Monthly Archives: August 2019

Leaving Thailand… Finally

It’s my last day in Thailand. Wow.

One of the coolest things about travel is that you can compare yourself to who you were in different cities- instead of time flying by and your new self mixing into your old one, you can clearly see your differences because the environment is so vastly different in each place.

I am not the person I was when I came in.

In fact I’ve developed many of the positive Asian (namely Thai) attributes and grown a ton as a person.

Misc note: super tired & sleep-deprived writing this. Keep that in mind for the rambling / general confusing flow.

For example, in my previous post “A New Standard of Ethics,” I wrote a lot about how I was taking steps to clean up the mistakes of my past and be cleaner moving forward.

I’ve been a lot more observant of Karma, which I do believe to exist in some form or another.

For this particular belief I don’t think it is so literally direct, but more-so it exists in the kind of fashion that you “get what you put out.” Even in the West we kind of know this via the “Law of Attraction” or Biblical teachings from Jesus.

I’m also more observant of the “yin/yang” of life, and trying to be as much in the present moment as possible.

Asia has been overall a wonderful growth experience, and I feel truly ready now to leave and return to Bulgaria to see what’s there.

Here are some thoughts/feels I have about leaving Thailand finally.

Purpose & Direction

Perhaps the best thing I’m taking with me as I leave is a newfound sense of direction & purpose.

When I first entered Bulgaria my life had very little purpose or direction. It was kind of a mess.

The biggest purpose I had was probably to pick up girls. I was really into something called “game,” which isn’t necessarily bad, but I lacked a lot of depth in my life.

As soon as I had a girlfriend, this purpose was gone, and so instantly I became docile and aimless, which I’m certain created many conflicts in the relationship as she became too important to me (and vice versa).

Not that your partner shouldn’t be important to you… Just that you need to maintain your individuality. You can’t be a couple if you aren’t even an individual.

Now I have a very clear sense of direction, and the women I meet I do not fall so fast or so instantly. I can appreciate their love and give great affection, but I remain focused in who I am, where I’m going, and what I must do.

I know my fitness goals, business goals, dating needs, social needs, and life direction.

I’ve also a true sense of self and who I am, hobbies, and activities that I enjoy doing. I’ve boundaries, self-respect, etc.


In Montreal earlier this year one of my friends (thanks bro) was super encouraging in trying to show me I should become more conscientious.

Being conscientious means you take care of yourself, clean, have direction, work hard, and feel bad if you don’t. It means you schedule in priorities and reject “the flow” in favor of walking your own path.

You can determine how conscientious you are by taking the “big five personality test.” I still have yet to fully take advantage of this program, but the initial data alone is very important for your growth.

I’m great in many areas, though lacking in this area. I’ve struggled with schedules, budgets, finances, planning, and direction.

Now that I’m developing this area I feel so much better.

Another way you can seek to improve yourself is by taking the “myers briggs personality test” (just google “personality test” and you’ll find it) and actively trying to embody the traits of your opposite.

I am an ENFP, so by embodying the traits of an ISTJ, I can grow and become more successful.

Instead of being so extraverted and loud, I’ve tried to listen. Instead of being so intuitive and thinking about what could be, I analyze what is and become sensory. Instead of feeling and going with the excitement, I think about what needs to get done and be more logical. Instead of being so perceptive of opportunity and people, I’ve attempted to be more judging and calculated in my direction.

I am not perfect yet, but simply knowing my direction is helping to align all of my other actions.

Yin & Yang

Almost everything in life comes in pairs. Yin & yang. Man and woman. Hot and cold. Light and dark.

At heart I am ENFP, but this is just yin. By embodying the traits of the yang, ISTJ, I can funnily enough improve my whole.

I’ve also realized this with the terms of my living situation. For the past 2+ years I’ve been ‘digital nomad’ which means I haven’t had a permanent residence, and constantly moved between cities & countries.

Traveling could be equated to yin, and staying in one place yang.

I’ve had too much yin (travel) in the past 2 years, and need more yang (staying in one place).

My goal is to have a primary residence/home base by next year (yang). It will be much better for all of my current goals in life, and strangely enough help me travel.

By settling in staying in one place I can develop deeper friendships/relationships, get a better routine to help my business (plus energy saved can be redirected towards these other areas), and ultimately generate more wealth.

Then all of these things will funny enough allow me to travel on vacation more, or try out other cities.

When you are too much yin/yang, you must embody the traits of the other in order to grow entirely, and paradoxically help your original yin/yang grow.

If you are too rigid, try to be spontaneous. If you are too spontaneous, try to be more rigid.

Another example: if you don’t like the cold and constantly try to be warm, you will ultimately become easily too cold and suffer from the original problem you attempted to avoid.

If on the other hand you take 3 minute cold showers every morning, you harden your skin so that you do not feel cold so easily.

By chasing too much yin, you embody the yang. You must incorporate both sides, light and darkness, to paradoxically get the side you originally wanted.


I feel curious about how Bulgaria will be. Now I am a different person, as are my previous friends.

It’ll be interesting to see what my experience of it is.

If I enjoy it, I’ll stay and live in Bulgaria as my permanent residence for the time being. If I do not, then I will permanently move to Phoenix or Chiang Mai.

Though we all know how plans go…

I’m approaching Bulgaria with an open mind. Let’s see it!

Leaving Thailand

I actually feel ready to leave Thailand. When I left Chiang Mai the first time for a weekend in Vietnam, I felt exhausted and desperate to return to Chiang Mai.

When I returned I was very happy and much more satisfied. The past couple months in Chiang Mai were wonderful, but something felt like it was missing.

I realized I made some mistakes in Chiang Mai, such as that at first I made friends with too many travelers, and then when they left I felt lonely.

Then I was too lazy to work hard to meet more people as I was focused on work, and thus made friends with people that I didn’t really love.

Even though I knew I didn’t like them, I wasn’t so judgy but instead too open to new people and thus regularly went out with people that had weird vibes.

It wasn’t all bad. Sometimes I was with great people, but I didn’t try hard enough. Business is simply more of a priority, which is another reason I’d choose to be in Bulgaria or USA- I already have social fulfillment so it’s one less thing to worry about.

Anyways, it happened as it did. It felt like my growth started to stunt near the end of Chiang Mai, and I felt bored. I love Chiang Mai but maybe it’s not my place, at least for now.

Like I mentioned earlier I grew a ton, and am so grateful/glad for the experience. I also fully intend to return to Thailand, especially as now I’ve learned some Thai and would like to continue learning Thai.

I’ve also many deep friends around Thailand that I’d like to meet again!

Ultimately though I’m ready to go.


After an estimated 3 months in Bulgaria, I will either move back to Chiang Mai, immigrate to Bulgaria, or move to Phoenix. In the case of the latter two, I’ll also plan a layover in Montreal for a couple weeks or longer.

Honestly a part of me longs again for the USA. There is something there which isn’t here.

It’s a constant struggle. I’ve traveled so much there’s always something else “there” which “here” doesn’t have. It’s why I’ve really needed to become present to the moment.

When I was in the USA for the last time, it felt as though I was a foreign immigrant moving to the USA.

I’ve basically spent so much time outside of the USA that it’s not my country entirely anymore. I’m so different!

Going back is always difficult because of the changes, but it also left me curious for more.

With having grown so much and looked into my dark side, insecurities, and weaknesses, I’ve realized that I may actually love the USA if I am willing to address the reasons which I kind of wanted to leave in the first place which were negative.

Of course I wanted to travel and see the world, but if I’m being completely honest there were a few things & perceptions I was running away from also.

It’s hard to say what is reality and what is not. There is hardly an objective truth in life as life responds to us in the way we give to it.

I feel genuinely curious to move back to the USA once again, and this time as a permanent residence from which I’ll travel from.

The fact is it’s easiest for me to live there, and there are some really awesome things that I can only appreciate now after having lived so long outside of the USA.

We’ll see. Plans don’t always go as planned. I may live in Bulgaria. Or Thailand. It doesn’t matter where as long as I get a permanent residence soon.

In Total

I feel ready to leave Thailand. I miss Bulgaria & my friends there. I’m curious to see what it’s like.

I’ve grown as a person, I’m changing, and things will be different, but now I’m curious to see things from an open perspective of both the good and the bad.

I’ve found my direction and ready for a primary residence soon.

See you in Bulgaria tomorrow…

A New Standard of Ethics

Today I was watching a video in a course by Sam Ovens at His consulting course has been exceptional in teaching me new business mentality, Facebook Ad strategies, and more.

One of the videos just now struck me very hard.

It’s called “Facing off with the Devil.” You can actually watch this course content for free on his website if you sign up for a free trial (you get the first 2 week’s worth of content for free, the rest you must pay to access).

In “Facing Off With the Devil,” and the previous course content, Sam Ovens talks about how mentality is equally if not more important in achieving a goal than knowing the day to day tactics.

For example you could know how to run Facebook Ads but if you’re too scared or self-sabotage every time before you get successful, you won’t go anywhere.

Intelligence means little if you don’t have the beliefs that actually give you success.

This particular video is all about observing trends in people and life. A lot of the content I already knew, but a lot of it was new also.

Even the stuff I already knew was refreshing to watch- in fact in this explanation I was able to better see the patterns in my own life.

A lot of it has been shocking though. By facing the denial, inner lies, and negative trends in my own life I’ve realized so much.

A New Standard of Ethics

Who doesn’t want to succeed in business? If I were to ask you “do you want to retire now” you would definitely say “hell yes.”

But let me ask you this: have you ever illegally downloaded a song, course, movie, game, or employed some trick or gimmick in order to remove advertisements in an app?

I know I have.

I have hundreds (if not thousands) of illegally downloaded songs, videos, movies, images, and thousands of dollars worth in online courses illegally supplied to me.

Why should I deserve any degree of wealth when I steal from others? Others have put hard work into producing content for me, some paid and some free, but ultimately by ripping their stuff off the internet it is a form of theft that prevents the owner from getting the proper credit or cash they deserve.

That’s the weird thing about all of us humans. We’re all searching for the cheapest, most free, whatever form of stuff yet we all want to build wealth ourselves.

How can we as a species possibly rise out of our negative tendencies and go on to something greater if we stab each other?

Nuances of Torrenting

For whatever reason we have rationalized our way through illegally downloading of content online, music being the most common, but also movies, images, and other things.

It’s fucked up.

If you were to walk into a shop and grab one of their shoes and run out the door without getting caught you’d be a criminal.

Yet people think that by illegally downloading content online you aren’t doing something so bad.

When I researched it wondering how I could so easily fall into this trap, no one seemed to think it was wrong at all.

Technically giving out content for free can help you in the long-run. For example, some musicians release all of their songs for free, and then build their wealth via concerts, shirts, and merchandise.

However if someone should request payment for their song, it would only be ethical to give them this credit.

Now of course there are nuances to torrenting.

Example: flights.

Should I pay for “no ads” on apps that I downloaded from the app store that I only play while on flights, effectively dodging all of the ads I was supposed to see in an ethical grey-zone?

In this case I have decided that I should. I’ve spent $12 on the apps I played the most, and intend to keep playing on flights, and deleted all of the rest.

What about movies & videos or podcasts though? What if you wish to watch something like this on a flight?

Well in my humble opinion it is perfectly ethical to torrent a movie as long as you pay for the movie after you’ve watched it.

For example, let’s say you want to watch the “Yes Man” movie. You can torrent it, put it on your computer or phone, watch it on a flight, then purchase it on YouTube Movies or something like this so that the creators get the proper credit.

As for public YouTube videos that would be free otherwise, this is an ethical grey-zone that I haven’t yet decided what’s best to do.

In some cases the videos have zero ads. In some cases they do.

Either way I think it’s ethical to download the videos only if you click on the video and leave it a “like” or “dislike” rating (and maybe a comment) after the fact also.

YouTube tracks how long you’ve watched a video, the engagement you give on it, etc. so by downloading YouTube videos and watching them offline you are robbing people of the ability to get a “like, comment, or view” which YouTube would then use to increase their engagement rating thus showing the video to more people.

Personal Decisions Moving Forward

I’ve deleted all songs, videos, movies, and photos off of my phone. When using free content I’ll try to give credit where credit is due, though it’s not always necessary (you can use Google’s “advanced search” option in order to find free stuff for ads).

I’ll attempt to take my own photos for ads, listen only to purchased music (otherwise listen on YouTube so that my views/engagement rating factor into their growth), pay for all value I’m receiving, and limit consumption of free material.

If I am receiving value, I will attempt to compensate the respective owner. One app I played that I really enjoyed appears to have no ads or method of donating, so I reached out to the developer via the contact Email offering a small donation if they would like it.

I owe almost $400 to a hospital in Canada that I feel didn’t really help me, but I’ll be balancing the invoice because I didn’t file an official dispute.

The Mirror

As explained in the video, and confirmed for me by my personal observations, everything in reality is reflected back to you via a mirror.

Back in 2017 when I was first getting started with online business I was investing a lot in my knowledge, buying things, being conscientious about money, etc. and that’s when I experienced the greatest growth.

Since then my income has remained basically the same, occasionally exceeding a certain point but then instantly falling back down to my baseline.

It’s actually hilarious. The whole saying that you have a certain “degree of wealth” you are comfortable with is so true.

My monthly income could never go lower than it is currently. If it did I’d freak out and work 24/7 until it got back to the same level.

At the same time it feels like there’s a barrier to the next level.

One way to step past the barrier as described in the video is to become the ideal client you wish to attract. This means paying for everything, extracting no free value, and paying on time, in full, etc. for everything. It also includes leaving tips, being generous, being pleasant, etc.

This is now what I fully intend to do. I hope to get many more clients, but first I must become the ideal client to all of the businesses I come into contact with.

I’m not trying to sound like I’m on a high-horse. It just makes logical sense that you should attract into your life what you are.

And it’s absolutely absurd to expect wealth when I take more from some people than I give.

How could I ask the Universe to give me wealth when I rip songs from YouTube to listen to them over and over for free, taking away from the owners the views, likes, or direct payment that they deserve?

Observations in the Wealth of Nations

One interesting observation I had made years prior, but now is really getting solidified, is the difference in mentality of certain countries compared to others.

In Germany for example there is a high standard of ethics. You are not allowed to illegally download things, and if you do you WILL get in trouble.

Germany is a great country to live in for the average person, clean, has great public transit, etc.

I’ve been there twice, and can personally attest to the beauty of Germany. People are non-criminal.

On the other hand the mentality in Bulgaria is that illegally downloading things is okay.

In fact based on my interaction with many in Bulgaria it seems that this behavior is the norm and completely acceptable. There is even a main website everyone goes to to illegally download movies, songs, etc.

Note: I am NOT ripping on any friends of mine, Bulgarians, or the nation of Bulgaria! I did the EXACT same thing, illegally downloading movies and songs from this exact same website… This is just an OBSERVATION of a correlation, not an attack on anyone.

This being said Bulgaria is the poorest EU country.

Now this is just two specially-selected countries and of course there are a million other factors that come into play here when we’re talking about the wealth or poverty of a nation.

Bulgaria particularly has experienced the bad-side of foreign occupation, destruction from WWII, destruction from Communism, etc. whereas Allied-occupied Germany at least had the support of France, Britain, and the USA when it came to rebuilding itself.

This is simply an observation, and nothing else. There will be nuances and those that don’t follow this particular rule entirely.

It’s just an interesting thing to observe.

Give as You Would like to Receive

Ultimately I’m just trying to be the person that I would want others to be to me from now on.

I won’t be perfect at it. I might mess up. We all do. And you shouldn’t feel bad for where you’re at because we all start somewhere..

There were a ton of other lessons in this video, and I still have more of it to watch (I just had to delete all my songs and stuff from PC/phone before proceeding and write this blog post first).

So while there were tons of other lessons and I’d highly recommend checking out these things first, this is one of my big take-aways: that I must give as I would like to receive.

On a very fundamental level, I’d like to embody the traits of a wealthy individual. A wealthy person does not rip off songs from musicians or illegally downloads movies. They just whip out their credit card and pay.

For a long time, years now, I’d always so “I’ll pay all the musicians back when I finally get wealthy,” but in reflection I realize that all the times I was increasing my wealth was when strangely I was investing in reality as ethically as possible.

This means that I was purchasing courses, buying products that I thought would benefit me, and being a good customer.

I wasn’t mulling for hours or weeks over a purchase decision, avoiding invoices, or illegally downloading songs when I was building wealth.

Other Lessons

This post may have been a bit rambly- I’m quite a bit tired. There were all kinds of other lessons I wish I could instantly communicate from this one video, but I’m too tired to write it and need to get working again.

All in all there is definitely an observable trend in how people treat you based on how you treat others. There is some degree of karma, or the law of attraction, or mirror reflection.

Moving forward I’d like to embody the traits of my ideal clients, and minimize the consumption of free things and instead pay for everything that I consume.

No more “waiting to be wealthy” before buying songs instead of illegally downloading them or stuff like this. First you must give, to get…

What are your thoughts on this?


Escaping from Darkness Within

“All is mind. Mind is all…. The Universe is Mental, held in the Mind of THE ALL.”

-The Kybalion

This Ancient Hermetic principle that “all is Mental” is irrefutable in both Science & Philosophy- it doesn’t matter which side you take.

Should you take the philosophical or spiritual side, you’ll believe in the spiritual nature of our existence and that we have came from elsewhere.

If you prefer the more scientific angle to the belief, then you’ll realize that all that is experienced can only be done so through the nervous system, and all in the nervous system leads to the mind.

Books like “You are the Universe” prove scientifically via complicated yet graspable explanations this.

At the same time, it’s irrefutable that we live in a physical world. It would be rather unwise to believe you can fly and jump off a cliff… You may be in for a surprise.

When it comes though to growing and creating wealth, attracting relationship or sexual partners, and developing your life you’ll realize that the vast majority of it is mental.

In dreams our Minds can instantly manifest anything. In the Physical which we reside in things may take a bit more time to come to you, but they always come.

There’s nothing I haven’t intently pursued that hasn’t came to me. By “intently” I mean that I also held a vision in my mind of receiving it, and persisted until it arrived.

The Great Struggle with this is that there is a certain darkness within- a part of us too trapped in the physicality of life to ever unleash the greatness that can also be found within.

This Darkness is too trapped in what IS and refuses to see what COULD BE. It gets trapped in repetitive thought patterns that prevent you from seeing opportunity. It creates a self-perpetuating circle of darkness.

Other base desires take over such as hunger, desire for sex, and an egoistic drama in how you partake in social life.

One of the greatest triggers of this darkness is fear.

A few days ago I launched a great new project for my business. I spent the past few days exhausted and doing nothing but trying to enjoy life after so much work.

When I checked the results of this project, I instantly felt the Fear and began to worry that my results weren’t good enough.

Despite my extensive training and step-by-step guide to success given by a mentor, I felt fear.

I almost wanted to back out of the project, to end it before more was lost, but then I took a deep breath, relaxed, and began to attempt to see the project objectively.

As I reviewed the data, to my astonishment, some of the metrics I was aiming for I blew completely out of the water!

I was doing much better than I could’ve anticipated.

It’s just that in the heat of the moment I missed my little success, instead focused on the aspects of the project which were less than ideal, and filled myself with fear.

The reality is that things are actually looking great. My project’s KPI may be within closer reach than I imagined!

As I’ve relaxed, and even write this to calm myself down more, I remember my training more and more.

The fearful part of my brain shuts off as the higher consciousness inside me takes over. I remember my plan & path towards my objective, and remember that I had anticipated certain roadblocks like the one I’m experiencing now- but I’m doing better than the average for sure.

All is mental, and mental is all. While we do inhabit a physical world, we interact with this physical world through our mind.

We are vastly limited by our senses, unable to truly see anything objectively. We can approach objectivity but can never truly be objective.

In this way it can be all too easy to fall for the trap of darkness and shoot yourself in the foot before ever taking a step out of the darkness.

With every great goal or project there is a Fear, a great Darkness. It’s not the moments where you feel inspiration that you’ll face the Fear, but instead the moments where you aren’t inspired that determines whether your goal comes to fruition in reality or not.

Your goals & dreams may be closer than you imagine… But you are limited by certain senses and feelings.

I urge you to try relax and find a path to your objective- And stick to it.

I’m walking a path I desperately wanted to walk many years ago. This project is everything to me.

I don’t feel inspired now. I feel slightly uneasy, wondering about the results and my money on the line.

There are doubts, fears, and a Darkness within. But I must walk the path I set out to walk when I was inspired.

And so must you.

All is mental, and mental is all. Yes there is the physical realm, but it only exists because we can perceive the physical through our mind. In the end there is vastly more available in resources than we could’ve imagined- we just have to open our creativity to it, and walk our paths amidst darkness.