Monthly Archives: July 2019

You are probably stuck in a bubble

For over 2 years I’ve traveled basically non-stop, with over a dozen countries hit and at least 6 where I spent a month or longer.

The travel community is all about “being open, having new experiences, etc.” But now I don’t think anyone is really traveling- it’s just a bubble.

People may change their location. You can go from Australia to Chaing Mai. However I think a very rare few (1-5%) actually have deep, authentic, local travel experiences.

In reflection on this startling realization, it’s made me think about all of the bubbles that exist in the world.

As it is said in the book Reality Transurfing Steps I-V, we all exist in a separate Universe that is layered on top of each other. The more I’ve traveled & experienced different cultures the more I see this to be true.

We all inhabit the same physical plane but very rarely do we actually leave our little bubble for a new experience.

Let’s dive deep into this by examining my personal experiences from traveling. Stay aware of your own bubbles, and don’t get distracted by my writing about travel. Take the concepts that are important for you.

The Chiang Mai Bubble

Chiang Mai is a popular travel destination, and for good reason. It’s beautiful, things are cheap, and the local culture is welcoming.

With an abundance of hostels, cafes, and restaurants it’s understandable why travelers from all around the globe would wish to come here.

The thing is, most of these travelers fly from all around the world yet never really get out of their bubble!

They all go to the same cafes, restaurants, etc. in the same places, as if to create a “Little America” or “Little UK” or “Little Europe” in Chiang Mai. I’ve observed this in other places such as Bali which had a “Little Russia.”

Is it still traveling? Of course. And if it’s what makes people genuinely happy, then let it be so.

But we must label it for what it is, and that’s simply making a “Little Europe/America” in Asia and not genuinely experiencing Asia for what it has to offer!

In living here for several months now I’ve had tourists tell me all kinds of things about Thai culture and Thailand. They’re so opinionated yet have no real experience.

Perhaps the biggest Western bubble in Chiang Mai has to do with the party scene. All of the Westerners go to a club called “Zoe in Yellow.” Some Thais go there but not often.

I have some Thai friends that go there, and one of them particularly enjoys “hunting” British men. There are several ladyboys and other Thai girls that are there for no other reason than for the western men.

Again this is all totally okay… But it’s not an authentic Thai experience. You minus well go to a club in London or New York and you’ll have basically the same thing.

The demographics of Northern Thailand skew towards a predominantly Thai population (of course). Yet why is that more than 50% of the people in this club are white?

All this club area is an area for the “travelers” and “expats” to hang out.

Is it an authentic travel experience to go to Chiang Mai and hang out only with other travelers & expats? Sure it’s fun, but this is not real Thailand.

Popping the Travel Bubble

A simple 10-15 minute motorbike ride away from this Western-style club is a giant Thai club which has probably 10x more people.

The venue is truly local. As a foreigner, the first thing you’ll notice walking in is that you’re the only foreigner. I went yesterday and besides the friends I took there was not a single other white person there, for example.

The venue is epically insane also- it’s giant, and has ultra-high-quality sound system. There is regular live performances and dances on stage. People actually dance rather than sit around all lame.

It’s actually terrifying walking in. You realize you’re the only foreigner, people are dancing like crazy, there’s an insane live performance- it’s a true local Thai club.

As is the true Thai experience if you’d like to go to the toilet and pee (as a male) you may be shocked to discover that someone is giving you a massage! It is normal in this club to receive a nice shoulder massage as you pee at the urinal (though you should definitely leave a little tip).

How many people who have “traveled” to Thailand know that such a thing is normal? They don’t because all they do is hang around “little Western World” where things are set up just like the West.

I’ve observed this degree of segregation everywhere I’ve traveled. In Bali for example I was shocked to discover that Canggu was primarily European/American, but a simple 20 minute’s ride up North takes you to places so far off the beaten path that people stare at you wondering what you’re doing in their little village.

I can’t help but wonder then: why do people even travel if they don’t really integrate into the local culture or experience anything authentic?

In Asia it is rather easy to see this segregation due to the color of people’s skin. If I hang out in the Santitham area of Chiang Mai I will see only 1-3% white people. If I go to the backpacker area I see 50% white “travelers.”

The thing is Santitham isn’t far from the backpacker area at all. You could walk there or take a super fast taxi.

Another white-ish area is the “Nimman” area in Chiang Mai. You see maybe 20% white people.

You want to know the shocking thing in all this? The epic Thai club is a fucking 10 minute walk from Nimman.

Nothing about any of this makes sense! This astonishing Thai club should have at least 1-5 white people considering its close proximity to an area where about 20% of the people observed are white expats!

Yet they don’t go. Because these “travelers” live in their own bubble.

No one foreign has heard of this club. Not even people who have “lived” here for many months.

Dissecting the Bubble

Now this isn’t meant to be a hate post or anything by any means. I get travel can be exhausting and hanging around people who get you or sticking to familiar delights can be comforting.

Many of these people claim to be traveling though, and there were times I thought I was traveling when in fact I had not.

Sure I saw things, but I didn’t experience anything profoundly different. Too often was I trapped in a bubble. My location changed but not my experience.

Realizing these things have made me question if travel is even worth it- I was going to make that the original post of the title but I instead decided to make this more relatable because the implications of this bubble are greater than I initially realized.

All these “travelers” come here and I watch & listen to them go to the same places over and over. Nothing is profoundly unique about what they are experiencing. They are not experiencing what is local and true.

Again no hate on any of them. And I don’t mean to be racist when I say “white” or “Asians” or whatever. As stated earlier it’s simply an easy determinant of how many foreigners are in a certain area.

It’s just weird, you know? It’s like an invisible force drew a literal force-field around a certain part of Chiang Mai where the “travelers” hang out so that they can’t interfere with the true locals.

A simple 5-10 minute bike ride can take you out of an area with 25% white “travelers” into an area where you are given a second glance for being white (not because people are racist but because it’s obvious you’re a foreigner and people are surprised to see you not stuck in the travel bubble).

The travel bubble is huge. It’s what I’m using as an example for all bubbles that exist in the world!

So many people claim to travel. I’ve claimed to travel. Have I really though? How many people have truly traveled? They go to the same places as everyone else, stay in their little bubbles so much so to the degree that you can literally draw an invisible line in the city to segregate the travelers from everyone else!

Examining My Bubble

In realizing that all is just a bubble, I’ve had some profound reflections on my own life.

First let’s examine my experiences in Bulgaria. I’ve spent about 9 months there and it was often some of the happiest times of my life (excluding the past few months which have been epic).

The longer I stayed in Bulgaria the larger of an “ROI” (return on investment) I had on being there.

By month 9 I was still learning about Bulgarian culture and integrating. Despite having several local friends we were still discovering differences in all kinds of little things.

Compare that to many of the other countries I’ve traveled to where I’ve only stayed for a few days or weeks. It was definitely cool seeing the sights, but it wasn’t a profoundly deep and amazing experience.

It is quite egoic to claim you’ve visited “x number of countries” because it speaks very little of how deep you’ve gone in each country.

Going deep on 2-3 countries is a significantly deeper experience than buzzing through 15 countries on 3 days each, which is what most travelers do.

The great fallacy here is that more countries = more experience. But that’s just not the case.

I’ve also learned this for example with sex. Every guy it seems wants to fuck the most number of girls as possible… But why?

It’s better to have one awesome partner so that the quality of sex is great & consistent rather than 100 terrible partners. Trust me sometimes finally getting in bed with a 10 is not fun (in fact the recent “10” I was with was so bad/weird it really illustrated this truth to me).

To add onto this point I observed that in some places such as Bali I was hardly experiencing any true Balinese culture. It was still a great experience, but I’ve realized it takes months or years to properly experience a country!

The more I’ve traveled, the less opinionated about each place I’ve become. I’ve understood so many nuances in regards to fulfillment in a place that it’s near impossible for me to give any opinion about a place.

Second, I’ve realized that I haven’t hardly lived in the USA. Sure, I’m from the USA. I’ve spent about 19 years worth of time in the USA.

Have I lived there? Nope. At most I’ve probably only truly lived & experience USA for about 1-3 months.

I’m realizing here in Thailand that to properly experience local culture and find deeper fulfillment it’ll take months or years of learning the language, getting local social circles, etc.

In traveling so much I’ve also realized just how contextual fulfillment in a place is- you can be happy anywhere.

Personal Lifestyle Changes

I’ve wrote earlier that I’m slowly down on travel. For the next year I won’t visit any new places and instead only stick to what’s familiar, unless it’s explicitly a vacation with pre-established friends.

After 2 years of constant sight-seeing, it’s become deeply apparent that the most fulfilling experiences were when I went deep, found a lover, had great friends, and a successful daily routine.

This means I’ll only be in Chiang Mai; Sofia, Bulgaria; Montreal, Canada; and Phoenix, Arizona.

I may swing by Bali because I have friends there. I haven’t been to Hong Kong but may go there for a 2-3 day vacation because I’ve 2 great friends there. See those are the only exceptions though.

The truth is that it’s very difficult to travel. It could just be that I’ve traveled enough to get the surface-level experiences out of the way. Who knows.

What I do know is that going deep on places is more important than going wide! In the attempt to experience too many people create their own little bubbles. They say they travel yet experience very little.

Examining All Bubbles

Now this was a lot of writing on travel, but it’s only one example of one of the many bubbles that exist in the world.

As long as you are conscious you are in a bubble it is okay. Most people aren’t though- they think they’ve traveled to Chiang Mai or Bali but hardly have. The deep experiences elude them.

There are many bubbles in the world! There is the financial bubble, self-help bubble, all kinds of bubbles which keep you trapped from moving towards what you really want to.

For example if you’re in a particular fitness bubble you may be held back from legitimately achieving your goals because the bubble thinks in a certain way. They say to do certain things which you unconsciously agree with which in the end hurts you.

The self-help bubble is a big one. People work on “improving themselves” for years yet never actually make progress. They “work on their business” yet never truly cash out.

The “hustle” bubble is an ultra-deadly one. People jerk themselves off on Instagram about how they’ve worked 70 hours… Again, what has truly been accomplished in those 70 horus? Nothing.

The travel bubble is bad if you are not conscious to it because you will think that you’ve traveled when in fact you have only experienced a tiny fraction of what was available to experience. It holds you back from the true beauty & depth that is right there waiting for you to experience.

What Does a Bubble Do?

To summarize clearly, a bubble holds you back by making you think you’re making progress when in fact you are making less progress than what is truly possible- and by a substantial amount too.

Travel bubble: people physically go different places yet stay in their little Western world, going to the same cafes as everyone else which actually aren’t that great (or too expensive). People do this and miss out on experiences which are truly breathtaking, such as the real Thai club described above.

Entrepreneurship bubble: people jerk off about 80 hours per week yet make no real progress. People run around with their heads cut off like chickens. Profit isn’t super hard but it is when you spend 70 hours per week on BS and 10 on important stuff.

Self-help bubble: endless improvement & reading yet no real progress towards the goal (or super slow progress).

Dating bubble: same as above, constantly work on yourself yet never get a girlfriend.

Your bubble: ???

There are many bubbles out there. I have danced intimately with the travel one, especially since I try actively to break out of it.

But what one are you stuck in?

Hit me up and let me know (:

-Michael

Are Debates Even Worth It?

In the beginning of High School, I took a “Debate” course which was mandatory for graduation.

The teacher was quite impressed with my debate skills, and left a personal call to my parents commending me, and suggesting that I should sign up for debate or use my skills of writing & speech in some way for debate.

I was great at debate. It was fun, and winning the “debate” was exhilarating.

But now it’s the last thing I want to do.

In fact recently I’ve noticed myself smiling and agreeing to people more often than not.

Is it inauthentic to not speak an inner or outer truth or belief? I strive to live as authentically as possible.

There are many problems in the world which I know that I could solve… It just seems that no one wants to listen.

It seems that most people- and if I’m being honest sometimes myself included- just want to feel heard and feel right more than anything else.

We get attached to petty ideas such as “Capitalism” or “Socialism.” Do we even really know what we’re talking about?

I don’t think so. You can look up any YouTube videos asking people to define what these terms mean by the dictionary definition, and they usually can’t. Can you?

As an American some foreigners like to revert back to the classic “Donald Trump” bullshit.

While I was in Vietnam I met a French guy. Things were going great. We were having fun.

Then the conversation got randomly quite political. He started talking about Donald Trump and other issues in America, such as the lack of free University like they have for example in Germany.

It was a bit difficult to change the conversation topic- but I managed. I did feel a bit energetically weakened, and also disappointed in my new companion.

On the note of Donald Trump alone, please shut the fuck up. I don’t want to talk politics as a young American abroad. If you can the last 5 policies he has implemented, as well as one positive thing he did recently as well as understand his side kindly then I’d listen.

That’s the thing- most people can’t even articulate their opponent’s beliefs.

Everyone hates Donald Trump, yet no one can actually say exactly what he’s done besides a Twitter post or racist comment the media talked about.

Did you know for example he has worked hard recently to make it easier for people to immigrate to the USA?

Okay okay, wait- I am not here to talk politics. I am just using the big hot debate about my nationality’s president as an example.

Most people can’t even articulate their perceived opponent’s argument.

What makes you so fucking sure you’re right if you can’t even articulate what the other side thinks, and why?

Everyone sits up on their high horse acting as if their way of thinking is ideal… Yet they fail to realize so does the “other side.”

It’s made me question whether democracy is even the epitome of humanity. Sure it’s better than a king ruling, but whether you’re “left” or “right” you could agree that the “other side” has some faulty beliefs…

For that very reason, maybe it’s best to leave politics to the experts.

The Doctor doesn’t ask the People what drug to give you- the expert handles the situation, and you follow their advice. Perhaps the same is true for politics/governments?

Follow Your Own Path

These are all random late-night thoughts. I’ve just had too much bullshit recently.

I feel like the world is a river with everything and everyone going its own way, and I’m like a fish just trying to swim along.

A current (or a person) comes to me and suggests that Donald Trump is evil. I smile and agree, and go with the current to my next destination and don’t waste any energy resisting.

Then another current comes by, and suggests that democrats are evil. I smile and agree, and disengage before I start wanting to speak.

Is this right? I feel quite conflicted.

On one hand, there are times when I know that I’m right. More on this later. But I don’t even offer to help people because I’m not going to put in the work to drill the solutions into their mind.

For example someone might have a particular productivity issue, but they just keep talking and lack the ability to listen so I can’t ever give them the solution.

In situations where I’ve tried to force-feed them the solution, they don’t take it- they fucking keep bitching about their problem despite me presenting a perfect solution in front of their face.

In fact they don’t even consider the potential solution! Like a water current they keep going where they were destined to go- the only difference being I lost a little energy.

So is this right? I don’t know. I want to help people sometimes, but I’m not going to force-open someone’s mind.

People Just Talk To Themselves

Sometimes I am “talking” with someone, but then I realize they’re just talking to themselves.

One guy was having a particular problem that I had experienced in exactness before- I knew the exact solution.

The solution wouldn’t be particularly easy, though I knew it existed. I offered to send him the titles of the books.

He went on his own tangents, and bullshit. It was more-so him talking to himself.

He discredited the books before even giving them a chance! His thinking was circular and repetitive.

I was like, “wait are you even asking for advice or do you need emotional support?” I think subconsciously he needed someone to just smile and agree, and nothing else.

This was a guy, mind you, so the stereotype of girls expressing their problems for support and guys for solutions is bullshit. I think it’s actually kind of equal.

Everyone just runs around spewing their own ideas, hardly open to what anyone else has to say. It’s rather hilarious when you detach and observe.

Few People Want Advice

In my experience few people want advice.

People run around talking about their problems yet ignore solutions as they present themselves or are offered by others. Usually it occurs in situations where the solution would improve their life too much for them to handle.

What I mean is that someone may say “hey can you help me with my car,” and they legitimately mean it. It is physical and measurable.

When instead someone says “hey I have a recurring problem in my relationship,” or they have a sudden, complex problem such as trying to become more fit or create more wealth then they are blind.

Or maybe they want to talk about politics, but again- they don’t want to actually consider different points.

It isn’t collaborative at all. People just want to feel right and be heard more than anything else.

When you debate someone, realize that there’s no winning.

First, they don’t want to change their brain. They probably don’t care about what’s truth or not.

And ask yourself- do you even care? Or do you just want to be heard? More on this later, but you must listen first of course.

Second, the energy cost of winning a debate is too great. It’s like, cool, you won the debate, it was exhausting and a waste of time. It hardly has legitimate impact.

Third, the person usually doesn’t legitimately change their mind- they usually get upset and resentful because they were wrong.

Fourth, do you actually achieve anything? Cool you changed “one of the currents in the Ocean,” but the world continues on as normal.

What We Need: Open Minds

What we need is open minds. More on this later in the last section on listening.

You have to be what you preach. Be open. Consider different ideas. If you believe in the left buy books on the right and vice versa.

Actually study and learn shit. Challenge your beliefs. And if you ask for advice LISTEN AND SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

Sorry for that last sentence, I’m just DONE with people. I’m certain you’ll reach a point like this too, especially if you commit to mastery in a field.

How many people who “pick my brain” do anything legitimate with it? I say, “read these books and you’ll become a digital nomad who has an online business and can travel the world.” One year later everything is the same. Ugh.

In one recent example of someone asking for health advice which I had experienced the exact same problem, all I suggested was to pick up some books. I am not qualified. Read the books because they helped me.

Is it that hard to buy one book? Either stop complaining or buy the book.

In another example where I met with someone to discuss digital marketing, I soon realized that the other person was basically talking about themselves and their ideas.

It wasn’t even the mastermind I hoped it would be- It was just him regurgitating the information.

But… All of this can be used. More on this later.

Just keep your own mind open and let everyone else be. I don’t know if it’s right to let others suffer or if I should try harder to debate their ideas when I know that certain solutions of mine will work, but it’s not my job to help people…

It says in “The Kybalion” (one of my top recommended reads) that “the master will appear when the student is ready.”

I’ve only noticed that in my own life. I have a problem and the solution came only when I was truly ready.

When I resolved to not be so attached to me and my ego but instead let go and listen to what God, the Universe, Friends, Family, or even Acquaintances had to say.

Addicted to Negativity

Now before we get to where I want to go to, I want to add one more point on this subject: so many people are addicted to their emotions.

One acquaintance of mine I made I recently realized goes through the same loops of negativity over and over.

The food is never good enough. Everything is always too expensive. She drinks a ton, and then is happy. But then she has something else to complain about, maybe it’s political or maybe it’s about some there person.

But she always has something to complain about.

It’s funny- you think that what you’re upset about legitimately matters now, but when you put in transformation work to change your relation to the world you realize just how much you are in control of your perception & reaction to this world.

For example, planes flying overhead and occasional loud motorbikes in Thailand used to frighten & annoy me.

Now when I hear a motorbike in my apartment in relaxes me. Planes over the Nimman area which used to bother me are now a conscious reminder I’ve instilled in myself to focus on my breath.

A lot of people comment on my high energy- I think it’s because I’ve consciously “re-routed” things which used to drain me into things which uplift me. I realized it’s all a choice.

Whenever I hear the sound of a loud motorcycle or loud plane it is a reminder to focus on my breath and be present.

One way you can learn this is by reading “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V.”

For example, one day when annoyed by motorbikes I visualized that they were actually floating cows with humans riding them given that the “RUUMMM” of a motorbike could be slightly similar to the “MOOO” of an angry cow.

Suddenly I was laughing at this absurd visualization. I also visualized the frustration felt when I struggled to sleep going away.

Now I sleep perfectly, and “am one” with motorcycle sounds at night. They don’t bother me.

I also had cleaning ladies which would sometimes vacuum outside my apartment early in the morning. When I left, they sometimes didn’t smile at me and appeared upset.

Instead of seeing angry people (which would affect my vibe typically) I visualized angry people now as an angry ape or angry pigeon, which is now hilarious. I let the energy go and it doesn’t bother me anymore.

Anyways, I’ve noticed that most people are addicted to their energy.

Should I suggest these tricks and try help them? I’ve had these thoughts, but so few people actually take action on it.

I have massive respect for those that do. For example one of my best friends in Phoenix is actively applying some course-work I sent over to him because he told me he wanted to be location independent also.

So few people actually take action. They’re addicted to negativity. It becomes a habit in and of itself to keep things as they are. Isn’t that funny?

The Beauty of Listening

All this being said, it isn’t all bad. I’ve really enjoyed listening recently.

When you shut up and listen, all kinds of epic things come out of people’s mouths. I think it’s called a “Freudian slip” or something like that, where the subconscious speaks and they don’t even realize it!!

And people have all kinds of fascinating body language, and vocal tonalities, and eye movements, and gestures and all this.

By using the visualization strategies described above I’ve been able to prevent energy vampires from getting to me… I’ve also been able to avoid getting sucked into ridiculous debates or trying to help people that won’t even listen or take action.

Most people want to barf out all they know. And I think it’s made me quite a bit wiser by listening.

Sometimes people say absurd, offensive things. One girl recently, who rode a motorbike behind me (she had to follow me to a destination), complained I would “break too fast.”

I know I don’t- she was just an absurd driver riding too close and following directly behind (a big no-no for motorcycles). She was addicted to complaining and I realized by attacking me she was trying to “feel right” and steal energy in some way.

I have a motorcycle license & proper training whereas she doesn’t. She wanted to feel better than me. She wanted energy. She hadn’t been able to complain in a while because things were great so she decided to criticize my riding despite me being on par.

Rather than fighting or giving in, I switched things up completely. Her energy went down as she was clawing for mine, but mine remained the same. I think focused on my own “energy” and “breath” and consciously forgave her for her absurd notions.

Honestly listening & agreeing has done me a whole deal of good- it’s keeping me focused on my own path because I don’t get bothered by others’ potentially conflicting beliefs.

In fact I get to learn something and deepen myself.

People tell you all kinds of fascinating things you can transmute into whatever you like.

I consciously choose to make everything inspiring somehow, so that my energy goes up- if they are accepting of it their own energy will go up as well as we share inspiration & joy.

However if they aren’t that’s okay. Their energy will plummet while mine remains stable & grounded.

When they try to debate me or complain about something I visualize a shield around myself and I don’t get emotionally affected by them.

I detach from my own beliefs & attachments and the world opens up a fascinating new layer.

On a really deep note, I’ve observed that we really are just evolved apes. We are quite stupid creatures, all running around like we’re smart.

In the grand scheme of Universal intelligence we are maybe on step 2 out of 100, with apes being on step 1.

We are tribal, ridiculous, apes that are so full of themselves we don’t even realize just how emotional we really are. We mask our emotional and egoic nature by calling it “logic” and “debates.”

Less Writing, More Listening

Recently I’ve been writing less and less. That’s because I’ve observed how in many ways this blog was nothing but me wanting to be heard, or at least write something for future me.

In listening to others, I’ve realized how wrong I am about everything. My own intelligence is humbled as those wiser than me pump me with wisdom.

I’m working more on legitimate business growth rather than vaguely talking about business & sales and how I want to be richer- I’m actively participating in my own success.

I feel like a mysterious shadow in a ways, with all kinds of knowledge navigating this world and applying it where I can.

Yet at the same time I know that I know nothing. That there’s so much more to learn and that in the grand scheme of things, many lifetimes from now if reincarnation exists, I would like back at being human as inferior and a waste, much like how we humans look at ants.

In my life I’m just living, taking action, and listening. I’m letting others do the talking and it’s opening up some epic opportunities for me.

The more I learn, the more I can give, yet the less I want to write because the more I am humbled and the more egoic this all feels.

I also realized, contrary to a previous post of mine about how we can all change the world minute by minute, how meaningless this is.

In the end you only have yourself. As long as you’re ethical and not harming others, you should go about your life in such a way that benefits yourself while also benefiting others.

For me that’s been working on new products & services I can offer people rather than writing on this blog. It’s profitable to me most importantly, but also helps people (and that’s actually the focus).

This writing on the other end isn’t profitable. I don’t “get” anything. It’s just me saying my ideas, and 80%+ of people won’t even change a bit from it.

I guess it’s a bit of a paradox: on one hand I know that if I change one life from this article that it could change the world (see my previous post about how we change the world minute by minute).

On the other hand I realize there are others things I could be doing that have a potentially greater impact. At the very least I can listen, reflect, and grow in my own life.

The Effects of Listening

One day a friend of mine recommended the book “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V” to me. He told me it was what transformed him.

He was previously more shy, and after a year abroad he had truly grown a ton.

I immediately purchased the book and read it. He was impressed. He respected me quite a bit for it.

The book, as suggested, was incredible and here I am continuously recommending it now. I am excited to re-read it and occasionally watch YouTube videos covering parts of it.

This book really helped me improve a lot in my life. It also made that friend respect me because I actually took advice. I’m sure he has a lot of people ask him for advice that don’t do anything.

Now being in a position where people want to “pick my brain” and “ask for advice,” I know exactly what that’s like.

It’s just annoying, and only now do I understand why so many of the “rich people” are “closed off” or in their own little groups. They genuinely want to help people, but no one listens.

It also explains why rich friends of mine “took me under their wing.” I was not special. They just said “do this” and then I did it. So they respected me and realized I was a do-er. I listened.

So I guess what I’m trying to say is recently I’m a bit tired of talking. This blog has gone on for some time, and I won’t stop, just my frequency is going down massively as I focus on my own life and what’s really important to me.

I’ve also gone through a week of meeting, by chance, all kinds of people who had debates, needed advice, etc. and it was rather frustrating because I knew many solutions to their problems and would refer books but no one would take action.

It’s made me question whether this is even worth it- will anyone purchase Reality Transurfing after reading this?

I think that this blog does help people because I get responses. Which I’m so grateful for.

Just wanted to let everyone know in the end here why my frequency of writing is going down and probably will continue to.

In short, I’m just listening to the world- God, Universe, friends, everyone and everything. As soon as you shut up and start listening, it’s as if every single second has a lesson to teach you and it’s so humbling and beautiful.

In this listening, I feel more like a fish in a super large ocean. Everyone has their ideas, which is like small currents, and rather than resisting I am smiling and agreeing- going with the flow, but then more importantly moving on.

The distinction here is that I don’t get trapped in an ideology. I’m focused on what’s relevant to me and moving forward properly.

Are there any “currents in the Ocean” that keep sucking you in? Realize that maybe they’re giving you nothing, and you’re wasting energy fighting them.

And When It Counts…

All this being said, I would debate if it really mattered. If I were on a spaceship and my idea would save the crew I would scream and shout to get my point across.

The point here is to avoid pointless debates… Though it’s incredibly difficult to tell which are meaningful and pointless. In my opinion, 99%+ are.

This also includes people “asking for advice” yet not even listening (they just keep talking about their problem or going on tangents). Or people addicted to complaining- don’t try help them, let them complain.

I also like to visualize complainers as penguins making funny noises. It helps a lot so that you don’t get sucked into complaining too.

Though as mentioned above, there are some moments where it counts. Like if a family member wanted to try heroin, I’d put up a fight before letting them do it.

The ultimate point here is to grow & hold onto your own energy- don’t give it away via pointless debates. Save it for when it counts.

Very rarely does it actually count. So save that energy to be productive, read a book, meditate, workout, whatever. Or save it for when you need to fight.

Most times it doesn’t matter. Don’t waste energy fighting the current. Smile, agree, move on.

Done.

-Michael

Resisting the Call of the Sirens

In Greek Mythology, the Sirens were incredibly dangerous creatures that lured sailor’s boats into the rocks to their death with their enchanting singing.

I don’t think sirens are just a myth. It’s real- but not in the way you might imagine.

Let me share my story in charting a course and sailing out into the open Sea. I hear now the calls of many sirens around me, and must confess I haven’t been so ideal in maintaining my focus.

Think carefully of the Sirens in your life- these enchanting beasts will make you fail, but it’ll feel oh so good in the process.

Charting a Course

My biggest goals recently have been with running Facebook Ads with the goal of getting new clients. I’ve also put forth a huge initiative into improving my skill at Facebook Ads for my clients.

Very quickly I was able to improve & validate my skills with some test clients. Now armed with newfound weaponry, I feel ready and confident to take it out into the market.

First I created my new website– but upon reflection even this may have been a call of a Siren!

Or maybe not. Time will tell.

I’ve also helped clients out for free or extremely discounted service rates that were in similar niches to my own so that I can effectively test my ideas with their ad budget.

As mentioned the results were exhilarating- for example one campaign getting leads at $1.69 per lead! At a .1% close rate, that’s still highly profitable…

Despite the intoxicating preliminary results, other tests have been a complete disaster.

For example I made an Email course about everything that I learned as a “free offer” to warm people up to a free consulting session with me where I will then close them.

The open rate so far has been horrendous- tomorrow morning I’ll have updated data to work with.

I’ve also adjusted the experiments with other ad types and targeting options to test for all kinds of variations. I’m hitting it from all angles. Suddenly…

I never could’ve expected the Sirens to call so loudly, and so sweetly…

The Call of the Sirens: Inner Demons

In my mind logically I always understood that “less is more.” I’m sure you too could learn all about the art of efficiency, the 4 hour work week, and all that juicy stuff.

The problem is if you get this information before you legitimately need it, then you may not properly apply it. In some ways I’ve done great, such as working extremely efficient with current & previous clients, but I’ve failed vastly when it came to huge leaps forward such as what I’m working on now.

One of the many Sirens is within us all- self-sabotage. Confronting our inner insecurities and succeeding is often scarier than success itself.

In fact I believe the action itself is what’s scaring. If you never try you never fail, and you also never have to deal with the effects of success.

When I succeed in figuring this out, it’s not an achievement unlocked and then all work is done.

I’ll have to work on sales calls, closing clients, hiring assistants, and all kinds of stuff. Success increases, but so does more work and unexpected surprises. It’s all too easy to slip back into familiarity and comfort.

The Call of the Sirens: Enchanting Voices

The majority of Sirens come from the outside though. These Sirens may prey on your inner Siren, but many of them also wear beautiful masks that attract you but also hide their sharp teeth which they use to kill you.

Here’s the thing with Sirens- they are enchanting. Not alluring, addicting, or powerful inherently; they possess the power of magic, appearing so real to be necessary yet not at all.

A non-example of a Siren includes drugs, sex, social media distractions, fear, and laziness. What I mean is that these are not Sirens which I refer to.

A Siren is much more cunning than these petty things. You know in your heart that you should not get wasted every night if you want to grow a business, become fit, or achieve another goal.

The Enchanting Voices of the Outer World Sirens mask themselves as necessary steps in your voyage- yet if you actually follow them you will find yourself lost, shipwrecked, and eventually, dead.

Many people claim that “success is hard,” but I doubt that to be the case. I learned quickly how to earn an income online while traveling, and that’s only because I was hyper-focused and weary of Sirens.

Those people that announce to the world that success is so hard often do so because they find themselves in bed with many attractive Sirens- beautiful mermaid-like creatures- yet in their trance they fail to notice that their blood is slowly being drained.

Meeting the Sirens: My Examples

Why have I not yet clearly identified what a real Siren is? It’s because they’re so hard to identify.

You can hardly tell if it is a beautiful woman you are staring at or if it is the mask of a monster ready to devour you.

You might not believe me, but here are some of the Sirens which call my name…

People have recommended books, YouTube videos, courses, ad strategies, offered consulting sessions, advice, and all kinds of different suggestions related to how I can achieve my goal.

These are the Sirens, my friends. No, I’m not saying never to recommend anything to anyone.

What I do remind you is to focus only on that which brings you to your destination; your ship does not have infinite supplies, and you don’t have time for every side-mission that comes your way in life.

For example, a couple years ago some people were adamant that I needed a website in order to get clients. Yet for the past 2+ years I’ve traveled while working remotely with no website- did I really need one?

The answer is no, and many of my friends who made a website did so under the enchanting allure of a Siren. The truth is the website never helped with sales, it never brought them a client, and it was a complete waste of time.

The problem is that making the website felt like a productive use of time, and it was related to the end-goal.

When you sail in foggy waters, it can be quite difficult to see what direction you must truly walk down.

Losing Focus to the Voices

I’ve said already that my preliminary results have been good- but I’ve hit a roadblock, and I’ve researched ways to get around it and fix the problem.

Now my problem lies in that there are many Sirens around me- but surely a few are real Angels sent to guide me on my path.

Should I watch this course, or that course? Should I read this book or that book?

If I do everything that is recommended to me, then it will be yet more months or years until I achieve my goals- but I know that it shouldn’t take that long.

Yet still already I’ve noticed it becoming more difficult to focus, and keep attention- many notifications are coming my way, many people want to help me, many people invite me to their “Masterminds” and offer advice.

It all sounds so beautiful! It’s all so alluring! Everything brings me in theory at least 1% closer to my goals, but the key here is in identifying the one thing which brings you 20% closer to your goal- or better yet 80% or 90% or even 99.9%!

Time is precious; it seems to be the one dimension everyone in this world forgets. The irony of life is that we live in an infinite Universe (so they say) yet have a finite life.

Navigating Dangerous Waters

As I navigate this path towards my goals, I do my best to focus on that which truly brings me to my goals. I’ve taken a moment today to nap, and I’ll take a moment tomorrow to slow down and relax as well.

Being busy is not being productive; the Sirens love to prey on a busy man who lacks awareness for how much progress is truly being made.

With all that I do, I ask myself if it really brings me closer to the end-goal. I have a ship to sail, the waters may be dangerous so I must remain all the more vigilant to avoiding the alluring call of the Sirens.

I know not yet which activities are lies and which are truth. In this way, perhaps prayer to the Universe or a higher power is necessary. Only God knows when my time is up, and I’d like to make as much progress as I can while I’m here.

With Faith, maybe I won’t fall prey to the Sirens all around me. Maybe I can focus, and this time sail my ship to my goal.

And What About Your Sirens?

And do ask yourself- where are your Sirens?

Remember that Sirens are those things which look good, feel good, appear good, but are in fact not truly good.

We all know that eating shit food is bad. We all know that excessive alcohol or drug consumption is not particularly healthy.

These addictions are the surprisingly easy thing to tackle. What really holds you back (and thus prompts you to re-engage in your negative copying behaviors) is the fact that you get caught in Sirens that draw you away from your goal!

You say you want this or that, yet try to complete every side-mission along the way when it serves no real purpose.

Life may be much like a video game, but unlike a video game you can’t play it again. You have a goal, don’t waste your time in endless side missions.

These side missions are designed to feel like you’re achieving something, when really you are still where you are- just now you have “something else.”

Your goals and dreams are closer than you imagine. Your only problem is that you sail your ship in circles, chasing the allusive beauty of the Sirens..

One day their spell will end. Their teeth aren’t so enchanting. It feels not so majestic to cry out alone as they suck your blood dry, and things go black- it’s over.

Take your ship to your goal, or follow the distracting beauty of the enchanting Sirens. The choice is yours. Though it sure ain’t easy..

-Michael.

How YOU Change The World Minute By Minute

Once upon a time I used to think, what is the meaning of all this?

It all felt so meaningless, disconnected. It didn’t matter what I did- the results of the presidential election would be the same, bombs would drop somewhere in the world, and no matter how hard you tried you can’t save everyone.

By contemporary definitions, it’s very hard to make an “impact” on the world.

How many names can you remember of people born before the year 1500?

The best most people could do is just tell of the religious figures, such as Jesus, Abraham, Buddha, etc. You might know of a few kings too.

In a mere 500 years, there is a 99.9% chance that you as an individual will be all but completely forgotten. Assuming we don’t nuke ourselves you’ll likely only exist in some government database.

My great-great [insert many more great] grandfather has a fascinating story. He was kidnapped and forced into the military, which is how he ended up in America.

Despite such an epic story, I can’t remember his name (it’s probably John though) and this story is all I know of him. I don’t remember his wife, children, preferences, or other impact on the world.

But in a way, Mr. Kidnapped-To-America John had a rather profound effect on the world.

Well, at least in my own life. Had he not lived the life that he did, I would not be here today.

While your name & individuality will likely be forgotten, your energy lives on… forever, through the lives of others.

I don’t mean to answer the question of what happens to you past death here. We are not touching that subject today.

What we are focusing on is exactly how you impact the entire world minute by minute, and why this matters.

You may be forgotten, but your impact will change the lives of humanity itself. You could be the tipping point from humanity’s destruction to the “heaven on Earth” described in religious text.

Energetic Impact: Your Signature on Humanity

How you treat your fellow human beings and what you do is what I will call an “energetic impact,” largely because there is no visible impact on humanity.

Most people focus on the physical. They built a company, landmark, kingdom, or got their name in a history book. The energetic is all the more important though, and as will be shown here means that a small peasant farmer has so much impact as to change the entire course of history.

When you treat someone a certain way, you create a ripple. You already know this intuitively.

Let’s say you walk into a coffee shop, and the person in front of you decides to pay for you. Feels great, right? Now you walk away with a smile, and spread the joy in some way.

Alternatively you may have a bad barista who insults you. You walk away angry, and then snap at your boss later because this is stuck in your mind.

Without even intending to do so a happy or angry barista can affect not just you but the people you come into contact with after the interaction with the barista!

An “energetic ripple” is created, much like a ripple in a pond.

At the center is the “trigger event.” When you drop a pebble in a pond, where it impacts the water is the trigger event. One meter away from the ripple is everyone that is affected, and then one meter away from that point is everyone else who is affected from those people that are affected.

Of course in a ripple the further away you get from the center the less powerful the initial trigger event becomes. You drop a pebble but the other side of the pond may not appear any different- but on a subtle level, it was affected.

Now imagine that some ripples are positive and some are negative. Pebbles are being dropped in the pond all the time. Some are larger than others. For example some acts are more kind than others, and other acts more violent than others.

This pond would be the pond of life, and it would be a turbulent pond for sure. Everything would be reacting to everything else- but because everything reacts to everything else, your small pebble impact can actually lead to a huge impact by another.

For example your “trigger event” could be a small act of kindness, which then inspires someone else to not commit an atrocity (such as a shooting) or inspires them to do something kind as well, which creates another positive trigger event, which hopefully continues going on!

Are We Subject To Only Reactions?

Okay, this is all cool. We now can visualize like positive or negative pebbles dropping into a pond how we affect the rest of humanity. But are we just stuck in reactive mode? What happens if someone drops a negative pebble right in your fucking face?

We all have that day where everything was going just perfect… until it wasn’t. You walk into the cafe with a smile on your face, prepared to tip. Then the barista insults you and spits in your drink, metaphorically speaking.

When you pull out of the lot a tired driver slams right into you. You get to work and your co-worker dipped out, doubling your work but not your pay. Your boss is pissed because he didn’t get laid, so he takes it out on you… Triple work time!

Even for a meditation master a situation such as this could be difficult to deal with. We all can relate to a situation similar in principle, in which everything was great until it wasn’t.

As kids I don’t think we realize just how reactive we are to everything else. I had some memories come up today of me saying some mean things to my brother, which hurt me so much to remember some tears came out despite being in a coffee shop.

As a child I endured some pretty terrible bullying, and sometimes my own parents were reactive to other things. For my child mind this set the reality that “this is normal.” It also filled me with a certain energy that I also spread- the pebbles from other people’s lives filled me with the same negative energy, but then I perpetuated this energy by hurting others too.

It was bad. One day during a screaming match I pulled out a knife on my brother. I never intended to hurt him (and never took a stab), I was just infuriated and angry and wanted him to shut up.

It didn’t feel like such a big deal to me because I had recently got trapped & attacked by over 20 kids outside school, and told that I should kill myself. My family didn’t know that I had tested putting things around my neck while alone at home.

My brother was innocent, as was I, and as were my enemies at the time. We were all kids reacting to someone else’s negative energy. Probably the kids that planned my attack were all treated terrible, and in a group mentality took it out on the weird kid- me. After experiencing such violence using a knife to control my brother didn’t seem like a big deal, but now I feel numb writing this. Damn.

The answer to the question is no. But there are two exceptions:

First, kids are reactive, period. Kids will always receive adult’s and other kids energies and then perpetuate it. Kids are not normally inherently violent- they learn it.

I’d say the only reason I didn’t go total psycho and do some bad things to my school was because of YouTube, where I could listen to people telling me that everything would be okay and that I can be whatever I want to be (more on that later).

Second, people need to remember that they can consciously choose what they want to be! Many people describe meditation or spiritual awakening as a “remembering,” and I would agree with that. I’m not enlightened (far from it), but good meditative experiences feel like remembering.

Sometimes all it takes is someone to say “you can choose your own reality.” Entire books have been written on the subject. Sometimes people need visual proof.

Everyone inherently knows that they can direct their own ship (yourself), but that doesn’t make it easy. The energies of others will always affect you, no matter how thick of skin you claim to have.

Choosing Which Pebbles to Toss

If you read this now, you have no more excuses- you can choose which pebbles to toss back into the pond of life: positive or negative.

It’s not easy. But it’s possible. Something I’ve personally learned is that energy can be transmitted positively or negatively- this is the basis of true alchemy.

Violent rage can be converted into a passion for working out. I often jog faster than everyone at the park, channeling out that old hate inside of me. Every month the jogs feel slightly more peaceful, as good energy replaces the old hate.

Sadness & guilt can be converted to compassion & inspiration. Why do you think I’m writing this now? I feel devastated at my actions back then. Maybe leaving a note to the world will make things right.

We can’t always choose what comes our way, but as energetic processing machines we can choose how to process it. Again, it’s not easy. But it’s possible.

Convert your rage into a healthy passion for working out & making money ethically. Convert your guilt into inspiration for change. Convert your depression into compassion.

The beautiful thing about tossing positive pebbles is that the energy always seems to come back to you a bit more than you give, allowing you to give even more!

For a great book on converting energy pick up “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V.” It’s a very hard book to understand but explains more strategies for converting emotions such as annoyance to pleasure, etc. so that you don’t toss negative pebbles into the pond of life.

Not only will your life improve, but all of humanity will improve with you!

Also check out “The Power of Now” book as this is a more meditative practice towards tossing positive pebbles. When you become present to the moment, you allow the past negative pebbles to go so you can stay fresh to the beauty of now.

The Universe Listens

And if you’re really struggling, as I did, turn yourself over to something more powerful. For some reason belief just works.

Every time I call out to the Universe or God, it answers. I don’t know whether it’s the God Jesus spoke of, or Buddha, or something deeper than all of that, but something is there.

I make exactly the amount of money I asked to make. I affirmed & visualized the process over and over, and here I am making exactly that doing exactly what I wanted to do.

I’d like to say it was all me, but if I’m being completely honest there was something else working with me to help me out.

Recently I was feeling lonely because all my best friends left Chiang Mai, and so I asked the Universe to introduce me to some new, deeper connections & friends to laugh a lot with.

The past 3 days have been an endless party, filled with social events & new, deep connections.

The 12-Steps program is highly centered around belief in God (or a higher power) as well. For some reason, it just works. Give up control and figure out what “up there” wants.

I was lucky as kid that I also often resolved to give myself to the higher power because I simply couldn’t handle how fucked up what I was going through was. Now here I am, world traveler, financially great, and having all the girls I could want- it wasn’t me, something helped me…

Compassion for the Bad Pebbles

What often helps with letting go of bad pebbles affecting you is becoming compassionate to those who toss them. They typically are in a reaction mode, and not even aware of what they’re doing.

One level to compassion is to care for those that already care for you, but a true, deep compassion involves understanding & loving your enemies, loving the criminals, loving the lost.

I am not particularly identified with being Christian, so do forgive me for quoting this from the Bible if you aren’t also Christian, but there is indeed some ancient wisdom in this Bible quote:

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

For context, this happened during Jesus’s Crucifixion. He was essentially saying to God that those who were killing him should be forgiven for they are not even aware of what they are doing.

This has always stuck with me for no other reason than it is true of all “sin” or “evil.” Most people commit crimes only when they feel desperate or like there is no other way, or “in the heat of the moment.” They get so angry they pull out a knife, unconscious to their actions.

Or they get stuck in such a derp state that killing someone feels normal. People lose touch with their human side and commit terrible atrocities.

To most people murder sounds so bad, but we must remember that those who kill typically were treated so bad growing up they are simply perpetuating the bad energy they originally received!

That doesn’t make it right. Let’s make that clear.

All that is being said here is that even though crimes are not right, we must understand their origin. These people received so many “bad pebbles” they only know how to toss them back into life.

They have forgotten they have the power to choose good pebbles, that to their right sits an unlimited pile of good pebbles to share with themselves and the world..

6 Degrees of Separation From Everyone

Let’s introduce some science into this post as talking about energy & old Bible quotes can put some people off.

The 6 degrees of separation idea is that everyone is 6 acquaintances away from each other. It sounds crazy but is scientifically backed up.

The rough idea is that everyone knows an average of 45 people who could get a hold of them if needed. I know for myself this number is significantly greater- in the hundreds- but that balances out the extreme introverts who have maybe only 15-20 people who could get a hold of them.

45 to the 6th power is 8.3 billion- greater than the population of Earth. You can research this more for the scientific backing, but it’s highly likely this is for the most part true barring a few odd exceptions.

If you commit an act of kindness, a great one, and change just a few people’s lives, then they will be all the better off and thus the people they are surrounded by will likely be just a bit better off too.

This is more easily visualized with violence unfortunately, but let’s try stay positive on what good we can do rather than what bad.

Let’s say that you ethically become financially independent, and can help a few friends out here or there. First off by generating wealth ethically, it means you were giving value and participating in transactions that valued the other party- but that gets too complicated.

After that let’s say you help out a few friends in need and commit a few acts of great kindness.

Let’s also say that you invest in your own happiness & self-care, such as by getting massages, practicing yoga, meditating, and developing hobbies.

Not only are you funding people’s businesses and providing them with lifestyles, but you are taking care of your own peace allowing yourself to be kinder to all those you come into contact with.

When someone is angry, you smile at them. When someone is happy, you smile at them. Even if you aren’t rich, you can actively give “good pebbles” to the pond of life in so many other ways, just be being compassionate, kind, and happy (or at least not hurting others)!

Well because you’re able to give good energy or help others out financially, you allow them to be lifted up which allows them to lift up others in their lives.

For example you help out a friend with their rent, and there’s no need to pay you back. Suddenly that friend doesn’t need to take resources or demand help from their friends!

Now they’re also happier, safer, etc. which allows them to get on their feet, and when they’re back on their feet they are able to be happier and give good energy to those around them!

Wealth aside, you can give value in so many ways to people. Don’t get stuck on the money example. It’s just a point I wanted to make because many people have bad money views.

You can smile and ask “how are you doing” to people. You can not let negative pebbles affect you, and instead keeping tossing the positive ones (this allows the negative pebbles to disappear, much like how a ripple in a pond can’t affect a bridge).

You can leave small tips- one dollar is enough to make someone’s day. You can give someone a hug in need. You can listen to a sad friend.

There’s so much you can do- now let’s see how it all comes together.

Your Impact on Humanity

We are all connected, for the most part, by 6 degrees of separation. Your positive actions (and lack of negative actions) have the ability to send good energy through your close group, which will affect their close groups, so on and so forth.

The effect by the end is indeed minimal. Your great act of kindness may do little to change someone’s life on the other side of the world- but I think it still gets around.

I believe that at least a tiny bit of energy will reach everyone based on each action you do. It is of course so minimal, but it’s still there!

Your positive action changes the actions of others, which changes their actions, so on and so forth so much so that you may, without even knowing it, but the catalyst for great change here on planet Earth.

Your name will be forgotten one day. But your impact here lives on through other people!

How Will You Change the World?

You don’t need to do or be anything big. In fact, it is the millions of nobody’s that create the day-to-day energy of the world.

You already are connected to everyone by 6 degrees of separation. The pond of life wasn’t so great as you once thought it to be.

If you live in such a way that shares positive pebbles in this pond, then you will surely inspire others to realize they too can toss in these positive pebbles.

It doesn’t take too much thinking to realize just how significant this is. Your life by the minute shapes the entire world ever so slightly!

You can save lives. You can prevent terrorism. You can bring abundance to this world.

It isn’t done in a great act, but instead your life minute by minute. Your smile, your respect, your compassion, your good energy is what changes everything.

A life once originally believed to be devoid of meaning is now something deeply purposeful just by the act of living & flowing.

Follow your purpose, be happy for yourself, generate wealth because in becoming ethically full yourself you lift up the world.

You need not do anything big; just toss a few positive pebbles in the pond and watch the world repeat this action until one day… We find heaven on Earth.

-Michael

How More Friends Makes You Lonely

Can having more friends make you lonely? As someone who has social circles in continents and countries all around the globe, I think so.

It’s been a while since I’ve wrote a proper self-help article based on life experiences so let’s dive deep into this one.

A Tale of a Lonely Kid

I didn’t always start out so socially adjusted. In fact, I was known as the weirdo in my school.

Somehow I’ve gone from having a few (unreliable) acquaintances in middle school to supportive, amazing friends all around the world originating from countries such as USA, Canada, Belgium, UK, Bulgaria, Thailand, and Indonesia.

I say “originating” because that is where the connections are made. Others have traveled, expanding my “circle” perhaps to all 6 populated continents.

At this point it is near impossible to track without putting my friends into a CRM (customer relationship management software system, typically used by businesses to improve sales).

As a lonely kid growing up in Nebraska, I never could’ve imagined just how my life would’ve unfolded.

I remember watching a video by a guy named “David Brown,” and he was talking about flying to another country to go to a concert alone to make friends there.

“What the fuck? How could he do that? He just went ALONE, and made friends.. there?”

Fast forward 5 years and there I was walking through the immigration line to go into Sofia, Bulgaria to create what would become the happiest time in my life up to that point.

As a kid, I always thought that I needed more friends. More contacts. More people.

That’s not necessarily bad, but it can also make you lonely. Oh was I in for a surprise for that one!

Too Many Dates

A week or two ago I went through a period where I was meeting way too many people- and I’ve gone through phases like this in Bulgaria and Canada as well.

On one day I had 2 dates scheduled, the next 3, and the day after that another 2 (or 3 if I decided not to flake on the last).

After almost a week of this, I got literally sick. I couldn’t handle it anymore.

On one of the days I took home one girl, then she left and I immediately went out with another girl before recovering. I took that one home too, and as we laid in bed I started making a joke about something which happened to the previous girl, having forgotten that this was a different girl.

By the end of the week I was so bored & sick of girls (and people) that I turned my phone off and rejected anyone new who wanted to go out with me.

This was the dream that I imagined myself happening- something every little boy going through puberty would’ve wanted. Yet I didn’t feel fulfilled. I felt lonely.

Self-Connection

The next day I didn’t meet anyone, and it felt fucking amazing. I played video games, walked through the park, ate at restaurants alone, and meandered through the day compared to the previous week of scheduling dates and work by the hour.

One of the YouTube videos I watched was particularly inspiring (about loneliness). It reminded me that introversion/extroversion is a scale.

You can be an extrovert but still need alone time. You aren’t all on or off. Everyone has a certain degree of social interaction and alone time that is healthy.

Recently I’ve tried to take more naps at home, and it’s made me feel like I’m on heaven. So much so I might even do a 30 day massage or nap challenge.

I found that in between social interactions it allowed me to reconnect, gather my thoughts, and recharge. It helped me clarify so much and “reset!”

Recently I’ve been truly appreciating alone time, as meeting new people can surprisingly consume energy.

Meeting New People: More or Less Energy?

I think that meeting new people can be stimulating and exciting. But if you’re meeting way too many people or only new people, then it can consume a lot of energy.

There comes a point where your body & mind, for whatever reason, can’t handle to meet new people at least without alone time and/or time with people you are already close with.

Most people probably aren’t meeting enough people so they will find that meeting new people brings energy.

Alternatively people may feel anxious or restless about what the other person thinks about them.

It really depends how well you can connect. Meeting so many new people gets tiring though, and so you get tired of constantly trying to form connections. You just want to let what “is” flow out.

Having met so many new people recently I experience almost 0 anxiety around new people. In fact a girl I recently went out with apologized that she was so nervous, but because I was so relaxed and “chilled out” I didn’t even realize that she was nervous or register that being nervous when meeting a first date could be a thing!

The point of this section is just that meeting new people can give energy or take energy- it depends on how well self-connected you are, and whether you are tempering each new interaction with interactions with people you already know.

If you are constantly meeting only new faces, then it will take energy. And that’s exactly what I was doing.

More Quality, Less Quantity

Having even one quality connection is key to so much happiness in life. In the past 4 days I’ve hung-out with one girl that I really like, and it’s allowed me to feel so much happier.

The first 2 days were so-so, actually. I wasn’t too impressed by her, and we didn’t know each other so well.

Yesterday I was considering not meeting, but then we really finally connected. Today I realized I’m starting to get some deeper feelings, and surprisingly have hopes that this goes somewhere.

On paper it’s more likely that it won’t go anywhere (she is leaving Chiang Mai next week), but still- it’s at least a hope.

It’s a surprise to me to think that I might be cool with being with someone, as I’ve told all the other girls that I wasn’t ready for anything serious. Now I realize it just wasn’t quality, but quantity.

Besides romantic prospects, this is true of friends also.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being recognized all over the place and having those short, surface-level conversations by people who know me barely everywhere. That feels good.

But you need that depth first and foremost. It’s the 80% of your fulfillment, and the “being locally famous” part gives 20% of your fulfillment.

One of my focuses moving forward will be nurturing those 1-3 deeper social connections wherever I stay rather than constantly trying to meet new people.

By doing so it’s making me set stronger boundaries and become clearer about what I want, making me more likely to cut out people that don’t serve that purpose.

For example, yesterday I went out with a new girl and I just wasn’t feeling it at all and she slightly misrepresented herself on Tinder. So I left after knowing her for like 20 minutes.

This sounds harsh but it’s necessary for my mental health, and in the end it’s better for her because I don’t care to get to know her- better to end it sooner than waste 3 hours of her time to then end it.

How More Friends Makes You Lonely

The more friends you make, the more lonely you can get because you miss out on the deeper social connection which happens with alone time or with someone you have a shared history with.

That’s not to say not to make lots of acquaintances. That’s great. And being recognized all over the place is great as well.

Just focus though on 1-3 deep social interactions, and if you can handle it maybe 5. These are the people that will make you fulfilled and happy.

Everyone else does not deserve priority. I will still enjoy meeting new people & acquaintances, but they simply will not receive priority.

If you give yourself to everyone, then you lose yourself. No one wins because you’re giving 1% away to everyone.

I say give 80% to a few people, then 20% to the rest- but when you’re with anyone give them 100% of your attention. You can only give someone 100% of your attention if you are socially fulfilled.

So strangely by focusing on the close friends, you also feel more socially fulfilled and thus capable of meeting new acquaintances who can turn into romantic partners, deep friends, or business partners!

At the very least you can be party buddies and share good times together.

In the end, focus on what matters: meaning. Those close connections are key to fulfillment, and constantly meeting new people in the absence of deep friends is no way to live.

Done. (:

-Michael