I feel the haze of the past couple months is finally passing by, and I’m returning back to my ideal self… it is exciting!
In today’s post, I’ll share with you some upcoming travel plans, other activities I’m doing, some key take-away lessons and more!
Despite my extreme sadness over my ex & getting over some other crazy traumatic life events, somehow my business has been doing absolutely wonderful…
In fact, the past month in business has been THE best month I’ve EVER had in business in my entire life!
This blows my mind because I haven’t felt like I’ve done a whole lot, when in fact I actually have.
Mini-Lesson: Feelings & Success
Feelings are not a good predictor of how successful you actually are. Of course, we all want to “feel good,” that’s why we do anything, whether it be pursue a relationship, sex, or money- it makes us feel better.
However, sometimes you’re just going to be sad no matter what. In my case, it was due to mental trauma (doing a surgery w/no anesthesia in Thailand, culture shock, travel fatigue, and most importantly: heartbreak).
Also, I really under-estimated just how tough the surgery + heartbreak combined would be. The two is not a good combination at all!
Anyways, I’m starting to slowly feel better, but I’ve still got a ways to go with over-coming the heartbreak… and that’s alright.
Accepting the Flow
Part of all that I’ve learned is to accept the flow of life. Rather than hanging onto those perfect memories with my ex & life in Bulgaria, I’m accepting that it’s gone and will never come back.
I’m accepting the present moment, which isn’t particularly exciting, and having faith in the future.
Accepting the flow also involves allowing your emotions to flow freely. The paradox is that by moving into the pain, you actually free yourself of it… it’s just very painful, and you may cry, a lot!
One thing I’ve struggled with in the past few months is internet & game addiction. I wouldn’t say I’m 100% addicted, but I have noticed some symptoms of addiction starting to come up within me.
I used the internet to really help me get over my ex, by indulging in video games & browsing Reddit.
Now that I can accept the emotions and am learning to accept that sometimes that means randomly breaking down in emotional pain (true strength is giving into your emotions, not burying them!), I feel it is also time to cut my distraction habits of video games & Reddit.
It also just makes logical sense: I know that which fulfills me, and that is not video games or the internet.
Phases of Life
I’ve also learned that this is just a “phase,” like a cloud that’s passing. Another friend put it perfectly: “you are going through your Winter season.”
Now I’m slowly moving into my “Spring,” by slowly taking more action and actually feeling grown and better.
Also, like I mentioned earlier, all because I felt sad & depressed and in a fog for most of my “Winter season” that doesn’t mean it wasn’t productive. It just means that I moved at a lot slower rate and maybe didn’t enjoy things as much as I wanted to… the seeds were growing underneath the soil, if you will.
Sometimes you just have to go through a phase of life where you’re in a mental cloud, sad & crying constantly, an emotional mess, lonely, and depressed.
And when you accept that phase of your life, you can actually grow quite a bit. In suffering so much, here are some things which I’ve learned:
- Personality Theory. I’ve studied the MBTI & personality types extensively and learned A TON. As I wrote in another post, these aren’t stupid “astral signs” that say vague things about you. Your personality type is your set of 4 cognitive functions. Understanding your cognitive functions helps you understand your strengths & weaknesses. In my case, I learned a ton.
- Yoga! I’ve done SO MUCH yoga! I’ve always put it off for “later,” but I guess the sadness of my ex forced me into yoga. I did a 2 week free trial, got addicted, and have been doing it since. I can’t explain with words how awesome yoga is… you’ve just gotta do it.
- Business. I’ve learned a ton in business surprisingly, and also gained a ton of experience. It has been my best month in business EVER, which blows my mind… I’m not even that happy at the #’s to be honest! I know I’ll feel excited about it later.
- Finances. As with making more money, I’ve also been saving and being more $-conscious. I’ve also got the most in savings I’ve ever had in my entire life… It makes me feel secure & awesome.
- Habit-building. I’ve got an awesome morning routine (which is rather simple). I wake up, meditate, workout, then get straight to work. Sounds simple but it’s highly effective.
- And more! I’ve just learned a ton about myself. I feel stronger and believe in myself. I feel more grounded. I understand who I am and know what to do in certain situations.
There are more, but only so much I’m willing to share right now (:
Even Winter seasons provide tremendous growth opportunities, in fact the MOST, if you seize them…
And paradoxically you can’t get down on yourself for fucking up too. Believe me, I’ve felt like a huge fuck up recently, playing video games & derping on Reddit and struggling in other ways.
I’ve made my fair share of mistakes so I guess I’ve also learned self-love through all of this… no one can really be perfect.
Now that I’m finally coming out of my shell, I feel excited for various things in life.
To start, I’m getting a motorcycle training course & my official license. My injuries are STILL healing from my last motorcycle crash in Thailand almost 3 months ago. WOW!
Even though in those areas you can ride without a license totally fine (just carry $15 cash for the “fine” if you know what I mean), it feels better to have one. Also, when I travel back to Europe I won’t not be able to rent cars & motorcycles because I’ll actually have a license.
On March 13th I’ll be in Montreal, Canada until March 25th. Special shout out to an epic friend for letting me stay with him! <3
I’m super pumped for Montreal. The second time I was there I really connected with my friends even deeper, but I was really depressed and not taking a whole lot of positive action in life the last time I was there, so now I feel I’m going back to truly enjoy Montreal to the fullest!
My friend can read my mind, too. He suggested my #1 favorite Montreal restaurant for dinner on the 13th- Schwartz’s, the world-famous smoked meat deli! Wooohooo!
After March 25th I’ll be back in Phoenix, for a short while though..
Future Travel Plans
I haven’t decided on anything completely yet, but I suspect that my subconscious mind has already made up its mind… does that make sense?
For the longest time now I’ve wanted to immigrate to Bulgaria completely. There is a hefty cost associated with this, and a lot of work. The longer it has dragged on, the more hesitant I have become.
I’ve sat down and calculated out the remaining costs of immigration. I already KNOW everything I need to do, it’s just paying lawyers to do random stuff for me.
I HAVE the money to do it, but I’m hesitant… This is the most amount of money I’ve had in my life, actually. I’ve got a large tax bill coming up which part of it will go to, and I don’t wish to blow the remainder on immigration to Bulgaria.
In my “Winter season” I have been so much better with finances than before. It is now a top priority for me to KEEP my finances this way. I’m so sick and tired of the $ problems I had before, I refuse to put myself at any risk of it again.
As a result, I won’t follow through on immigration JUST yet. This leaves two options for after Montreal:
The first is to go to Bulgaria on a 3-month tourist visa. After that I could complete the immigration process completely, OR go to Asia.
The second is to return to travel/adventure Asia for a few months, THEN fly to Bulgaria for 3 months, THEN do the immigration process.
My subconscious mind I feel is leaning towards the second option. I know this because of my sudden decision to sign up for motorcycle training classes & get my official license. I wouldn’t need to invest time & money into that if I were going to Bulgaria… Consciously I haven’t made the choice, but perhaps this choice has already been made for me?
Returning to Asia
The reason returning to Asia is appealing is because I’ve never actually experienced it to the fullest- the last time I was in Thailand I had to get a horrible surgery & was so heartbroken. I was not in a good frame of mind! I wasn’t taking action to meet people even!
Now that I’m in a better vibe, I’m ready to explore & adventure again. Unlike last time, I’m coming prepared.
For example, I have a list of things to achieve/do in Asia before I can go. I know the culture shock will get me, as it always does, so I’m promising to stay for a minimum of 1-2 months before leaving. This will also give me time to achieve my original dreams.
Even as I was living in Montreal the first time almost 2 years ago, I wrote with excitement about traveling & living in Asia. No. More. Delays!
If I keep letting my mind find reasons to avoid it, valid or not, it will not get done. A friend I spoke to recently put it perfectly: “You need to live in Asia first, before Bulgaria, otherwise it will keep eating at you. You need to know.”
He said some other very smart things which I forgot. The point is that going to Asia has ALWAYS been in the back of my mind, but has been unexpressed. I just can’t wait any longer, and I can’t wait for the “perfect moment.”
I’m not even fully over my ex- I’m still pretty sad and have a ways to go, but now I know what to do to feel better.
At any rate, I intend on returning to & living in Bulgaria AFTER Asia, which will reduce some of the “holy shit I’m living here” feelings. If I love it so much, I will stay longer and do only a short stay in Bulgaria. If it sucks or is enjoying but I couldn’t live there, then of course I’ll return to Bulgaria.
Plans & Change
All that being said, “no plan survives first contact.” I know this better than anyone!
I’ve said I was going to Asia, only to end up in Europe. I’ve said I was going to live in Budapest, only to fall in love in Bulgaria. I’ve said I wanted to go to Thailand, only to end up in Cyprus.
Circumstances, feelings, and information is always changing- the right decision now is not necessarily the right decision 1 year from now, you feel?
So even as I write this, I feel it is so important to add this little disclaimer of “nothing is guaranteed after Montreal.” For all I know I’ll meet a multi-million dollar client who flies me out to Medellin, Colombia.
In this crazy travel-entrepreneur life, you never quite know what’s going to happen. Maybe I fall in love in Asia, never to return to Bulgaria again (probably not, I love ya’ll in Bulgaria!). Maybe I fall in love in Montreal with the first girl I meet there. Maybe I get invited to an Africa trip. You just don’t know!
It does feel good to have a “rough framework or plan for the future” though. I’ll be in Montreal, then Phoenix, then (most likely Bali) asia, then Bulgaria, then western Europe, and then Montreal & phoenix again and then Bulgaria this time with immigration status.
Want some money?
Of course, I’m still open to change… We don’t know what’ll happen. In fact, you should screenshot this now and message me in October of 2019 and ask me how this rough plan went.
If you do so, I will send you $10 USD via PayPal (or Venmo or whatever)- ONLY for the first 3 people to send me the screenshot though, so I guess put Oct 1, 2019 on your calendar! I’m curious to see how the future will line up from these future plans.
At any rate, I’m feeling more and more excited and like my original self.. my best self.
Now I feel confident in my ability to handle the storm, and whatever comes my way! Let’s see what adventures are waiting for me & us… (: