Category Archives: Finding Fulfillment

A Newfound Peace & Joy

It’s been a while since I’ve published a proper post- and this is all with good reason.

I’ve been focused on other things recently, or just enjoying life. You see, I’ve realized there’s a huge difference between “talking” and “walking.”

Recently in my life it’s been more about actually doing things rather than talking about them.

Granted I know that my writing can help inspire & uplift others as well as provide practical tips, but my preference as of recent has been to just enjoy my own flow and not focus so much on the blog.

I’ve actually attempted to write some articles, but not had the drive to sustain finishing them.

It’s not that I lack motivation- it’s that priorities have shifted. In some instances I’ve wrote an entire blog post, only not to send it at all.

As of now I have maybe 3-5 articles that I need to send out which I’ll schedule for the next few days in just a minute after writing this.

So, what’s been up? Besides my feedback request on my new website, I’ve been for the most part dark for the past 2-4 weeks.

Chiang Mai: A New Home?

A couple weeks ago I left Chiang Mai after a month here. I went to Vietnam for 4 days, and was so exhausted and ready to go back to Thailand after that experience.

I was then in Bangkok for a week. I wanted to try it out for a week and then decide whether to stay longer or leave.

It was fun, but very over-stimulating. I am discovering my own personal preferences for where I would enjoy living.

Bangkok is great if you just want to hook-up & party, but man the commutes are really annoying and it doesn’t seem to have any peace.

Chiang Mai, Thailand and Sofia, Bulgaria- despite being completely different- share some commonalities which I now understand as my preference for a city to live, at least for this period of my life.

Both are medium-sized cities that have fast commutes, lots of nature, yet at the same time good parties & social life. It’s more of a balanced life, compared to Bangkok which would be a crazy party life or a small city which would be too boring for me.

Sometimes it feels like something is missing. I’m still finding my deeper connections here.

I miss my friends in Bulgaria and in Phoenix (and everywhere else like Montreal, etc.) but recently have begun making deeper connections.

One problem with Chiang Mai is that many people come and go. In my first month my two best guy friends left. I’ve now made more of an effort to cut out transients, and only focus on people that live here, will often return here, or whom I could otherwise meet elsewhere.

A few deeper connections is much more fulfilling than many small connections!

Chiang Mai has been surprisingly fulfilling overall though, and what I really love is the great work-life balance.

It’s got the kind of vibe where you want to hustle & get work done in the morning & afternoon, but in the evening it’s almost demanded that you do something to relax and be happy, such as get a massage, hangout at a waterfall, or jog around the park.

Chiang Mai is also quite affordable. Every dollar I save is a dollar I can re-invest into my development or business!

That’s actually one of the many reasons I’m hesitant to go back to Bulgaria- Bulgaria isn’t that much more expensive but the cost of flying there and living will increase expenses by at least $500 per month.

And that’s $500 per month I can put into ads if I stay here.

Of course life isn’t all about money. I learned that the hard way last year when I did my wisdom teeth surgery without painkillers, anesthesia, or even laughing gas to save money… Sometimes the spend is worth it.

That being said I find myself really integrating into Thai culture and developing habits that I know will not serve me in Bulgaria.

For example, I am super smiley here- people said I smiled a lot in Bulgaria, but now I’m very smiley. It’s just Thai culture! Bulgarians would see this behavior and think that I am a fraud, high, or crazy.

It’s not good or bad. It’s just different. But I know that there will be a re-adaptation period to Bulgaria which I am not so excited for.

I can’t remember if I published that post or not, but I recently decided that for the rest of the year I will not travel anywhere new unless it’s with friends and explicitly a vacation.

Traveling to new places costs a lot of energy- energy which could be used to workout, relax, or service a client.

Also, there’s just no point. In the past 2 years I’ve been to 14 or 15 countries or something like that.. It’s crazy. But I’ve had enough, for now.

Yes, there’s still so much I wish to do. But why? After so much instability, I am ready for some stability.

Long-Term Goals

Finally I have some longer-term goals for my life, which feels great. I’ve got a rough idea of how I want my fitness, dating life, social life, and life as a whole to look like in the next 2 years.

The main goal I have now is by June 1st, 2020 to have a primary home base where I spend at least 6 months per year.

For the next year I will probably only be in Phoenix, Montreal, Sofia, and Chiang Mai. There are of course the exceptions mentioned, such as visiting friends in Bali or having a layover in London or something like that.

Trust me it sounds like a dream to travel like crazy & indefinitely, but it only feels that way within the context of what you already have. Eventually all sights look the same, all parties are the same, etc.. Depth is key. Priorities change.

Right now the likely candidates for a home base are Phoenix, Sofia, or Chiang Mai.

If I live in Chiang Mai I will have to leave every year around February for a couple months because of a season called “smokey season.” The farmers burn their fields and the air quality becomes the worst of all cities in the entire world!

If I live in Phoenix, I will have to likely sign a 1-year lease for an apartment or house. This will greatly reduce my desire to travel especially as America is the most expensive place.

I don’t yet see myself living in Phoenix, but I do confess it’s a possibility. I had a ton of fun in my last month in Phoenix because my friends were so much better.

If I live in Bulgaria, I will have to do a complex, complicated, and expensive immigration process to get residency there.

So overall I’ve no idea exactly what the plan is. Right now I’m taking things one step at a time and going with the flow.

At the very least I have my “main 4 bases” which I can circulate between.

Healing, Habits, & Progress

Because I’ve been in Chiang Mai for long now I’ve been able to develop healthy habits, healing, and routines that promote progress in my life.

For example last month I re-started my arms & abs routine to grow my arms & abs. It fucking sucks but I love it. I’ve always wanted bigger arms.

I actually hooked up with a girl yesterday that randomly gave me a lot of dating advice. She basically said I was in the clear for everything but I’d be “perfect” with bigger arms.

That I can’t deny, it’s something I’ve known for some time and I am excited to see those results.

Already with what little growth my arms have made I’ve noticed a huge difference in dating & social life. Yesterday I partied and 2 different guys came up to me asking if I was someone famous (I can’t remember this dude’s Instagram).

Even I had to admit he looked a lot like me, except the fit, muscular version. It’s funny: first I re-start my arms routine, a month later I hook up with a super sexy girl who motivates me to get bigger arms, and then later that day 2 guys come up to me asking if I’m someone famous, who just so happens to look almost exactly like me except with big arm muscles.

Such synchronicity seems to be the Universe’s way of saying “this is what you will look like in 1 year if you stay committed.”

Around 4 months ago I was in a dark space. I was back in Phoenix, reverse-culture shocked from too long outside America, and not doing success habits or progressing in life in anyway.

Perhaps it was a necessary darkness. Who knows. One way or another I am finally progressing in business, fitness, and dating in the way which I’ve always wanted to.

Fulfillment in the Flow

And that’s why I feel peace & fulfillment here. I’m not everywhere where I want to be- but I’m authentically living life how I’ve always wanted to, and that’s what feels amazing.

I am saving money all while making moves in every direction in my life. I’m doing everything I always wanted to do.

Recently it just hit me that I, in a way, “made it” and it was a deeply emotional moment. I’m not successful and rich or ultra-good with girls, but I’m at the next level I always wanted to be at.

Less is More

I’m probably writing another post on this. With progress comes excess that needs to be cut out.

Example: I recently put forth a huge initiative to improve my dating life. Within weeks I was seeing an average of 2 new girls per day. I was even mixing up who was who!

I had charmed so many girls some even wanted to fly out from other places in Thailand to see me. Just yesterday I remembered that one girl was flying out to see me this weekend, but I am paying off her tickets because I’m so exhausted with so many girls.

First world problems, I know. I never could’ve imagined a reality in which I am actively cutting out girls who are quality because I don’t want to deal with all of them.

But it happens. It seems there are “layers to life” (more on this later). Most people idealize success, but with success comes a new set of problems. Granted they are much better problems, but still situations to deal with nonetheless.

Anyways, my point here is that I’ve re-evaluated my priorities and realized I was spending too much time dating around when I could’ve been using that time to work on fitness, business, or hell even some alone time.

Tomorrow I plan to have an “alone day,” which again I never could’ve imagined desperately needing. I always wanted more people, more girls, more friends, yet now I am so done with all that and need a day to just “be.”

I guess what I’ve learned most in this is that priorities change. When you haven’t had a wild dating & hook-up lifestyle, you crave it more than anything else.

Then you finally get it, and priorities shift yet again. Now I rather go deep with one girl, and hook up only here or there with others.

As if the call had been answered, I met a really cool, deeper girl with whom I really enjoy spending time with.. I’ve since cut out most other girls that I’ve seen so that I can prioritize time with her.

I’ve realized that with many things in life less is more. It’s not about doing more- it’s about doing less so that you can do more. You only have 24 hours a day, after all.

Instead of writing down “I want to do more XYZ,” I am writing down .that I want less of dating around now so that I can do more business and have more alone time.

I know some of what I am writing can sound silly. I sure feel that way. As a kid I never could’ve imagined having this dating & hook-up life. It is amazing and I truly feel grateful for it.

But then you realize you are dating too much and would rather be alone. Or have some guy friends you can just chill with. Or even one deeper, special girl.

The Flow of Life

It’s the flow of life. There is no endpoint in life- isn’t that what is so beautiful? At any given moment you don’t have to be successful by other’s standards.

As long as you are working towards your goal and winning each day, you win. That’s what is so beautiful!

We don’t have to be successful now. We just have to make progress. THAT is success.

Priorities change and as long as you stay authentic to your new desires you win.

Southeast Asia has taught me that great lesson. There is no arriving anywhere. Are you living authentically now? If so, you win.

Layers of Life

Life is like an onion- there are many layers to peel back. Sometimes you have to achieve a goal to realize it’s not what fulfills you most.

Then you can re-adjust and find balance. I always wanted to hook up with many girls and have that crazy fun lifestyle. It’s still a ton of fun, but now I am easing up on that goal and focusing more instead on business.

I am finding that in discovering this “flow of life” and achieving goals I am also finding more deep, meaningful goals.

Instead of me saying “how can I get laid” or saying “how can I make money” it’s more about “how can I give mutual value to the world?”

It’s a lot more fulfilling to set a goal of helping others and then making money as a result of it than to make money just for money.

I find that focusing on this brings a passion to my life. The best part of my day is when I get to my favorite coffee shop to work.

Me writing this now, and then soon to study a book after, this is the best part of my day because I am living most authentically and on my purpose.

Misc Thoughts

I also love Chiang Mai because the service quality is exceptional.

For example, I am writing this in my favorite coffee shop. I’m always greeted with a warm smile and a big thank you when I leave. The baristas all remember my order exactly- so I just hand them money and sit down.

As soon as I walk in, they bring me the largest glass of ice water possible. In fact they begin preparing the water as soon as they see me before I enter the coffee shop so that I can sit & drink immediately. When I work and focus, I often drink a lot of water. They sneak by and refill my ice-water without me even realizing so that I don’t have to get up and refill it myself.

This doesn’t happen in Bulgaria or even America!!! People are all about giving here so I feel genuinely happy to leave tips and learn Thai, which just seems to continue this cycle of giving and good energy.

People at the park I jog at often wave or smile at me. They compliment my Thai or running speed. Other runners exchange “thumbs up” with me.

Fun games are also often played at the park, and people are quick to invite you if they see you are observing them. I have always been too exhausted or too tight on time to join, but perhaps one day I will randomly join.

I feel greatly welcomed into the culture here, more so than anywhere else. Everyone actively invites you into their groups and fun, it’s amazing.

I feel so grateful to be here. Every month I decide to stay just a bit longer. Who knows what will happen in the future, but for now, I am here, so I live here.

4 months ago I was in darkness, but now I am in light, for no other reason than I’ve rediscovered my own authentic drive and am actively making moves. It’s the progress that brings fulfillment more than anything else.

What are you progressing on? Let me know by hitting “reply,” I love hearing (:

Thanks,

-Michael

Escaping Disaster & Becoming Completely Free

War has no victors. Innocent people die on both sides who wanted nothing to do with the conflict- all for what? What can WE do to protect ourselves?

Note: this is an un-edited draft from Vietnam that I was too lazy to review.

In the past weekend I’ve been based out of Saigon / Ho Chi Minh City in Vietnam. It’s a hectic, fast-paced city with insane traffic. Crossing the road is like playing frogger in real life, as you dodge cars and motorbikes.

I’ve explored the Cu Chi Tunnels used by the Vietcong, as well as the War Remnants Museum and thus learned a lot about the Vietnam War, or as it’s said here “The American War in Vietnam.”

It need not be said that the Vietnam war was completely fucked up, and for the most part- pointless. USA should not have been involved in such silly conflicts so far from home.

In fact, the USA probably just made matters worse! The American public also didn’t want to be so involved- but some fat men in Congress decided otherwise.

It wasn’t even 100 years ago that the horrors of the Second World War began and ended.

You’d think that people would’ve learned to be just a bit more compassionate to others and not be so evil, but that was not the case.

“Agent Orange” is one of the deadliest and most fucked up chemicals ever created by mankind, and used to kill countless innocent Vietnamese civilians like insects.

The chemical was so dangerous and fucked up that even innocent American soldiers (and soldiers from other countries) unknowingly brought some of it back to USA and caused massive deformities in their children!

It wasn’t even 50 years ago that the Vietnam War (or American War in Vietnam) ended.

Have we changed so much so fast, to not be so evil anymore? I’d like to hope so- or at least think that we’re moving fast enough in a positive direction that innocent civilians may never again experience such horrors again.

In the book Power vs. Force the author talks about Energy Dynamics, and “levels of consciousness.” Humanity’s “level of consciousness” is rising, so we may never experience such a grand conflict again.

But we can’t yet be so certain.

Flag Theory

As I walked through the War Remnants museum, I remember reading about something called “Flag Theory.” More than ever it was sounding like a fantastic idea that I had to initiate ASAP.

The short version of it is to spread apart your assets & home bases such so that if one nation falls you can safely escape to another.

For example, I might have a bank in Europe, and a back in America. If Europe starts WWIII, then I can safely retreat with enough assets to America. If WWIII begins in America, then I can safely retreat to Europe.

Of course the hope is that you never have to do such a thing. We are living in the most peaceful time in human history and the trend is looking very positive. We may never see WWIII, but we can’t yet be certain.

The whole point of Flag Theory is to have the ability to mobilize and escape any disaster as quickly and safely as possible because you can only take responsibility for yourself.

Taking Responsibility

Recently I’ve loved the word “responsibility” because of what it implies. When you take responsibility, you can’t take excuses.

Everything in your life is inherently your responsibility. While some things may not be your fault, they still might cause a situation that you have to deal with- thus being your responsibility to deal with them.

Something I’ve learned in life recently is that you can only take responsibility for yourself in life, and no one else.

Guilt vampires often try to make people take responsibility for them or other people. They may look at other people who are suffering and say, “wow you should feel bad for where you’re at,” or imply that you need to expend your time & resources to help them because you have it better.

We must not confuse empathy or compassion with guilt-tripping, or shame, which is taking responsibility over another human’s situation. We can help people without guilt or shame, but instead empathy and compassion.

That being said, it’s not your responsibility to help other people. The best thing you can do in life is take care of yourself.

An Unstable World

For me as an American man to get my documents, I had to sign up for the War Draft. Some fat men in congress can arbitrarily declare war on another country and then force me beyond my will to go into the military.

The only other option would be to flee the USA, and then comes the risk of being banned from the USA or facing prison time if I’d ever like to return!

Most males in most countries have to sign up for a draft, and in many countries still to this day every male is forced into military service beyond their will. When I lived for 5 weeks in Cyprus, I had no friends 18-20. They were all in the military. All my friends 21+ had served 2 years in the military, regardless of whether or not they wanted to.

The Vietnam War is a huge reminder of just how fucked up this is as well as how fucked up any government is. There was a conflict on the other side of the world, and so the government decided to send young, clueless boys on a vague mission with no clear goal as to what to achieve in Vietnam.

Is it such a surprise that these boys came back jaded, with PTSD, having committed terrible war crimes? War has no victors…

Besides war-related instability, there is also economic instability, as well as instability in climate and weather. For example I have a memory once of growing up as a little kid in Nebraska crying worried that the coming tornado would kill us all.

Sadly, such fears are not silly as tornadoes do kill, destroy houses, etc. Recently there was terrible flooding in my home state of Nebraska, destroying several homes, displacing people, and even killing some!

The whole point of “Flag Theory” is to protect yourself from such things. Ultimately, you need to take responsibility for your own life and move to a place which is as stable as can be, and spread your assets (or skills) in such a way that you’ll be fine no matter what happens.

War & Peace

Even if you are not one of the unlucky who have to sign up for a military draft beyond their will, war can still affect you.

American soldiers committed many atrocities towards innocent civilians in Vietnam. They were just normal people going about their day to day life when some soldiers came in and decided to start shooting them, or torture, or whatever.

Did they deserve it? No. Was it right? No. All we can do now is take it as a reminder to be prepared to escape situations and not get so attached to a particular country or city.

What is a Country?

A country is a vague term, but all it is in fact (and we all intuitively know this) is a large collection of people within a defined boundary of land.

One of my favorite books ever called “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V” describes countries (and other groups of people) as “pendulums.”

Essentially what the author talks about is how energetically speaking things such as movements and governments take on a life on their own, but they seek to serve their own purpose rather than the purpose of the individual.

It’s kind of hard to explain, so I highly recommend reading the book because it will help you out.

The problem with many “pendulums” is that people give themselves to it when it gives nothing else in return. The author describes serving a pendulum as like “a moth attracted to the flame.”

As heroic as we name it to be a soldier in a war, what really- as an individual human being- do you receive from such an experience?

You get PTSD, risk your life, potentially die, get permanent injuries, kill people, do horrifying things, so as an individual it’s hardly worth it.

In fact, when you look at the world in terms of individuals rather than groups and names it becomes very hard to de-humanize one person. It also suddenly makes more sense how war can become so vicious.

We are all just people trying to be happy and do our best. It’s when we get too attached to a group ideology that things become problematic (the group ideology becomes an “energetic pendulum” that takes on a life of its own, another example being riots or mobs).

If one bad thing happens to an individual, maybe that individual’s brother gets angry, and so he lashes out against the other group. But then this creates a chain cycle whereby one misunderstanding can escalate pretty heavily into full-blown war where people are treated no better than insects!

Suddenly the Americans are mad because the Vietcong created some crazy traps to kill them, and so then the Americans go crazy and start shooting anything that moves, furthering enraging the Vietcong.

When I say “Americans” or “Vietcong” keep in mind that there are individuals that make up the group, but because they are identified with the group they lose the ability to recognize the wrong they do and see the humanity in the other.

It’s a lot easier to kill a “VC” or “GI” than it is to kill Bob Jones, born on June 28 in Kentucky.

Caught in the Cross-Fire

This is where the problem comes: people can very quickly get sucked into an “energetic pendulum” by it passing by them or by being negatively affected in some way (ie. losing a family member).

For example many innocent civilians died in many wars- they simply were in the wrong place at the wrong time and an “angry pendulum” came in and killed them.

Of course, it was individuals that did this, but they were fueled by a group. People in groups become dangerous because when they lose their sense of individuality they lose their sense of morality, and thus can commit horrible atrocities.

Again, I highly, highly recommend reading “Reality Transurfing Steps I-V” to get a better idea of this. The author is extremely intelligent and has put a good deal of work into studying these “energetic dynamics,” which is a fancy way of saying human behavior at large.

Escaping Disaster & Becoming Free

The reason I’m writing this is because what I learned in viewing these things and learning about the war absolutely horrifies me, and it serves as fuel for me to take responsibility in my life and be as free as possible.

Large energetic structures (Pendulums) such as governments will do what they do. Take responsibility for yourself, but not for your government. A few fat men sitting in big offices can decide randomly they wish to start a war. That doesn’t mean you need to get caught in it.

If the USA decides to try force me beyond my will into some stupid fucking war (that the American public is against, such as the Vietnam war) I want to be so free and capable that I don’t have to sacrifice myself for some bullshit.

If the USA is invaded, or Sofia, Bulgaria, or anywhere I’d like to remain out of the conflict and continue living my best life anywhere in the world. Don’t you?

One huge thing I’ve learned recently also is that you can’t reason with people that are crazy. I learned this especially last night when I went on a date with probably the most psycho bitch I ever went out with.

I’ve never disappeared on a girl during a date, but this chick was so crazy and I was so uncomfortable I took the moment while in a crowd to get lost and disappear without a proper goodbye.

I had tried talking some sense into her while we were together, but I realized (and then remembered) that trying such things do not work.

She was a psycho bitch, and no amount of logical reasoning would work with her.

If you read Power vs. force, you’ll learn that people can basically only understand what’s at their “energetic level.” Someone in victim mentality mode views everything in the world like that, and someone with abundance mentality sees everything as abundant.

If a war ever occurs, or some other conflict, it’s important you do the one thing that you can: take responsibility for yourself!

The same is true of financial freedom, relationships/dating, social life, happiness, safety, and so much more. No excuses, just take care of yourself and avoid unnecessary conflict.

As I write this, I do pray that we don’t ever experience a World War III or something like this.

But that being said you’d think that people would’ve learned after World War II, but then people went on to create Agent Orange and join a conflict in Vietnam for no reason (I am referring to the American government).

It doesn’t matter that the American public was against involvement- the fat few who had power, like the evil scum they are, sent innocent boys to Vietnam to turn them into monsters who would commit evil against the innocent villagers in Vietnam.

We Are Just Individuals

Whether you are the American or you live in Vietnam, it doesn’t matter. We are human beings that are individuals with goals, dreams, a desire for happiness and love, and all that stuff.

So take care of yourself. Take responsibility. Don’t get caught in the hooks of the governments who would so easily discard your life without care.

Taking responsibility doesn’t mean that your life will be easy or fair or that everything good will happen. As we discussed, the government could decide to try send me to war via the draft or some other unpredictable event can happen.

All it means is that you don’t make excuses and you make the necessary course-corrections so that you can find fulfillment and meaning in your own life.

The atrocities of yesterday must be converted into fuel for the desire to escape disaster and become completely free of the instability of others and the world!

Done.

-Michael

Everything is Just Hype

Today I was working, when I had to pass through Reddit to post on a client account.

By default my personal account was signed in. I was kind of entering flow, so I hesitated to press “Enter” on Reddit, knowing that I very well could lose my flow if I had notifications.

Thankfully, I didn’t. But the second danger caught my eye: /r/AskReddit.

Ask Reddit is a subreddit where fascinating questions are often asked, and the stories/replies by the users are equally epic. Sometimes it’s triggering questions such as about people who accidentally killed someone, and other times purely fascinating & feel-good content.

One way or another, while Instagram or Facebook might be your vice, Reddit is mine.

Recently I’ve been avoiding it and feeling all the better because of it. Today though, I had to pass through Reddit because now I am growing a Reddit account for a client.

Anyways, a /r/AskReddit post caught my eye. It was tempting to click the post and read, but I didn’t wish to disrupt my flow.

Suddenly an insight hit me: every fucking day there is something fascinating and interesting on this Reddit website. I don’t need to click through this post because if I’m truly curious I’ll remember it later, and if later I wish to consciously browse Reddit, then there will always be something waiting for me!

I began to reflect: this is true of YouTube, Reddit, social media, everything. As I write this the entirety of the entertainment industry stands by, ready to entertain me when I’m ready.

It is designed to be addictive by nature. It is designed to please us. And why would we browse Reddit if it weren’t pleasing immediately, or do whatever other vice you have?

The thing is, I just had a huge epiphany which led to the writing of this post: everything is hype.

I don’t need to click that Reddit post because in reality there is no urgency. It will wait for me for when I finish work, if I truly desire to read it.

Already I’ve forgotten what the post is. Now that I try to recall, I can vaguely remember some of the words, but funny enough I don’t actually remember the entirety of the post title.

Do you remember what Facebook posts you saw yesterday, which YouTube videos you wasted time on, or which posts you liked on Instagram?

Probably not.

Now that doesn’t mean we have to cut these things out completely, I’m just saying that you’re not going to remember a large portion of your life so you minus well do things that fulfill you long-term.

For example, I am still reaping the benefits of the hard work I did years ago to learn digital marketing! I’ve had my main job for about 2 years now, and there is no end in sight.

That’s 2 years of world travel, income, and location freedom because I decided to put in the work to get a client over 2 years ago.

The work that I did years ago is still affecting me today! And the work you have done years ago is still impacting you, if not through the habits you’ve developed that affect you day by day.

Again, I’m not saying you should cut out YouTube or Reddit or something completely. Enjoy your life by all means.

All I’m saying is that so much of this entertainment is pure hype. It’s all too easy to let your mind get hooked by these things, as if there is some sense of urgency- but there will always be new content awaiting you.

You likely won’t even remember what you “lost” when you decide to brush Reddit aside for the hour, or YouTube, or Instagram, just like you wouldn’t remember what you “gained” had you done it.

But you WILL feel the ramifications of working out, improving a relationship, or growing a business!

The hype of the world is luring and addicting. It is endless. The entirety of the world stands by, ready to please you. Countless video games, movies, TV shows, social media posts, videos, and blogs await your attention and money.

It can wait though… And it will, if you have the courage to set it down and work towards what you want.

-Michael

Accidentally Drugging Myself

When I first arrived in Chiang Mai, I had a bit of a dilemma: I couldn’t sleep.

One of the nights in my first week was spent pulling an all-nighter for reasons that I couldn’t fathom. I was just filled with all kinds of thoughts and emotions.

Realizing I wouldn’t sleep, I left at about 4 AM to jog around the barren streets of Chiang Mai (and walk around) and try release some emotions for almost 2 hours!

On several other nights I faced this issue: I couldn’t sleep, I was too excited, I was thinking about this or that. I felt genuinely grateful and excited to be in Chiang Mai. But why was I so hyped that I couldn’t even get some rest?

On nights that I could kind of sleep, I had another problem: I’d often wake up at multiple times in the night.

Despite feeling tired, it just seemed that sleep was impossible for me. Why?

Maybe it was that I was too stressed, traveling and having all kinds of issues. Maybe it’s that I missed Bulgaria. Maybe I was still so upset about my ex, and had some deep emotions that needed to be released.

Perhaps there was a big thing in my life that was missing, something that was attempting to call out to me each night but didn’t shout out.

Perhaps I needed to relax more, and should get massages before bed. Perhaps I should self-pleasure until I forced myself into a post-orgasm slumber.

Nothing. Fucking. Worked.

The deep-seated emotional issues that were keeping me up at night surely must be big, or perhaps I really must learn to calm down from the excitement of Thailand!

Or maybe was it that I was just so inspired working on my new business project that I couldn’t sleep? I often spent these restless nights thinking of how excited I was for my business.

On one sleepless night I had just gotten a client a never-before-heard-of result which meant I was providing massive value to the client. It was only natural to wish to carry on!

Nope, nope, nope, and nope. I was drugging myself- on accident.

Last Monday, I began to have another restless night. I was too excited about meeting girls, doing business, living in Chiang Mai, and maybe a bit upset still of my ex.

Then it hit me. I immediately went to Google.

“How much caffeine is in Thai Tea?”

Oh shit. It turns out there’s a ton of caffeine in Thai Tea which I was all too often drinking too late in the day. On Monday night I probably had 150mg-200mg of caffeine in my system, all ingested past about 9PM.

I love cafes, and I love Thai tea, but as silly as it sounds I was not aware of just how caffeine-packed it was.

And so often I would work later in the day, fueled by passion for my business, sipping on a Thai tea getting even more hyped without even realizing it.

In Chiang Mai I had also suffered from another problem: a persistent, negative thought saying something like “you’re stupid” and other insults. I couldn’t figure out why this was randomly coming out now of all times.

This thought no doubt has to do with some inner insecurity of being “dumb” or “stupid” or “not good enough,” but triggering thoughts typically also only come out when you are massively sleep deprived.

When it all clicked Tuesday too early in the morning, I realized that I was accidentally drugging myself with caffeine causing what I thought to be some deep emotional problems… when really I was just filling myself with caffeine too late in the day to sleep well!

I also was not drinking any coffee, so I didn’t think that I was having any caffeine at all. In your typical shot of espresso you have 200mg of coffee, whereas a Thai Tea could have 25-90mg of caffeine.

So when I drink coffee, I feel the caffeine because more is ingested at a single point of time. The problem with the Thai Tea I was drinking is that I would have one here or there, and the caffeine was little enough to assume that my slight increase in excitement (if any at all) was natural.

Another example of this would be micro-dosing LSD for example. This isn’t something I’ve experimented with, but users report this: basically you take so little LSD that you don’t even notice anything in the moment, but there are still extremely subtle effects which make you slightly more alert, energized, creative, and happy throughout the day.

I was effectively drugging myself just a bit but not enough to be consciously noticeable over a period of time such so that I could not sleep. The sleep deprivation was also causing inner insecurities and negative thoughts to come out, such as the fear of being stupid (and the egoic self-attack of calling me stupid).

Perhaps in a way my actions weren’t so wise- a part of me deep down knew that the tea was drugging me, but I just wasn’t seeming to figure it out. So the thoughts, while definitely part of a deeper insecurity that I am consciously releasing whenever I have a negative thought, were also triggered by me quite literally lacking the awareness to take care of myself!

On Tuesday I proceeded to drink a delicious cafe latte (with no sugar!) and met an amazing girl that I spent the whole day with. When I got home, I passed out, naturally.

Since then I’ve been avoiding any caffeine-related drink past about 2PM and it’s been working wonders for me!

I’ve slept less long, slept the whole night, fallen asleep faster, oh it’s just so amazing to be sleeping normally again.

This got me thinking: in which other areas of my life am I, or you, fucking up in without even having the awareness to realize it?

The thing is, so many people across the world suffer from problems that are so easily preventable but we lack the awareness to fix it.

For example, sugar has been proven to reduce focus, reduce energy, increase depression, increase anxiety, and lower sexual libido. Why don’t we tell the depressed to go on a super healthy diet instead of popping them with pills that fuck ’em up even more?

I did some self-studies while I lived in Bulgaria, and you can request the data if you’d like. I proved scientifically for myself that sugar was making my life measurably worse.

Since then I’ve cut it out, and almost lived a whole year free of sugar. Now my mood is stable, I have so much more energy, more confidence, etc.

Sugar is measurably a drug, and causing so many problems but people lack the awareness to even realize that is what is causing their problem because eating sugary food is so common!

Sugar is by all definitions a drug, and also the cause of obesity. You can just type in “sugar vs. obesity state comparison,” and you’ll get all kinds of crazy cor-relational studies proving that sugar consumption increases mental illness and weight.

Rant on sugar aside, I was accidentally drugging myself. It seems so fucking silly to say this, and probably some of you are rolling your eyes because you knew that tea was packed with caffeine.

The thing was, I didn’t. We all lack awareness in some things, and it’s affecting us in ways we could never imagine.

Could you imagine if I went to the doctor for insomnia? He’d probably ask if I consume any caffeine. I’d say, “no sir, I don’t drink any coffee,” thinking that no caffeine was in Thai Tea.

He would then say, “okay you are biologically fucked up, take these pills and sleep!” But that’s not the case! I was cluelessly consuming absurd amounts of caffeine late in the evening! No shit I couldn’t sleep!

So this is a bit of a story to laugh at. There I was many nights pondering some deep emotional shit when the answer was rather simple. Turns out that my deep emotional problems are at the very least not causing any insomnia- it was just the caffeine.

Another plus to this is that I can now allow myself to consume coffee, which I think is delicious.

Typically I only consume decaf, however that doesn’t exist in Thailand. Now I can allow myself a morning coffee, 200mg of caffeine, knowing that I’m avoiding it in the afternoon/evening/night and that I am not over-exceeding 400mg of caffeine per day.

Think of some problems you have, and I shall do the same. Perhaps the answers are so bloody simple and right in front of our face that we fail to see them.

I was contemplating deep emotional stuff… But really, the answer was simple.

What problems are you complicating that actually have simple answers? Be creative and open-minded, and talk to others. The answers might just be right there in front of you.

-Michael.

All In or All Out

When I took magic mushrooms for the first time over a year ago, I knew it would be deeply spiritual, but I never could’ve guessed just how important the messages would be to me.

I learned several key lessons in that first trip, which I wrote down, saved, and some of which I remind myself of to this today.

One of those lessons is this: all in, or all out.

All In or All Out

Life is full of decisions. You could eat at a million different restaurants, live in countless countries and countless cities, date countless people, and work too many jobs to fulfill a dozen lifetimes.

We each feel particularly called to something, which is our “heart” or “intuition.” It’s very important that we listen to it.

The whole Universe works to help you follow your own path, even if it doesn’t seem like it.

Events which we consider “bad luck” could actually be events which are designed to change our course and bring us unknowingly to riches we deserve.

How many stories are there of someone getting fired, then finding what they are truly passionate in? Suddenly they feel so grateful for getting fired, otherwise they may be dying slowly on the 9-5 grind they never really wanted.

Sometimes though you face a crossroad where there isn’t a clear path. The choice is up to you.

You should always consult your heart, and if your intuition doesn’t say “no” to any of them, then try listen closely to see what feels better. Sometimes it doesn’t matter- but you still have to make a choice.

You can’t live with regrets though. Sometimes you follow your heart and not everything goes to plan, or something unexpected which we call “bad” happens.

Should you have not followed your heart? No because in following your heart, you often learn to listen deeper, and your heart becomes wiser in its decisions.

Sometimes your heart knows that it must go through some pain and growth or loss in order to get something which it wants. The heart wants what it wants, but it also wants you to feel good, creating conflict.

This is where success barriers come in- we avoid doing what we know we really must do.

With anything, you need to be “all in” or “all out.” If you make a decision, go all in with it in that moment- if you can’t, then maybe you should be all in for the other decision.

The problem with many, including sometimes myself, is that they make a decision but think of the other, or hold regrets, or always wonder “what if…”

One great way to make decisions is ask whether you’d regret something because you know that if you would not be all in for the other decision and regret not taking the other path then it is a path you truly must take.

I’m speaking even of the small things here- if you can’t be all in for eating Mexican food tonight, then why should you go eat Mexican sitting there wondering what Italian food might taste like on your tongue?

Sometimes we make a decision and there’s no clear path. There is no good answer. In these cases it still makes the best sense to go all in for one decision.

If you make a decision but don’t take responsibility for it, then you can only be bitter at the world for that it didn’t work out exactly as you desired.

If you make an uncertain decision certain, then you can be “all in” and fully responsible for the outcomes, even if you can’t control it completely.

In this way you become the captain of your life, guiding yourself through life. You listen to your heart, and you follow it, knowing that things may not always go as planned but that it’s your true path.

There may be nothing worse on this Earth than not following your true path.

To fail in the face of authenticity is to have earned yourself a wonderful experience of following your heart, an experience which may just lead to your treasure.

To fail in the face of inauthenticity is to have cut yourself twice- once for denying your heart, and once for failing also.

The pain of not following your heart is greater than any pain you could experience by following your heart.

The nagging feeling of your heart whispering “I want to do this” is enough to drive man mad.

For long I’ve ignored the next big step in my path, and now that I’m taking it, it feels scary, but I know that I am living true and that whatever fault may come it is for better.

There is risk, of course. I don’t say anything of the future, either- I will not say where my path will go, just that I think I know where it goes, and I believe that I’ll arrive where I desire to arrive.

Of course, the path may change to get there, but I have faith as long as I follow my heart everything will turn out- it always does.

Try to follow your heart, be all in for it. We both know you can’t be “all out,” for that is to not be alive, and you are here now for a reason. You know it intuitively.

Promise your heart you will listen to it, that you will do what it asks of you.

And when you need to make any decision, be all in or all out. Not fully down for it? Don’t do it.

If you are uncertain, choose to be all in because there is no other choice. It is pointless to take one weak step in either direction, when you could choose to take a step with power, even if you don’t know what the right decision is.

Fortune favors the bold, which requires you to be all in.

All in, or all out. Choose. Now.

Done.

-Michael