Category Archives: Deep Reads

How YOU Change The World Minute By Minute

Once upon a time I used to think, what is the meaning of all this?

It all felt so meaningless, disconnected. It didn’t matter what I did- the results of the presidential election would be the same, bombs would drop somewhere in the world, and no matter how hard you tried you can’t save everyone.

By contemporary definitions, it’s very hard to make an “impact” on the world.

How many names can you remember of people born before the year 1500?

The best most people could do is just tell of the religious figures, such as Jesus, Abraham, Buddha, etc. You might know of a few kings too.

In a mere 500 years, there is a 99.9% chance that you as an individual will be all but completely forgotten. Assuming we don’t nuke ourselves you’ll likely only exist in some government database.

My great-great [insert many more great] grandfather has a fascinating story. He was kidnapped and forced into the military, which is how he ended up in America.

Despite such an epic story, I can’t remember his name (it’s probably John though) and this story is all I know of him. I don’t remember his wife, children, preferences, or other impact on the world.

But in a way, Mr. Kidnapped-To-America John had a rather profound effect on the world.

Well, at least in my own life. Had he not lived the life that he did, I would not be here today.

While your name & individuality will likely be forgotten, your energy lives on… forever, through the lives of others.

I don’t mean to answer the question of what happens to you past death here. We are not touching that subject today.

What we are focusing on is exactly how you impact the entire world minute by minute, and why this matters.

You may be forgotten, but your impact will change the lives of humanity itself. You could be the tipping point from humanity’s destruction to the “heaven on Earth” described in religious text.

Energetic Impact: Your Signature on Humanity

How you treat your fellow human beings and what you do is what I will call an “energetic impact,” largely because there is no visible impact on humanity.

Most people focus on the physical. They built a company, landmark, kingdom, or got their name in a history book. The energetic is all the more important though, and as will be shown here means that a small peasant farmer has so much impact as to change the entire course of history.

When you treat someone a certain way, you create a ripple. You already know this intuitively.

Let’s say you walk into a coffee shop, and the person in front of you decides to pay for you. Feels great, right? Now you walk away with a smile, and spread the joy in some way.

Alternatively you may have a bad barista who insults you. You walk away angry, and then snap at your boss later because this is stuck in your mind.

Without even intending to do so a happy or angry barista can affect not just you but the people you come into contact with after the interaction with the barista!

An “energetic ripple” is created, much like a ripple in a pond.

At the center is the “trigger event.” When you drop a pebble in a pond, where it impacts the water is the trigger event. One meter away from the ripple is everyone that is affected, and then one meter away from that point is everyone else who is affected from those people that are affected.

Of course in a ripple the further away you get from the center the less powerful the initial trigger event becomes. You drop a pebble but the other side of the pond may not appear any different- but on a subtle level, it was affected.

Now imagine that some ripples are positive and some are negative. Pebbles are being dropped in the pond all the time. Some are larger than others. For example some acts are more kind than others, and other acts more violent than others.

This pond would be the pond of life, and it would be a turbulent pond for sure. Everything would be reacting to everything else- but because everything reacts to everything else, your small pebble impact can actually lead to a huge impact by another.

For example your “trigger event” could be a small act of kindness, which then inspires someone else to not commit an atrocity (such as a shooting) or inspires them to do something kind as well, which creates another positive trigger event, which hopefully continues going on!

Are We Subject To Only Reactions?

Okay, this is all cool. We now can visualize like positive or negative pebbles dropping into a pond how we affect the rest of humanity. But are we just stuck in reactive mode? What happens if someone drops a negative pebble right in your fucking face?

We all have that day where everything was going just perfect… until it wasn’t. You walk into the cafe with a smile on your face, prepared to tip. Then the barista insults you and spits in your drink, metaphorically speaking.

When you pull out of the lot a tired driver slams right into you. You get to work and your co-worker dipped out, doubling your work but not your pay. Your boss is pissed because he didn’t get laid, so he takes it out on you… Triple work time!

Even for a meditation master a situation such as this could be difficult to deal with. We all can relate to a situation similar in principle, in which everything was great until it wasn’t.

As kids I don’t think we realize just how reactive we are to everything else. I had some memories come up today of me saying some mean things to my brother, which hurt me so much to remember some tears came out despite being in a coffee shop.

As a child I endured some pretty terrible bullying, and sometimes my own parents were reactive to other things. For my child mind this set the reality that “this is normal.” It also filled me with a certain energy that I also spread- the pebbles from other people’s lives filled me with the same negative energy, but then I perpetuated this energy by hurting others too.

It was bad. One day during a screaming match I pulled out a knife on my brother. I never intended to hurt him (and never took a stab), I was just infuriated and angry and wanted him to shut up.

It didn’t feel like such a big deal to me because I had recently got trapped & attacked by over 20 kids outside school, and told that I should kill myself. My family didn’t know that I had tested putting things around my neck while alone at home.

My brother was innocent, as was I, and as were my enemies at the time. We were all kids reacting to someone else’s negative energy. Probably the kids that planned my attack were all treated terrible, and in a group mentality took it out on the weird kid- me. After experiencing such violence using a knife to control my brother didn’t seem like a big deal, but now I feel numb writing this. Damn.

The answer to the question is no. But there are two exceptions:

First, kids are reactive, period. Kids will always receive adult’s and other kids energies and then perpetuate it. Kids are not normally inherently violent- they learn it.

I’d say the only reason I didn’t go total psycho and do some bad things to my school was because of YouTube, where I could listen to people telling me that everything would be okay and that I can be whatever I want to be (more on that later).

Second, people need to remember that they can consciously choose what they want to be! Many people describe meditation or spiritual awakening as a “remembering,” and I would agree with that. I’m not enlightened (far from it), but good meditative experiences feel like remembering.

Sometimes all it takes is someone to say “you can choose your own reality.” Entire books have been written on the subject. Sometimes people need visual proof.

Everyone inherently knows that they can direct their own ship (yourself), but that doesn’t make it easy. The energies of others will always affect you, no matter how thick of skin you claim to have.

Choosing Which Pebbles to Toss

If you read this now, you have no more excuses- you can choose which pebbles to toss back into the pond of life: positive or negative.

It’s not easy. But it’s possible. Something I’ve personally learned is that energy can be transmitted positively or negatively- this is the basis of true alchemy.

Violent rage can be converted into a passion for working out. I often jog faster than everyone at the park, channeling out that old hate inside of me. Every month the jogs feel slightly more peaceful, as good energy replaces the old hate.

Sadness & guilt can be converted to compassion & inspiration. Why do you think I’m writing this now? I feel devastated at my actions back then. Maybe leaving a note to the world will make things right.

We can’t always choose what comes our way, but as energetic processing machines we can choose how to process it. Again, it’s not easy. But it’s possible.

Convert your rage into a healthy passion for working out & making money ethically. Convert your guilt into inspiration for change. Convert your depression into compassion.

The beautiful thing about tossing positive pebbles is that the energy always seems to come back to you a bit more than you give, allowing you to give even more!

For a great book on converting energy pick up “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V.” It’s a very hard book to understand but explains more strategies for converting emotions such as annoyance to pleasure, etc. so that you don’t toss negative pebbles into the pond of life.

Not only will your life improve, but all of humanity will improve with you!

Also check out “The Power of Now” book as this is a more meditative practice towards tossing positive pebbles. When you become present to the moment, you allow the past negative pebbles to go so you can stay fresh to the beauty of now.

The Universe Listens

And if you’re really struggling, as I did, turn yourself over to something more powerful. For some reason belief just works.

Every time I call out to the Universe or God, it answers. I don’t know whether it’s the God Jesus spoke of, or Buddha, or something deeper than all of that, but something is there.

I make exactly the amount of money I asked to make. I affirmed & visualized the process over and over, and here I am making exactly that doing exactly what I wanted to do.

I’d like to say it was all me, but if I’m being completely honest there was something else working with me to help me out.

Recently I was feeling lonely because all my best friends left Chiang Mai, and so I asked the Universe to introduce me to some new, deeper connections & friends to laugh a lot with.

The past 3 days have been an endless party, filled with social events & new, deep connections.

The 12-Steps program is highly centered around belief in God (or a higher power) as well. For some reason, it just works. Give up control and figure out what “up there” wants.

I was lucky as kid that I also often resolved to give myself to the higher power because I simply couldn’t handle how fucked up what I was going through was. Now here I am, world traveler, financially great, and having all the girls I could want- it wasn’t me, something helped me…

Compassion for the Bad Pebbles

What often helps with letting go of bad pebbles affecting you is becoming compassionate to those who toss them. They typically are in a reaction mode, and not even aware of what they’re doing.

One level to compassion is to care for those that already care for you, but a true, deep compassion involves understanding & loving your enemies, loving the criminals, loving the lost.

I am not particularly identified with being Christian, so do forgive me for quoting this from the Bible if you aren’t also Christian, but there is indeed some ancient wisdom in this Bible quote:

Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34)

For context, this happened during Jesus’s Crucifixion. He was essentially saying to God that those who were killing him should be forgiven for they are not even aware of what they are doing.

This has always stuck with me for no other reason than it is true of all “sin” or “evil.” Most people commit crimes only when they feel desperate or like there is no other way, or “in the heat of the moment.” They get so angry they pull out a knife, unconscious to their actions.

Or they get stuck in such a derp state that killing someone feels normal. People lose touch with their human side and commit terrible atrocities.

To most people murder sounds so bad, but we must remember that those who kill typically were treated so bad growing up they are simply perpetuating the bad energy they originally received!

That doesn’t make it right. Let’s make that clear.

All that is being said here is that even though crimes are not right, we must understand their origin. These people received so many “bad pebbles” they only know how to toss them back into life.

They have forgotten they have the power to choose good pebbles, that to their right sits an unlimited pile of good pebbles to share with themselves and the world..

6 Degrees of Separation From Everyone

Let’s introduce some science into this post as talking about energy & old Bible quotes can put some people off.

The 6 degrees of separation idea is that everyone is 6 acquaintances away from each other. It sounds crazy but is scientifically backed up.

The rough idea is that everyone knows an average of 45 people who could get a hold of them if needed. I know for myself this number is significantly greater- in the hundreds- but that balances out the extreme introverts who have maybe only 15-20 people who could get a hold of them.

45 to the 6th power is 8.3 billion- greater than the population of Earth. You can research this more for the scientific backing, but it’s highly likely this is for the most part true barring a few odd exceptions.

If you commit an act of kindness, a great one, and change just a few people’s lives, then they will be all the better off and thus the people they are surrounded by will likely be just a bit better off too.

This is more easily visualized with violence unfortunately, but let’s try stay positive on what good we can do rather than what bad.

Let’s say that you ethically become financially independent, and can help a few friends out here or there. First off by generating wealth ethically, it means you were giving value and participating in transactions that valued the other party- but that gets too complicated.

After that let’s say you help out a few friends in need and commit a few acts of great kindness.

Let’s also say that you invest in your own happiness & self-care, such as by getting massages, practicing yoga, meditating, and developing hobbies.

Not only are you funding people’s businesses and providing them with lifestyles, but you are taking care of your own peace allowing yourself to be kinder to all those you come into contact with.

When someone is angry, you smile at them. When someone is happy, you smile at them. Even if you aren’t rich, you can actively give “good pebbles” to the pond of life in so many other ways, just be being compassionate, kind, and happy (or at least not hurting others)!

Well because you’re able to give good energy or help others out financially, you allow them to be lifted up which allows them to lift up others in their lives.

For example you help out a friend with their rent, and there’s no need to pay you back. Suddenly that friend doesn’t need to take resources or demand help from their friends!

Now they’re also happier, safer, etc. which allows them to get on their feet, and when they’re back on their feet they are able to be happier and give good energy to those around them!

Wealth aside, you can give value in so many ways to people. Don’t get stuck on the money example. It’s just a point I wanted to make because many people have bad money views.

You can smile and ask “how are you doing” to people. You can not let negative pebbles affect you, and instead keeping tossing the positive ones (this allows the negative pebbles to disappear, much like how a ripple in a pond can’t affect a bridge).

You can leave small tips- one dollar is enough to make someone’s day. You can give someone a hug in need. You can listen to a sad friend.

There’s so much you can do- now let’s see how it all comes together.

Your Impact on Humanity

We are all connected, for the most part, by 6 degrees of separation. Your positive actions (and lack of negative actions) have the ability to send good energy through your close group, which will affect their close groups, so on and so forth.

The effect by the end is indeed minimal. Your great act of kindness may do little to change someone’s life on the other side of the world- but I think it still gets around.

I believe that at least a tiny bit of energy will reach everyone based on each action you do. It is of course so minimal, but it’s still there!

Your positive action changes the actions of others, which changes their actions, so on and so forth so much so that you may, without even knowing it, but the catalyst for great change here on planet Earth.

Your name will be forgotten one day. But your impact here lives on through other people!

How Will You Change the World?

You don’t need to do or be anything big. In fact, it is the millions of nobody’s that create the day-to-day energy of the world.

You already are connected to everyone by 6 degrees of separation. The pond of life wasn’t so great as you once thought it to be.

If you live in such a way that shares positive pebbles in this pond, then you will surely inspire others to realize they too can toss in these positive pebbles.

It doesn’t take too much thinking to realize just how significant this is. Your life by the minute shapes the entire world ever so slightly!

You can save lives. You can prevent terrorism. You can bring abundance to this world.

It isn’t done in a great act, but instead your life minute by minute. Your smile, your respect, your compassion, your good energy is what changes everything.

A life once originally believed to be devoid of meaning is now something deeply purposeful just by the act of living & flowing.

Follow your purpose, be happy for yourself, generate wealth because in becoming ethically full yourself you lift up the world.

You need not do anything big; just toss a few positive pebbles in the pond and watch the world repeat this action until one day… We find heaven on Earth.

-Michael

An End To Adventure?

After 1 month in Chiang Mai, I realized just how deeply happy I was with it.

Edit: this draft was not reviewed & published to my Email list a bit late.

Chaing Mai is beautiful, has mountains, nature, waterfalls, extremely cheap (yet luxurious) accommodation, delicious food, and so much more.

It’s not all perfect- Bangkok for example is much better for dating, and Sofia, Bulgaria cools down quite a bit.

Leaving a destination is always the true test to how much I liked it or didn’t. Do I wish to return, or am I happy to leave?

In Vietnam I was so excited to leave that I got to the airport extra early- I missed Thailand, and Vietnam was a bit too chaotic for my tastes (as in they literally don’t stop for you at cross-walks and have to endanger your life to cross the road).

I spent 4 days in Vietnam, and now almost a week in Bangkok. I feel torn as what to do next, as often I do while traveling.

With the whole world at my fingertips, it’s hard to make a decision! But recently I’ve observed that my choices are becoming more and more narrow.

For example 2 years ago when I just started I researched the endless destinations and even created a post on my blog about all the places I wanted to go and things I wanted to do.

It included dozens of countries and wild adventures that would no doubt create memories for life.

However, I’ve noticed that there’s a “yin and yang” to life. You can adventure and be crazy, but you also need familiarity, comfort, etc.

One psychologist (I forgot whom) said there were 6 basic psychological needs of humans. One was familiarity, and then the one right after was spontaneity.

On one hand you need routine, comfort, and familiarity. But on the other hand you need some stimulation and newness. A dash of uncertainty makes for some excitement!

That’s where this post begins. It’s a bit wrong to say “an end to adventure” because of course adventure will not end.

I’d probably really enjoy staying in one city for 1 year, but no doubt by the end of it I might again be writing up a list of endless destinations that I would now know I can’t possibly complete within even a reasonable time period.

A better way of saying this would be “a temporary end to adventure.” Let’s dive into this.

2 Years of Adventure

I can’t believe I am writing this. It’s still fresh in my mind marveling at those individuals who claimed to have traveled to a dozen countries, speak 3 languages, and make money online.

There was just something about it that drew me in. Now I’m in, and have been, and what I’m discovering is that this is not the one-way trip that I thought it would be.

Every nomad ends their journey. I’ve wrote about this before, when I was mentally snapping in Thailand last year (but that was more-so due to heart-break, surgery, and isolation).

In the past 2 years I’ve actually visited 14 or 15 countries- which means I’m excluding unintentional layovers.

I’ve learned to speak some French, a few phrases in Dutch, Finnish, and Hungarian, some basic Bulgarian, and some Thai. My German has been slightly improved. There’s probably some others in there.

This fact is even more shocking- I’ve “lived” (which in my book means spending 1 month minimum in the country) in Phoenix; Montreal, Canada; Heidelberg (debatable as it was broken up), Germany; Sofia, Bulgaria; Pafos, Cyprus; Chiang Mai, Thailand; Canggu, Bali. This is 6 or 7 countries, depending on how you count it!

I don’t know what I expected would happen after I did all of this to be honest. I looked up to those who had accomplished such feats, as if something would change.

Alas, everywhere you go, there you are. I am still just me, at the end of the day. I’ve “done” so much but nothing really changed. At the same time, I’ve changed completely & grown so much.

Does that make sense? If you’ve aggressively pursued any goal you can probably understand me.

Travel Fatigue

Now let’s be completely, brutally honest. I was hardly happy during all of this traveling.

There have been some exceptional moments, such as falling madly in love, hooking up in Thailand, riding a motorbike, surfing, and those unforgettable nights with friends.

The growth itself is beautiful and amazing also. Simply looking back onto my days in Montreal for example, I see that technically I wasn’t in the best state (financially, physically, emotionally), but I was growing so much and so I look back on those days fondly.

But there comes a point that every new country is.. well, as they say in Thailand: same same.

By the time I entered my most recent “new” country- Vietnam- I was hardly impressed. I walked down the famous party street excited, but I had context for it- it was like KhaoSan, in Bangkok.

The temples, bridges, rivers, nature, etc. all fade into the same thing. Yeah, it’s beautiful, and profound, but you can have too much of it and become numb to it all.

You still experience culture shock, but in a different way. It’s almost annoying and you’re getting severely diminishing returns from your efforts.

Think of it like this: the difference between $1 and $10 is a lot, but the difference between 10 million and 25 million not so much in terms of lifestyle change.

With an extra $9- from starting at $1- you can suddenly afford significantly better food and even restaurant food.

When you’ve already got 10 million to enjoy on life, an extra 15 million, while substantially greater than the $9 improvement in the other, will not drastically improve the individual’s life.

The same is true about travel. It becomes fatiguing. You start having other needs, and prioritizing other things that the destinations.

For example, I wrote that I wanted to visit a water-park, Chiang Rai, get a tattoo, or visit Pai while staying in Chiang Mai. I did none of that and give 0 fucks about doing it. Another fucking temple or experience hardly turns me on.

In hindsight, this created a lot of troubles for me and my ex when we were visiting some European countries together. All I wanted to do was work in a cafe, while she wanted to go to museums.

My brain could literally not handle any new stimulation, so I desperately wished to return to the same restaurants & cafes over and over. Only now can I see why we had clashes.

The same thing that brought you pleasure can bring you pain. There is a balance to everything.

The problem comes when you associate the activity with pleasure it’s easy to lose perspective which is that it may not be pleasing you anymore… but because it brought you pleasure then, it’s easy to keep up the activity (see: every addiction).

Constantly packing bags, saying goodbye, adopting to new languages & culture customs, searching for drinkable water, restaurants, etc. seriously begins to consume a ton of energy.

With other commitments such as work, relationships, and personal enjoyment time, it becomes near impossible to fulfill everything while on the road.

It simply gets to be “too much.” I am writing this now in Bangkok, and I really want to love this city.

In fact, tonight was absolutely fun. I enjoyed going out. It was great, but I am realizing that I can’t handle it… now.

A Narrowing of Travel Destinations

About 6 months ago I snapped from heart-break, isolation, and travel fatigue. I was unintentionally traveling at an absurd pace, I think an average of one new country every 2 weeks.

I didn’t even want to do that, but things were just getting fucked up and I wasn’t taking responsibility for my life.

I thought I wanted to move to Portland or Vegas, but I quickly realized upon returning to Phoenix that this was a form of escapism. I began to catch my grounding in Phoenix, and then I was planning on going back to Bulgaria.

But in my heart I really wanted to experience things in Bali & Thailand. I figured I’d knock out some goals there, then go.

Even in Phoenix then, my destination list was looking more like “Montreal, Sofia, Bali, and Thailand” compared to that ridiculous list of dozens of countries to visit.

Compare that to when I was down to go anywhere, intended on doing this and that and everything, etc. 2 years ago before I had set off!!

As I’ve traveled, the destinations list has shrunk so much. Other things have became priorities, and I’ve observed my own energetic limits with travel.

Right now in Bangkok I literally have 2 options: Chiang Mai or Sofia. I’ll probably do Chiang Mai 1 more month, then Sofia for 3 months. Then I’ve already decided I’ll return to Thailand to live for about 4 months.

Of course, that’s a rough, un-set plan. Things change. They probably will. But compare this to back when I was using “Google Flights Explore” to view every bloody country I could visit.

I was recently invited to Holland with free accommodation and cheap food, but turned it down.

I just can’t, anymore. Well, at least for the time being. I need to slow down.

A Plan For The Future

My plan for at least until the end of the year is to only visit destinations that I’ve previously visited and have a social circle, or ONLY visit a new place if it’s with friends and in the context of a vacation.

Work is such a priority now. So is fitness, social circle, and dating. After taking several girls home in Bangkok (not necessarily hooking up with them all), I’m really desiring something a bit more stable.

It’s really fascinating to see how I’ve changed like this. I thought I’d never settle like this, yet here I am, kind of nearing the end of the line.

I can intuitively see the future. Starting now I will only visit familiar destinations- specifically Chiang Mai, Sofia, Bali (maybe), Montreal, and Phoenix.

My travel is slowing down. I’ll begin to spend more and more time in each place. 1 month in Chiang Mai, and who knows maybe I’ll be tempted into another month.

Then Bulgaria, for 3 months. Then back to Thailand (Chiang Mai).

The only exception to this is Bangkok- I’ve got 2 week’s experience in Bangkok, and I told myself I’d give here a try for a month or two once I’m making more money and re-grounded.

There’s also one other exception, but it can be wrote about if it comes about.

Probably what will happen is I’ll spend considerably more time in Bulgaria & Chiang Mai, and I’ll split my time between the two or end up wishing to immigrate to Bulgaria or Chiang Mai.

Then that’ll happen, and I’ll start to really slow down my traveling.

Who knows, maybe it won’t happen like this. I still want to check out South America for example, but that could be years down the line rather than months.

Adaptation Cost

Why is this happening? The biggest reason digital nomads and perpetual travelers start to slow down then “quit” traveling is the adaptation cost of every new destination.

The only ones who have successfully managed long-term travel is with consistent returning to favorite destinations with stable social bases, OR having a partner or community to travel with.

At best the adaptation period is about a week to a new city, if you’re planning on staying & working remotely.

While often pleasurable, significant energy is lost learning customs, finding restaurants, places to work, etc.

The simple act of discovering new roads is taxing on the brain. It becomes near-impossible, sometimes impossible to do other tasks when you have to adapt to a new place.

For example I haven’t done yoga since leaving Phoenix, despite being in yoga hot-spot Bali!

I was too busy with adventure, adaptation, and work and socializing that I while I did have the time I didn’t have the mental bandwidth to wish to invest in a yoga practice or find a teacher.

When you go back to places that are familiar, there is no adaptation cost, except to a small extent.

Every time I’ve gone back to Montreal for example has been a breeze- I know the city, metro, have friends, know restaurants, and cafes.

Same for Sofia, Bulgaria. I’d argue that I enjoyed Chiang Mai so much for the simple fact I was here last year, even if I didn’t enjoy it so much then. It is familiar now, I know where to go, and for that I required almost 0 energy with adapting myself to here.

There is a small cultural adaptation cost even if destinations are familiar. This can be painful and leave you crying in a car, feeling so misunderstood and out of a place (true story from me one time when I returned to America after years abroad and realized I had changed so much).

One reason I’m hesitant to go to Bulgaria now is that I realize I’ve culturally adapted to Southeast Asia and Thailand specifically. Certain habits, such as a slight bow, big smile, etc. would make me appear high and insane to Bulgarians.

Going from Thailand to USA to Bulgaria is better because USA isn’t as respectful as Thailand, and Bulgaria isn’t as respectful as USA (in terms of service & social customs). Going directly from Bulgaria to Thailand or vice versa is a more sudden, drastic, difficult change.

Things Always Change

Maybe I’ll get bored of staying in Chiang Mai or Sofia. In fact, it’s likely that’ll happen.

So that’s why I clarified earlier that this is a temporary “ending of adventure.”

That being said I do prefer the title “an end to adventure” because the past 2 years have been chaos, but now things will likely never be as chaotic again for the simple fact that I don’t want it to be chaotic.

2 Beautiful Years of Adventure (slowing down)

Looking back I can’t believe all of the experiences I’ve had. What the fuck?

It wasn’t long ago that I was a nobody from Nebraska, not respected by anybody. Now here I am, a “world traveler,” finally what I wanted to be, and living dreams I never could’ve imagined.

Look, I’m not trying to hype it up. It’s not like I’m high all the time. It becomes normal.

The point is just that looking back there’s a certain satisfaction for that it was done.

From what I know there are a couple different types of happiness, and one is growth-based. If you have grown a lot or achieved something difficult, you will always derive fulfillment from that.

I feel that way about this. Today is where I am consciously realizing my own needs and evening out from what was a chaotic, beautiful journey.

I wasn’t necessarily happy all the time. The whole 9 months fiasco that began in Cyprus and ended in Phoenix (with like 10 countries in between) was not a light period.

But I came out of the darkness. That’s what’s fulfilling. I learned, grew, and reset my own priorities.

I’m very grateful for that all of this was experienced! Like I said earlier, it’s not necessarily the end to adventure. Perhaps after re-grounding I’ll wish to do 3 months in Costa Rica, then Colombia, etc.

Just right now my priorities are about familiarity and comfort. Enjoy deep friendships and deeper relationships with women.

I really can’t believe it’s been 2 fucking years. Wow.

A New Beginning

It’s not an end- a new beginning. The chaotic, uncontrolled travel is coming to a close.

Now it’s more about focusing on business, enjoying a great social life, and developing other hobbies.

Travel is still without a doubt on the table- but not every power is meant to be used to its fullest capability. I can be anywhere anytime, but should I be? I think not.

Now it’s about cultivating relationships in those places that I love- Phoenix, Montreal, Sofia, and Chiang Mai. And when I’m ready, I’ll check out Bangkok more.

It seems everyone who also has traveled long-term has felt these things and gone through a similar path.

At first it’s crazy, exciting etc. and you love it. But then you find a home, or a group of people you really resonate with. Or you straight up fall in love.

Then you start to slow down, enjoy those places that are familiar, and focus more on fulfillment and social life.

After this the individual has one or two main bases, or settles down completely.

What Other Paths of Mastery Await?

A closing thought before this post is over. I do wonder, what other growth challenges does life offer?

In life you can become an expert athlete, develop a hobby or passion, contribute massive value, grow a business, and so much more.

Most people don’t commit to mastery and truly grow. So they stagnate and live life in a derp state.

One of the beautiful things about this travel experience is that it prevented me from derping.

I had to be massively awake and focused to do this. I’ve grown so much and learned about who I am and what I want so much so that being fulfilled is much easier.

So now I wonder: what other paths of mastery await? If I commit to business mastery, will I receive similar epiphanies and shocking growth?

At any rate, doing something bold or challenging seems to be one of the keys to fulfillment in life.

This is something no one can take credit for but me. I planed piano for over a decade, but my parents forced me to do that (and then I later did it out of habit). Piano is not a true accomplishment in my books. This is.

In the end everything changes- you start out in yin, then shift to yang, and then balance..

First, to desperately wish to travel like crazy, then, to do. Then, to find a happy medium, a true fulfillment.

Maybe the same with every path of mastery..

Done (:

-Michael

Escaping Disaster & Becoming Completely Free

War has no victors. Innocent people die on both sides who wanted nothing to do with the conflict- all for what? What can WE do to protect ourselves?

Note: this is an un-edited draft from Vietnam that I was too lazy to review.

In the past weekend I’ve been based out of Saigon / Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. It’s a hectic, fast-paced city with insane traffic. Crossing the road is like playing frogger in real life, as you dodge cars and motorbikes.

I’ve explored the Cu Chi Tunnels used by the Vietcong, as well as the War Remnants Museum and thus learned a lot about the Vietnam War, or as it’s said here “The American War in Vietnam.”

It need not be said that the Vietnam war was completely fucked up, and for the most part- pointless. USA should not have been involved in such silly conflicts so far from home.

In fact, the USA probably just made matters worse! The American public also didn’t want to be so involved- but some fat men in Congress decided otherwise.

It wasn’t even 100 years ago that the horrors of the Second World War began and ended.

You’d think that people would’ve learned to be just a bit more compassionate to others and not be so evil, but that was not the case.

“Agent Orange” is one of the deadliest and most fucked up chemicals ever created by mankind, and used to kill countless innocent Vietnamese civilians like insects.

The chemical was so dangerous and fucked up that even innocent American soldiers (and soldiers from other countries) unknowingly brought some of it back to USA and caused massive deformities in their children!

It wasn’t even 50 years ago that the Vietnam War (or American War in Vietnam) ended.

Have we changed so much so fast, to not be so evil anymore? I’d like to hope so- or at least think that we’re moving fast enough in a positive direction that innocent civilians may never again experience such horrors again.

In the book Power vs. Force the author talks about Energy Dynamics, and “levels of consciousness.” Humanity’s “level of consciousness” is rising, so we may never experience such a grand conflict again.

But we can’t yet be so certain.

Flag Theory

As I walked through the War Remnants museum, I remember reading about something called “Flag Theory.” More than ever it was sounding like a fantastic idea that I had to initiate ASAP.

The short version of it is to spread apart your assets & home bases such so that if one nation falls you can safely escape to another.

For example, I might have a bank in Europe, and a back in America. If Europe starts WWIII, then I can safely retreat with enough assets to America. If WWIII begins in America, then I can safely retreat to Europe.

Of course the hope is that you never have to do such a thing. We are living in the most peaceful time in human history and the trend is looking very positive. We may never see WWIII, but we can’t yet be certain.

The whole point of Flag Theory is to have the ability to mobilize and escape any disaster as quickly and safely as possible because you can only take responsibility for yourself.

Taking Responsibility

Recently I’ve loved the word “responsibility” because of what it implies. When you take responsibility, you can’t take excuses.

Everything in your life is inherently your responsibility. While some things may not be your fault, they still might cause a situation that you have to deal with- thus being your responsibility to deal with them.

Something I’ve learned in life recently is that you can only take responsibility for yourself in life, and no one else.

Guilt vampires often try to make people take responsibility for them or other people. They may look at other people who are suffering and say, “wow you should feel bad for where you’re at,” or imply that you need to expend your time & resources to help them because you have it better.

We must not confuse empathy or compassion with guilt-tripping, or shame, which is taking responsibility over another human’s situation. We can help people without guilt or shame, but instead empathy and compassion.

That being said, it’s not your responsibility to help other people. The best thing you can do in life is take care of yourself.

An Unstable World

For me as an American man to get my documents, I had to sign up for the War Draft. Some fat men in congress can arbitrarily declare war on another country and then force me beyond my will to go into the military.

The only other option would be to flee the USA, and then comes the risk of being banned from the USA or facing prison time if I’d ever like to return!

Most males in most countries have to sign up for a draft, and in many countries still to this day every male is forced into military service beyond their will. When I lived for 5 weeks in Cyprus, I had no friends 18-20. They were all in the military. All my friends 21+ had served 2 years in the military, regardless of whether or not they wanted to.

The Vietnam War is a huge reminder of just how fucked up this is as well as how fucked up any government is. There was a conflict on the other side of the world, and so the government decided to send young, clueless boys on a vague mission with no clear goal as to what to achieve in Vietnam.

Is it such a surprise that these boys came back jaded, with PTSD, having committed terrible war crimes? War has no victors…

Besides war-related instability, there is also economic instability, as well as instability in climate and weather. For example I have a memory once of growing up as a little kid in Nebraska crying worried that the coming tornado would kill us all.

Sadly, such fears are not silly as tornadoes do kill, destroy houses, etc. Recently there was terrible flooding in my home state of Nebraska, destroying several homes, displacing people, and even killing some!

The whole point of “Flag Theory” is to protect yourself from such things. Ultimately, you need to take responsibility for your own life and move to a place which is as stable as can be, and spread your assets (or skills) in such a way that you’ll be fine no matter what happens.

War & Peace

Even if you are not one of the unlucky who have to sign up for a military draft beyond their will, war can still affect you.

American soldiers committed many atrocities towards innocent civilians in Vietnam. They were just normal people going about their day to day life when some soldiers came in and decided to start shooting them, or torture, or whatever.

Did they deserve it? No. Was it right? No. All we can do now is take it as a reminder to be prepared to escape situations and not get so attached to a particular country or city.

What is a Country?

A country is a vague term, but all it is in fact (and we all intuitively know this) is a large collection of people within a defined boundary of land.

One of my favorite books ever called “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V” describes countries (and other groups of people) as “pendulums.”

Essentially what the author talks about is how energetically speaking things such as movements and governments take on a life on their own, but they seek to serve their own purpose rather than the purpose of the individual.

It’s kind of hard to explain, so I highly recommend reading the book because it will help you out.

The problem with many “pendulums” is that people give themselves to it when it gives nothing else in return. The author describes serving a pendulum as like “a moth attracted to the flame.”

As heroic as we name it to be a soldier in a war, what really- as an individual human being- do you receive from such an experience?

You get PTSD, risk your life, potentially die, get permanent injuries, kill people, do horrifying things, so as an individual it’s hardly worth it.

In fact, when you look at the world in terms of individuals rather than groups and names it becomes very hard to de-humanize one person. It also suddenly makes more sense how war can become so vicious.

We are all just people trying to be happy and do our best. It’s when we get too attached to a group ideology that things become problematic (the group ideology becomes an “energetic pendulum” that takes on a life of its own, another example being riots or mobs).

If one bad thing happens to an individual, maybe that individual’s brother gets angry, and so he lashes out against the other group. But then this creates a chain cycle whereby one misunderstanding can escalate pretty heavily into full-blown war where people are treated no better than insects!

Suddenly the Americans are mad because the Vietcong created some crazy traps to kill them, and so then the Americans go crazy and start shooting anything that moves, furthering enraging the Vietcong.

When I say “Americans” or “Vietcong” keep in mind that there are individuals that make up the group, but because they are identified with the group they lose the ability to recognize the wrong they do and see the humanity in the other.

It’s a lot easier to kill a “VC” or “GI” than it is to kill Bob Jones, born on June 28 in Kentucky.

Caught in the Cross-Fire

This is where the problem comes: people can very quickly get sucked into an “energetic pendulum” by it passing by them or by being negatively affected in some way (ie. losing a family member).

For example many innocent civilians died in many wars- they simply were in the wrong place at the wrong time and an “angry pendulum” came in and killed them.

Of course, it was individuals that did this, but they were fueled by a group. People in groups become dangerous because when they lose their sense of individuality they lose their sense of morality, and thus can commit horrible atrocities.

Again, I highly, highly recommend reading “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V” to get a better idea of this. The author is extremely intelligent and has put a good deal of work into studying these “energetic dynamics,” which is a fancy way of saying human behavior at large.

Escaping Disaster & Becoming Free

The reason I’m writing this is because what I learned in viewing these things and learning about the war absolutely horrifies me, and it serves as fuel for me to take responsibility in my life and be as free as possible.

Large energetic structures (Pendulums) such as governments will do what they do. Take responsibility for yourself, but not for your government. A few fat men sitting in big offices can decide randomly they wish to start a war. That doesn’t mean you need to get caught in it.

If the USA decides to try force me beyond my will into some stupid fucking war (that the American public is against, such as the Vietnam war) I want to be so free and capable that I don’t have to sacrifice myself for some bullshit.

If the USA is invaded, or Sofia, Bulgaria, or anywhere I’d like to remain out of the conflict and continue living my best life anywhere in the world. Don’t you?

One huge thing I’ve learned recently also is that you can’t reason with people that are crazy. I learned this especially last night when I went on a date with probably the most psycho bitch I ever went out with.

I’ve never disappeared on a girl during a date, but this chick was so crazy and I was so uncomfortable I took the moment while in a crowd to get lost and disappear without a proper goodbye.

I had tried talking some sense into her while we were together, but I realized (and then remembered) that trying such things do not work.

She was a psycho bitch, and no amount of logical reasoning would work with her.

If you read Power vs. force, you’ll learn that people can basically only understand what’s at their “energetic level.” Someone in victim mentality mode views everything in the world like that, and someone with abundance mentality sees everything as abundant.

If a war ever occurs, or some other conflict, it’s important you do the one thing that you can: take responsibility for yourself!

The same is true of financial freedom, relationships/dating, social life, happiness, safety, and so much more. No excuses, just take care of yourself and avoid unnecessary conflict.

As I write this, I do pray that we don’t ever experience a World War III or something like this.

But that being said you’d think that people would’ve learned after World War II, but then people went on to create Agent Orange and join a conflict in Vietnam for no reason (I am referring to the American government).

It doesn’t matter that the American public was against involvement- the fat few who had power, like the evil scum they are, sent innocent boys to Vietnam to turn them into monsters who would commit evil against the innocent villagers in Vietnam.

We Are Just Individuals

Whether you are the American or you live in Vietnam, it doesn’t matter. We are human beings that are individuals with goals, dreams, a desire for happiness and love, and all that stuff.

So take care of yourself. Take responsibility. Don’t get caught in the hooks of the governments who would so easily discard your life without care.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that your life will be easy or fair or that everything good will happen. As we discussed, the government could decide to try send me to war via the draft or some other unpredictable event can happen.

All it means is that you don’t make excuses and you make the necessary course-corrections so that you can find fulfillment and meaning in your own life.

The atrocities of yesterday must be converted into fuel for the desire to escape disaster and become completely free of the instability of others and the world!

Done.

-Michael

It’s Okay To Have Good Memories With Them

When I was in Bali, I often found myself tortured by circling thoughts surrounding my ex and previous relationship.

I found it hard to imagine how such boundaries could be crossed… And what made me act in the strange ways that I did?

Love is a powerful drug, and as I’ve learned it doesn’t necessarily bring out the best in you.

Sure, it can make you stronger, happier, healthier, and give you a newfound passion and purpose for living. It can be exactly what you need.

But it can also bring out your possessive side, the needy side, the manipulative and controlling side.

If everyone is being completely honest no one is close to perfect. We all act a bit strange while under the influence of the most powerful drug on Earth.

Even if your actions are kind, you still likely have some problem. It could be that you’re idealizing your partner, or perhaps you’re being a bit too okay with certain boundaries being crossed.

As powerful as that love is, it isn’t always meant to last in this lifetime- if at all.

There’s probably not much more painful than a break up. It can go on for days, weeks, months, years… It just hurts. And you don’t know how to fix it.

It’s such a mind-fuck. It’s like you’re mourning someone but they’re still alive. It’s such a challenge, and one of the hardest things to overcome.

Idealizing the past is not good because that is not the true situation. The truth is it wasn’t all sunshine n’ rainbows.

You can’t hate them though because hate keeps them in your heart and prevents you from moving on.

You can try to focus on their downsides as reasons for moving on, but that doesn’t help much either.

You can delude yourself into thinking things would be better in the future, when really you two would just fall back into the same dynamic.

Honestly I don’t think a certain part of the brain will ever understand a break up. Can it?

One day you wake up and it doesn’t hurt so bad. You feel a bit happy and grateful for everything you have.

And there’s not anything special that you did, it’s just that you feel better.

Sure things like making deep friends, getting a life purpose, working hard, working out, and just letting yourself cry help- a ton.

There’s also the side of recovery which is just “giving it time.” Feeling it out. Going into darkness, so you can be reminded what light is.

One of the biggest mind-fucks of a break up is the contrast between the good and bad times.

If you focus on the good times, you idealize your past partner, ignoring that your boundaries were crossed and that you probably have some self-development work also.

If you focus on the bad times, as a method of telling yourself “this is why we need to move on,” then you just grow resentful and the pain stays all that much more longer.

One of those most important epiphanies I had when I first came to Thailand was that..

It’s Okay To Have Good Memories With Them.

And it’s okay to let those good memories sit there. Don’t indulge in them, but they don’t need to be destroyed or forgotten.

I think I was trying a bit too hard to forget everything. I couldn’t comprehend that her darkness existed next to her brightness.

Since that day I’ve felt a ton better. It’s like a wave of acceptance and peace washed over me.

Some days I still hurt and have a few tears to let loose, but I’m doing so much better. When a positive memory surfaces, I can just let it be there and then let it go back into the countless list of great memories I have.

I think I got this epiphany thinking of other girls I had a short thing with, or even girls that I had hung out with here.

There is one very attractive girl I hooked up with recently for example, and even though that was a one-night thing there’s no need to purge this memory all because it won’t continue forever into the future.

The memory can sit there, and I can just be grateful for the experience that I had.

While the dynamics in my past relationship weren’t perfect- we definitely bordered on co-dependence- there were some damn good memories and she was there and vice versa sometimes.

I found this brought about a new wave of gratitude for her, and peace. Not gratitude in a needy way desperately wishing to go back, but just gratitude that it happened.

We were meant to be in those moments of time. We weren’t mature enough or ready or perhaps even meant to be forever… and that’s okay.

Now when I feel the pain, I try to ask myself what other lesson I need to learn. Sometimes I learn about how I should’ve set better boundaries, or walked away sooner.

But there are also lessons of the mistakes that I made. The pain forces you to improve and grow. It is fuel for a better you.

The past is the past, and all because there is pain for a love that didn’t last forever doesn’t mean the good memories need to be purged too.

All because they weren’t there when you needed them in the end doesn’t mean that they weren’t there for you before- because they were. Just something changed, maybe your fault, maybe not, but it did, so change and improve with it.

With every experience in life we can “get better, or get bitter.” Change forces you to move up or down. Reflecting on my life there’s never been a moment that I haven’t been moving up or down.

So let the good memories rest where they may, and keep on moving up. Better awaits.

I’ll add too that this applies not just to past romantic partners but everyone- friends, family, everyone & everything.

As I “adult” I learn that not everyone is who I thought they were. The past begins to make more sense with certain people as I learn things that… shock me.

We all have a darkness inside of us, no point in denying that. That doesn’t mean the light needs to be purged because that too is the truth. There are two truths in everyone.

Let the good memories be, and let them go as you create new ones.

-Michael.

Follow The Signs

For some time now I haven’t been able to decide whether I should stay in Southeast Asia longer, or travel back “home” to Bulgaria.

The decision has always been 50/50 in my mind, but rather than worrying (like I would’ve a couple years ago), I decided to relax and wait for a sign or for my subconscious mind to sort the problem out.

Occasionally I would journal about it, or ask my brain to sort it out as I slept. Science has proven that almost all decisions we make are subconscious anyways- our conscious brain only understands so much of what’s going on.

And so I waited. I focused on enjoying life, and relaxing until the answer came to me clearly.

One day (yesterday) I felt a sudden intuitive feeling to go to a particular sushi restaurant and bring my journal. I was really enjoying what I was doing, but I decided to follow the feeling.

I began to eat delicious sushi and journal about this or that. I looked up at the TV screen, and there was some volleyball game playing.

It appeared Thailand was playing some other country. When the camera zoomed in on one of the female players of the opposing team, I thought it was strange just how closely they resembled the Bulgarians.

That’s when I realized the team code was BUL. They were all dressed in green.

In disbelief, I squinted my eyes to see clearly what was happening on this tiny screen.

Thailand was playing Bulgaria in an intense game of volleyball, and it was completely tied!

As if this game mimicked the struggles of my mind, there was no apparent winner! Thailand was playing Bulgaria in an intense match of volleyball!

Both Thailand & Bulgaria had won a round, and in this third round they were tied 8-8. The first time to reach 25 by a margin of 2 points would win the next round.

To my shocking disbelief, it seemed that a very apparent sign had came to me. I never thought that any “sign” or “omen” would come so glaringly obvious.

In fact, I began to journal some more in utter disbelief. What are the fucking odds that for a couple weeks you can’t decide whether to stay in Thailand longer, or to travel back to Bulgaria, and then you see a game of volleyball on TV in which Bulgaria plays Thailand- and it is completely tied?!?

At first I didn’t think much of it, until after a few minutes I realized they were still tied, just now 12-12. There was not going to be a clear winner.

Every time one team got a point, the other would quickly follow it up and tie it. This was exactly like my mind- on some hours I thought it better to return to Sofia, and on others I longed for more time in Southeast Asia before returning to Bulgaria.

The game quickly engulfed my entire attention. Never before had I watched the TV so intently, or enjoyed a sport so much.

Was this… a sign? I couldn’t help but wonder if this was the Universe giving me some guiding light.

It sounds absolutely absurd to base my decision of whether to stay in Thailand or go back to Bulgaria on the results of a volleyball game, but again… what are the odds?

And why is it that so often in my life I am getting these strange synchronicity moments that appear to be guiding me down a particular path???

The game raged on, and it remained primarily a tie, until finally Thailand got 2 points ahead and won this round. By the way, you only win a round if it’s by a margin of 2 points so this is literally the most intense round won possible.

During the fourth round I had an intuitive feeling- Thailand was going to win.

I even posted it on my Instagram story along with a picture of the game to show that I was making this strange prediction far in advance, when it couldn’t be accurately decided yet who would win.

It was almost as if my subconscious mind decided it would rather stay in Thailand longer before returning to Bulgaria, and so influenced the results of that fourth round. I know this sounds absurd- they won because Thailand was performing better, but was this really a coincidence?

The fourth round was equally intense, and because I had subconsciously made my own mind to remain in Thailand, I cheered for Thailand instead of Bulgaria. If Bulgaria won this round, a final & long fifth round would be played, which I did not want to sit around for as I had been sitting for so long already!

Once again Thailand won by an extremely tight margin of 2 points. Thailand won.

It was decided. I would stay in Thailand another month, either by extending my visa or by taking a visa run to a nearby country.

Sometimes I think it’s crazy to write about stories like this, and as I told this story to acquaintances people agreed that it was crazy but I don’t think anyone really grasped the significance of such a coincidence.

Having observed these moments of synchronicity in my own life over and over, it becomes all the more enchanting when they happen.

All of the spiritual teachers & books talk about following omens, following your heart, and not rushing to make decisions that the subconscious mind can solve. Yet when it actually happens to you, it’s so hard to believe. I can’t even believe I’m writing this, and I expect people to think I’m crazy and not to believe this story!

Alas, it is true, and I don’t need anyone to believe it because it happened to me. It also was posted all over my Instagram story, if you’re curious.

It seems that, at least for my life, there are indeed signs guiding me towards a particular path!

Whether somehow I “transurfed” into a reality in which Thailand won, by subconsciously deciding I would stay, or it was simply a validating sign from the Universe that I should remain here, one thing is certain is that this was no accident.

Here on this blog I have countless stories of strange synchronicity and guiding signs, sometimes I feel like I’m in my own strange book.

Most of my life is not so mystical, but these strange, mystical events do happen, and when they do they never cease to amaze me!

I am staying in Thailand for another month. Call it crazy, but the Universe (or whatever) could not have made it clearer that I should remain here.

For some weeks I struggled with this question, and then so clearly watched a game of volleyball of Thailand vs. Bulgaria. And not just that, the game was tied, intense, and close, just like the decision in my mind.

You must surely have signs in your own life, but you’ll see them only if you are open to them!

I called to something for help on making this decision and by some strange power help came.

I’m certain that the same could happen to you, if you open up and follow the signs or listen to your heart. That’s when the magic happens, and when we are reminded that there really is something weird going on here on planet Earth.

Follow the signs, they’re taking you somewhere for a reason…

-Michael