Author Archives: Michael

It’s Okay To Have Good Memories With Them

When I was in Bali, I often found myself tortured by circling thoughts surrounding my ex and previous relationship.

I found it hard to imagine how such boundaries could be crossed… And what made me act in the strange ways that I did?

Love is a powerful drug, and as I’ve learned it doesn’t necessarily bring out the best in you.

Sure, it can make you stronger, happier, healthier, and give you a newfound passion and purpose for living. It can be exactly what you need.

But it can also bring out your possessive side, the needy side, the manipulative and controlling side.

If everyone is being completely honest no one is close to perfect. We all act a bit strange while under the influence of the most powerful drug on Earth.

Even if your actions are kind, you still likely have some problem. It could be that you’re idealizing your partner, or perhaps you’re being a bit too okay with certain boundaries being crossed.

As powerful as that love is, it isn’t always meant to last in this lifetime- if at all.

There’s probably not much more painful than a break up. It can go on for days, weeks, months, years… It just hurts. And you don’t know how to fix it.

It’s such a mind-fuck. It’s like you’re mourning someone but they’re still alive. It’s such a challenge, and one of the hardest things to overcome.

Idealizing the past is not good because that is not the true situation. The truth is it wasn’t all sunshine n’ rainbows.

You can’t hate them though because hate keeps them in your heart and prevents you from moving on.

You can try to focus on their downsides as reasons for moving on, but that doesn’t help much either.

You can delude yourself into thinking things would be better in the future, when really you two would just fall back into the same dynamic.

Honestly I don’t think a certain part of the brain will ever understand a break up. Can it?

One day you wake up and it doesn’t hurt so bad. You feel a bit happy and grateful for everything you have.

And there’s not anything special that you did, it’s just that you feel better.

Sure things like making deep friends, getting a life purpose, working hard, working out, and just letting yourself cry help- a ton.

There’s also the side of recovery which is just “giving it time.” Feeling it out. Going into darkness, so you can be reminded what light is.

One of the biggest mind-fucks of a break up is the contrast between the good and bad times.

If you focus on the good times, you idealize your past partner, ignoring that your boundaries were crossed and that you probably have some self-development work also.

If you focus on the bad times, as a method of telling yourself “this is why we need to move on,” then you just grow resentful and the pain stays all that much more longer.

One of those most important epiphanies I had when I first came to Thailand was that..

It’s Okay To Have Good Memories With Them.

And it’s okay to let those good memories sit there. Don’t indulge in them, but they don’t need to be destroyed or forgotten.

I think I was trying a bit too hard to forget everything. I couldn’t comprehend that her darkness existed next to her brightness.

Since that day I’ve felt a ton better. It’s like a wave of acceptance and peace washed over me.

Some days I still hurt and have a few tears to let loose, but I’m doing so much better. When a positive memory surfaces, I can just let it be there and then let it go back into the countless list of great memories I have.

I think I got this epiphany thinking of other girls I had a short thing with, or even girls that I had hung out with here.

There is one very attractive girl I hooked up with recently for example, and even though that was a one-night thing there’s no need to purge this memory all because it won’t continue forever into the future.

The memory can sit there, and I can just be grateful for the experience that I had.

While the dynamics in my past relationship weren’t perfect- we definitely bordered on co-dependence- there were some damn good memories and she was there and vice versa sometimes.

I found this brought about a new wave of gratitude for her, and peace. Not gratitude in a needy way desperately wishing to go back, but just gratitude that it happened.

We were meant to be in those moments of time. We weren’t mature enough or ready or perhaps even meant to be forever… and that’s okay.

Now when I feel the pain, I try to ask myself what other lesson I need to learn. Sometimes I learn about how I should’ve set better boundaries, or walked away sooner.

But there are also lessons of the mistakes that I made. The pain forces you to improve and grow. It is fuel for a better you.

The past is the past, and all because there is pain for a love that didn’t last forever doesn’t mean the good memories need to be purged too.

All because they weren’t there when you needed them in the end doesn’t mean that they weren’t there for you before- because they were. Just something changed, maybe your fault, maybe not, but it did, so change and improve with it.

With every experience in life we can “get better, or get bitter.” Change forces you to move up or down. Reflecting on my life there’s never been a moment that I haven’t been moving up or down.

So let the good memories rest where they may, and keep on moving up. Better awaits.

I’ll add too that this applies not just to past romantic partners but everyone- friends, family, everyone & everything.

As I “adult” I learn that not everyone is who I thought they were. The past begins to make more sense with certain people as I learn things that… shock me.

We all have a darkness inside of us, no point in denying that. That doesn’t mean the light needs to be purged because that too is the truth. There are two truths in everyone.

Let the good memories be, and let them go as you create new ones.


Love & Ladyboys: Tales of Thailand

In 4 days, I must leave Thailand for a “visa run,” or I must extend my visa. Wow, that went by fast.

It feels like yesterday that I was departing from Bali, saying good-bye to my newfound friends and adventures I enjoyed in Indonesia.

I deeply missed Bali- it’s a place I must return to soon, but there is just something here in Thailand that nowhere else in the world has.

It’s got something that makes “Thailand” the place to live and “Bali” the place to work-cation.

In fact it even has me questioning the whole immigrate-to-Bulgaria thing that I had originally planned on doing later this year!

Now the thought of committing to a 3-month apartment lease in Sofia seems too much after the “take it day-by-day” vibe you have here in Southeast Asia.

With next-day flights basically as cheap as flights purchased 1 week or 1 month in advance, and abundant apartment rentals available on a month-by-month basis, any type of commitment seems scary.

Did you know that Asians, when their brains have been studied, literally process information different than Westerners? This is actually probably true of every culture.

I’ve taken many of the good pieces of their culture and integrated it into my personality. Now, while I do miss Bulgaria, I kind of want to stay…

So let’s talk about Thailand. For the past month, I’ve been living in Chiang Mai.

Last year I was in Bangkok for 1 week and Chiang Mai for 3 weeks. I also had just broken up with my ex, was in massive culture shock, had a surgery, and a motorcycle crash. Yeah, things were a bit dark…

I couldn’t appreciate the beauty and “awesomeness” of Thailand then. Now I do, and WOW, now I understand why people come here and stay forever!

Chiang Mai is just such an incredible place to live. It’s quiet, relaxed, filled with beautiful nature, near waterfalls and lakes and mountains, cheap, has tasty food, and even the night-life scene is pretty good considering how small the city is!

One of my most favorite aspects is the abundant number of coffee shops & cafes all over the place that are literally designed for work.

This place caters to students and digital entrepreneurs, so it’s an exceptional place to get some work done while also having a great, balanced social & party life.

At any hour you are sure to find a good place to work with good or exceptional internet connection. Coffee & Thai Tea is delicious.

“Ristr8to,” while not a place designed for work, is a place I love to frequent with friends as it literally is one of the best coffee shops in the world. Their signature coffee costs 98 Baht, or about $3.

In USA for a similar taste & size you’d pay at least $6, but probably even more. Especially in expensive cities like Seattle!

Here you can enjoy world class coffee by a Barista who literally won multiple international Latte Art championships around the world for just $3! If you follow my Instagram (@DrivingTheUniverse) you’ll regularly see I post his designs he makes on my coffee, including angels, unicorns, rabbits, and more!

Things are just good here. I am missing a bit of that deep social connection & social life that I had in Sofia, but I can see that the longer I stay here the more likely I am to find it here.

In fact, it is already developing like that. I’ve already observed myself coincidentally bumping into several people all over the place. It kind of feels like the Sofia, Bulgaria of Southeast Asia!

Thai culture is exceptionally kind as well. You can expect amazing service, smiles, and genuinely wonderful people. Learning a bit of Thai helps also.

One running joke about Thailand is about the ladyboys. “Be careful about hooking up with ladyboys,” everyone shouts!

One night me and a friend went out. I went home with a beautiful girl, a 10/10 in my book.

He went home also with a beautiful girl but… As his hand went down, he.. erm.. found out that it wasn’t a girl he took home.

It didn’t bother him though, and having spent some time here, I wouldn’t say it would bother anyone so much either. It’s only scary when you haven’t lived here. Once you’ve experienced life here in Thailand yourself, silly things like this don’t bother you.

If that happens, you just draw the line and walk away.

In your mind it is traumatizing because you know it’s a boy, but when the primal part of your brain really thinks it is a girl you can’t really be traumatized, even after logically knowing that it is a boy.

The next night after my friend pulled a ladyboy, I met with a ladyboy. We didn’t touch or kiss anything- I suspected it was a ladyboy from the start, given that her friends were ladyboys (typically they all hang around each other).

I was tired and a bit tipsy, and I couldn’t believe that it was a guy. This “girl” looked so real that if she were alone with a ton of other girls who weren’t obviously ladyboys, there would honestly be no way to tell.

They invited me to dinner, and I decided to go, because why not? It was an interesting experience hanging out with them.

Before I had felt resistant to being around ladyboys, and I’m not entirely sure why. Now I feel my mind is more open, I feel more compassionate and understanding towards trans.

I can’t say whether it’s right or wrong, but my thinking now is just that it’s a path that their soul must experience in this lifetime. In that way, it is perhaps right for them, and no need to judge.

I personally would not want to do anything sexual with a ladyboy, but after that night and hearing about my friend’s story the fear of accidentally kissing a ladyboy is gone.

Yeah, this sounds crazy, some of you are gonna freak out, but really it’s only one of those things you’re afraid of when you haven’t had proper experience in Thailand.

After you’ve lived in Thailand for some time (technically I’ve spent 2 total months in Thailand now!) the fear is gone. There’s sometimes no way to tell, and the primal part of your brain can’t get traumatized because the ladyboys truly do look so feminine.

Countless memories have already been made in this fast month of Thailand, so much so that I’m a bit sucker-punched because I really can’t decide what to do next!

My visa expires in 4 days- what the hell should I do?

I’ve tried just now writing down some ideas. I want to explore Vietnam, Bangkok, and even stay longer here in Chiang Mai. I also of course miss Bali and have friends there.

There’s just so much to explore and do, and now that I’m finally healing from my last relationship I’m feeling so much more mentally healthy and ready to take on the world.

I am regaining that self-confidence and self-belief that everything will be alright no matter what.

I am feeling stronger, happier, and more able of taking care of myself and working towards my goals.

I am reconnecting with myself, feeling alive, feeling energized.

In the next month or so, I plan on going back to Sofia. Of course, it seems that every month I extend my stay in Asia a bit longer… So we’ll see what happens.

For now, I must decide what to do. Visa extension, or visa run? Move to Bangkok, or visit it for a weekend while living in Chiang Mai? So much to do and see!

And the beautiful thing is, unlike Europe or North America, everything is so affordable and short-term that there’s no such thing as a bad decision.

Apartments don’t have to be booked for 1 year or even 3 months. I can do it for 1 week and decide day by day what to do.

I’d like to create a bit of mental stability, as I prioritize work & working out, but I’m truly relishing in the fact that I need not commit to anything.

At the end stages of healing from a relationship, I’m so happy to know that I don’t have to commit to anyone or anything now.

Who knows what I’ll do. All I know is that my experience of Bali & Thailand have been amazing and made me really question what I should do next. It was much more awesome than I could’ve ever anticipated.


Follow The Signs

For some time now I haven’t been able to decide whether I should stay in Southeast Asia longer, or travel back “home” to Bulgaria.

The decision has always been 50/50 in my mind, but rather than worrying (like I would’ve a couple years ago), I decided to relax and wait for a sign or for my subconscious mind to sort the problem out.

Occasionally I would journal about it, or ask my brain to sort it out as I slept. Science has proven that almost all decisions we make are subconscious anyways- our conscious brain only understands so much of what’s going on.

And so I waited. I focused on enjoying life, and relaxing until the answer came to me clearly.

One day (yesterday) I felt a sudden intuitive feeling to go to a particular sushi restaurant and bring my journal. I was really enjoying what I was doing, but I decided to follow the feeling.

I began to eat delicious sushi and journal about this or that. I looked up at the TV screen, and there was some volleyball game playing.

It appeared Thailand was playing some other country. When the camera zoomed in on one of the female players of the opposing team, I thought it was strange just how closely they resembled the Bulgarians.

That’s when I realized the team code was BUL. They were all dressed in green.

In disbelief, I squinted my eyes to see clearly what was happening on this tiny screen.

Thailand was playing Bulgaria in an intense game of volleyball, and it was completely tied!

As if this game mimicked the struggles of my mind, there was no apparent winner! Thailand was playing Bulgaria in an intense match of volleyball!

Both Thailand & Bulgaria had won a round, and in this third round they were tied 8-8. The first time to reach 25 by a margin of 2 points would win the next round.

To my shocking disbelief, it seemed that a very apparent sign had came to me. I never thought that any “sign” or “omen” would come so glaringly obvious.

In fact, I began to journal some more in utter disbelief. What are the fucking odds that for a couple weeks you can’t decide whether to stay in Thailand longer, or to travel back to Bulgaria, and then you see a game of volleyball on TV in which Bulgaria plays Thailand- and it is completely tied?!?

At first I didn’t think much of it, until after a few minutes I realized they were still tied, just now 12-12. There was not going to be a clear winner.

Every time one team got a point, the other would quickly follow it up and tie it. This was exactly like my mind- on some hours I thought it better to return to Sofia, and on others I longed for more time in Southeast Asia before returning to Bulgaria.

The game quickly engulfed my entire attention. Never before had I watched the TV so intently, or enjoyed a sport so much.

Was this… a sign? I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the Universe giving me some guiding light.

It sounds absolutely absurd to base my decision of whether to stay in Thailand or go back to Bulgaria on the results of a volleyball game, but again… what are the odds?

And why is it that so often in my life I am getting these strange synchronicity moments that appear to be guiding me down a particular path???

The game raged on, and it remained primarily a tie, until finally Thailand got 2 points ahead and won this round. By the way, you only win a round if it’s by a margin of 2 points so this is literally the most intense round won possible.

During the fourth round I had an intuitive feeling- Thailand was going to win.

I even posted it on my Instagram story along with a picture of the game to show that I was making this strange prediction far in advance, when it couldn’t be accurately decided yet who would win.

It was almost as if my subconscious mind decided it would rather stay in Thailand longer before returning to Bulgaria, and so influenced the results of that fourth round. I know this sounds absurd- they won because Thailand was performing better, but was this really a coincidence?

The fourth round was equally intense, and because I had subconsciously made my own mind to remain in Thailand, I cheered for Thailand instead of Bulgaria. If Bulgaria won this round, a final & long fifth round would be played, which I did not want to sit around for as I had been sitting for so long already!

Once again Thailand won by an extremely tight margin of 2 points. Thailand won.

It was decided. I would stay in Thailand another month, either by extending my visa or by taking a visa run to a nearby country.

Sometimes I think it’s crazy to write about stories like this, and as I told this story to acquaintances people agreed that it was crazy but I don’t think anyone really grasped the significance of such a coincidence.

Having observed these moments of synchronicity in my own life over and over, it becomes all the more enchanting when they happen.

All of the spiritual teachers & books talk about following omens, following your heart, and not rushing to make decisions that the subconscious mind can solve. Yet when it actually happens to you, it’s so hard to believe. I can’t even believe I’m writing this, and I expect people to think I’m crazy and not to believe this story!

Alas, it is true, and I don’t need anyone to believe it because it happened to me. It also was posted all over my Instagram story, if you’re curious.

It seems that, at least for my life, there are indeed signs guiding me towards a particular path!

Whether somehow I “transurfed” into a reality in which Thailand won, by subconsciously deciding I would stay, or it was simply a validating sign from the Universe that I should remain here, one thing is certain is that this was no accident.

Here on this blog I have countless stories of strange synchronicity and guiding signs, sometimes I feel like I’m in my own strange book.

Most of my life is not so mystical, but these strange, mystical events do happen, and when they do they never cease to amaze me!

I am staying in Thailand for another month. Call it crazy, but the Universe (or whatever) could not have made it clearer that I should remain here.

For some weeks I struggled with this question, and then so clearly watched a game of volleyball of Thailand vs. Bulgaria. And not just that, the game was tied, intense, and close, just like the decision in my mind.

You must surely have signs in your own life, but you’ll see them only if you are open to them!

I called to something for help on making this decision and by some strange power help came.

I’m certain that the same could happen to you, if you open up and follow the signs or listen to your heart. That’s when the magic happens, and when we are reminded that there really is something weird going on here on planet Earth.

Follow the signs, they’re taking you somewhere for a reason…


A Walk Through a Casino…

The last days in Montreal were extremely cold, and my last day (yesterday) was even snowing!

Important note: I wrote this post in Winter of 2019, but I forgot to publish it as I believe I wrote this while on the flight back to Phoenix from Montreal. Publishing it now, as I discovered it in a word file tucked away in a folder on my computer!

When I met with a friend to hangout, we were originally planning on walking around, but instead we decided to walk through a casino- free cover, free coat check, etc. just to see what it’s like.

This was actually a very shocking and eye-opening experience and has made me question a lot of what I think to be true in my own life.

Here is the walk in the casino…

A Horrifying Reality

The casino was HUGE. It was filled with slot machine games, where you pull a lever down a press a button and hope to get 3 in a row or something like that. There weren’t many poker tables.

These slot machine games were quite flashy, with colors all over the place. Some of them had names of popular movies or games. I didn’t realize they gamified it so much, making it seem as if you actually are contributing in some way.

I think the casino was huge and filled with endless turns and lights to confuse you so that it would become harder to leave. There were several layers, rooms, etc. When we finally wanted to leave there was no clear exit.

The people who played the slot machine games were primarily the elderly, along with some middle-age and even youthful-looking people; however the primary demographic was older people. The middle-age & younger slot machine players were not dressed well.

The experience was horrifying not because of the morality of casinos or the fact that these games exist.

It was horrifying because of the people who played. The vibe of the place was… dark. I could feel the pull on me of “what if you win and you can win millions, and then that’ll be it!” It almost felt like being in this artificially exciting area was productive!

I would often stare and watch people as they played the slot machines. They threw away hundreds and thousands of dollars with each pull of the lever. Their faces looked blank, as they stared at the screen.

Occasionally I caught myself staring at the screen also. I think they’re designed to put you in a “derp state,” kind of like TV, except even worse than TV because you’re actively (or passively?) giving up thousands of dollars.

The faces of those glued to the machines horrified me most of all. It showed me what I didn’t want in life, which is so important in determining what you DO want.

Was it so that these elderly couples had NOTHING to do all day but gamble away their life’s savings? There’s no way that everyone in the casino was rich and playing for entertainment’s sake. I caught the vibe that people were trapped in a vicious cycle, playing the game over and over hoping to be “the one who wins.”

Perhaps they even believe that if they play long enough, and give in enough money, that eventually they will win! The occasional small wins don’t help because it reinforces the possibility- a lie which is being sold to everyone in the casino.

Every face glued on the slot machine was blanker than the typical pedestrian on the street. Look into people’s eyes as you walk about in public, and you will see that some people have a “glow” whereas others have become dull and bored with life.

The people in this casino were “more far gone,” if you will. I don’t really know how to explain it with words, as I’m still processing the emotions. You’d have to walk into a casino to understand- just don’t get tempted by the lights & noises and signs everywhere reminding you that YOU could be the one to “win.”

After the horrors of the slot machines, I went over to the poker areas. The poker tables had faces much more alive (albeit not by much), though I still got a bit of a hostile, negative vibe. I think people were concerned me & my friend were spies for someone else, so everyone gave extremely aggressive stares when we observed.

The blackjack tables were the best, perhaps because it involved actual conscious thought AND people were competing against the casino, NOT each other. I saw only 2 people with faces that appeared alive, however they also won 5 blackjack games in a row.

Still the vast majority of players were “durrrrr,” derped out, and mindlessly playing and playing.

I just… don’t understand, why? Why not go play black jack or poker with some chips with your buddies? In the minimum $20 black jack table, I was surprised to watch people bet $20 OVER AND OVER like it was nothing!

You might argue that people can do what they want, and I’d agree, but you won’t understand until you’ve watched people but hundreds (and thousands) on the table just to lose it in the course of minutes.

The customers at this casino were, forgive me for saying this, perhaps not so conscious of even what was going on- dare I say monkey-like? This may be why you play with chips instead of cash- to prevent you from realizing just how much money you’re losing.

Everything in the casino was designed to keep you there. The music was good, but I think that the tempo was slowed down, which means the song plays just a bit slower than normal which has been scientifically proven to make people walk & do things slower. I used to be a musician so I’m a bit more attuned to this.

I felt bad for the people at the casino. For whatever reason, they were giving away countless dollars for nothing, and it didn’t even look like they were enjoying it. If you truly love casinos, great; but I don’t think these people are even aware of what’s happening. Either that or they have nothing better to do with their life.

Hours, Money, Where, Why???

At some game table, I watched an old man put shocking amounts of money on the board over and over. He won some, lost some, and I think he was breaking even or maybe losing a tiny amount.

I had figured out what each chip represents in terms of cash, and I was astonished he was so easily putting this on the board and losing the money without blinking an eye. Was this man rich, and just enjoying it, or was he gambling away his life’s savings? I think not rich; otherwise I doubt you’d be foolish enough to play a game you can’t win.

Each chip was about $25 (I think, or $50) which means that 2 chips was $50. He was regularly putting in 1-2 chips per game. Each game is 1-2 minutes.

Let’s say this man was educated, and so we could guess he made in his life about $50 per hour while working. This means that he was regularly putting on the table about an hour of his life.

That is also is what is so shocking: if you convert the monetary value to time, you realize that people are putting down on the board ENTIRE WORK-WEEKS worth of TIME!

I’m certain many of these old people gambling were just using their life’s savings to play in the casino, so not only did they waste their life in the 9-5 grind, they also THREW AWAY the entire work week in the casino in the course of a couple hours.

How could you justify throwing away so much money, when it took you so long and so hard just to get it in the first place???

Giving Away Your Life for Money

I think that people like him just saved up their whole life to retire, and then realized they had nothing to do all day and so gamble it away in hopes of winning more money.

These people have unfortunately become so disconnected from reality they think that “Money” actually matters… it doesn’t. Freedom does- and money is one aspect of freedom. For example, I am sure most people in the casino have a higher net worth than me, but I’m also the only person to have gone on a world travel adventure (excluding that one other “lucky winner”).

I see on Reddit a lot and other places this mentality of “save money until retirement.” The problem is people get so obsessed with “money” they don’t know what they want to do with it when they finally retire. Do you want to sky dive, adventure, etc.?

The more you wait to make your dreams a reality, the harder it is to go chase them, and the more disconnected you become from it. I always wanted to visit & explore Asia and the longer I went without focusing on it the more it ate away at me.

Even now I have my doubts about whether I should go straight to Asia or return to Bulgaria to enjoy company with friends as I’m still heartbroken, but I’m getting tired of making excuses not to go to Asia, which is why I might just go even if it makes better logic sense to hit Europe first again.

The casino players have traded their life for money, and so it’s the last thing they have, at least I think. Either that or everyone is in debt. One way or another, something is going on but the look on their faces as they mindlessly “durrrr” away their time and money is a wakeup call.

The Implications

I was watching one young middle-age man on a slot machine in shock: he must’ve been in his early 30’s, and yet there he was, on the slot machine, mindlessly pulling the lever and pushing a button over and over to keep gambling away money.

Retired people about to die giving up their money in a casino is maybe understandable, but I absolutely can’t understand how anyone in their early 30’s would want to waste so much money on a game they know deep down they can’t win.

Suddenly, a thought arose: THIS IS ME!!!

How is derping on Reddit, or seeking achievement through video games, or browsing YouTube ANY DIFFERENT than the lost souls in the casino?

Short answer: IT ISN’T!

The only difference between my vices and theirs is that they are giving up time AND money, whereas I’m just giving up time. Of course video games do cost something, but in 2018 I think I only spent $100-$200 in the entire year on video games.

However, it still makes me just as much a mindless derp to waste my time on those things as it does those who waste their life in a casino. They think they’re winning money, whereas I feel like I’m actually doing something- as if clearing another outpost in Far Cry 4 or winning an intense match on CS:GO actually matters.

And sometimes, I get REALLY into it. I’ve been matched with teams in CS:GO that have been very positive and uplifting, but we’ve also been matched with a very competitive enemy. We have had games where we are down 5 or more and then come back just barely, and it feels amazing.

I’ve also had games with toxic teammates, who made me feel like shit, and enemies who hacked and games that were overall just boring or annoying. It’s kind of up to luck, JUST LIKE CASINOS.

I’m not saying everyone should give up video games, or that they’re even evil, because there are obviously degrees to which you should allow yourself a “derp” state. Consciously scheduling in 1 hour every other day to play some video games is probably okay. Also, it’s quite fun when you make it a social event with friends. Playing alone for extended periods of time is where things get dangerous, which is what I used to do when I was a teenager.

Reddit though? That’s an absolute vice. There’s hardly useful information, it’s LUCK based on whether you get positive responses or not, and same thing: it puts you into a mindless, endless derp state.

Now Reddit does have some positive qualities, such as the ability to ask for relationship advice or seek general advice on specific things that Google might not easily be there for you.

Casino & Life Reflection

Walking through the casino made me really reflect on humanity, life, where I want to go, and where I’m at currently.

We can judge the casino players all we want, but wasting time makes you no more the wiser- you just lose a little less money.

I think that there are “degrees of derp,” with casino addicts being some of the worst derps and Reddit users a very minor derp. In the end though, you’re still wasting precious time in a state which isn’t exactly fulfilling, which isn’t productive, and which doesn’t net you anything positive (usually).

Most internet tools are now used completely mindlessly. For example I’d never remove Facebook because the groups, messages, and friends list are so vital, but I also don’t derp on the feed.

The whole experience was a wakeup call to analyze myself and see where I’m a derp because the last thing I want for my life is to look back on missed dreams, or worse derp down to the point of a casino player.

I really need to cut Reddit, YouTube, and video games. Having done so in the past, I can say that it’s hard because with the extra free time you suddenly don’t know what to do with your life.

You actually have to TRY to socialize, you actually have to confront your short-comings, you actually have to see yourself as you are… and it’s a ton easier to stay in that sweet, sweet comfort zone away from all that thinking.

We are still apes

We think we are so evolved, and do experiments on apes where they see flashing lights and buttons and press things and we act like we’re so advanced.

Are we really? We are still fundamentally apes. We just have a little extra frosting on top.

We waste our time on the internet, we enter derp states on TV, we gamble away our money, and we have silly political fights that go absolutely nowhere.

One day future generations, assuming they can successfully evolve past this state, will look back upon us with disgust, just as we look at apes with a slight aura of superiority and disgust. “Look at these stupid humans,” they will exclaim!

“We can teach them how to play a slot machine LOL,” they will laugh. Or perhaps they’ll hand a captured human a modern phone and giggle as the human forgets all aspects of reality in favor of the magical little screen.

Sure, we’re a bit more evolved. Don’t be egoistic though. We are still very primal. Our brains have yet to catch up to this fascinating new world, and until it does, there will be countless mind trips to pull you into derp states, suck your time, energy, and wealth.

I don’t know how possible it is to stay awake, but I know I’d like to try. I already have noticed a slight decrease in attention span & focus ability in myself over the past couple years, and that’s REALLY scary. I went from 18 to 20, so it’s not like I “aged.”

In fact, I almost wonder if attention spans can remain the same (or improve) as you get older but because we stop studying and growing (and you know technology) our attention spans get worse… I’ve met some very brilliant old people, however they’re incredibly rare. Most would rather derp into bitterness and old age.

How can you prevent the derp states?


Everything is Just Hype

Today I was working, when I had to pass through Reddit to post on a client account.

By default my personal account was signed in. I was kind of entering flow, so I hesitated to press “Enter” on Reddit, knowing that I very well could lose my flow if I had notifications.

Thankfully, I didn’t. But the second danger caught my eye: /r/AskReddit.

Ask Reddit is a subreddit where fascinating questions are often asked, and the stories/replies by the users are equally epic. Sometimes it’s triggering questions such as about people who accidentally killed someone, and other times purely fascinating & feel-good content.

One way or another, while Instagram or Facebook might be your vice, Reddit is mine.

Recently I’ve been avoiding it and feeling all the better because of it. Today though, I had to pass through Reddit because now I am growing a Reddit account for a client.

Anyways, a /r/AskReddit post caught my eye. It was tempting to click the post and read, but I didn’t wish to disrupt my flow.

Suddenly an insight hit me: every fucking day there is something fascinating and interesting on this Reddit website. I don’t need to click through this post because if I’m truly curious I’ll remember it later, and if later I wish to consciously browse Reddit, then there will always be something waiting for me!

I began to reflect: this is true of YouTube, Reddit, social media, everything. As I write this the entirety of the entertainment industry stands by, ready to entertain me when I’m ready.

It is designed to be addictive by nature. It is designed to please us. And why would we browse Reddit if it weren’t pleasing immediately, or do whatever other vice you have?

The thing is, I just had a huge epiphany which led to the writing of this post: everything is hype.

I don’t need to click that Reddit post because in reality there is no urgency. It will wait for me for when I finish work, if I truly desire to read it.

Already I’ve forgotten what the post is. Now that I try to recall, I can vaguely remember some of the words, but funny enough I don’t actually remember the entirety of the post title.

Do you remember what Facebook posts you saw yesterday, which YouTube videos you wasted time on, or which posts you liked on Instagram?

Probably not.

Now that doesn’t mean we have to cut these things out completely, I’m just saying that you’re not going to remember a large portion of your life so you minus well do things that fulfill you long-term.

For example, I am still reaping the benefits of the hard work I did years ago to learn digital marketing! I’ve had my main job for about 2 years now, and there is no end in sight.

That’s 2 years of world travel, income, and location freedom because I decided to put in the work to get a client over 2 years ago.

The work that I did years ago is still affecting me today! And the work you have done years ago is still impacting you, if not through the habits you’ve developed that affect you day by day.

Again, I’m not saying you should cut out YouTube or Reddit or something completely. Enjoy your life by all means.

All I’m saying is that so much of this entertainment is pure hype. It’s all too easy to let your mind get hooked by these things, as if there is some sense of urgency- but there will always be new content awaiting you.

You likely won’t even remember what you “lost” when you decide to brush Reddit aside for the hour, or YouTube, or Instagram, just like you wouldn’t remember what you “gained” had you done it.

But you WILL feel the ramifications of working out, improving a relationship, or growing a business!

The hype of the world is luring and addicting. It is endless. The entirety of the world stands by, ready to please you. Countless video games, movies, TV shows, social media posts, videos, and blogs await your attention and money.

It can wait though… And it will, if you have the courage to set it down and work towards what you want.