Category Archives: Success Mindsets

Know Yourself + Life Update

Hey what’s up! In today’s blog post, I will share with you some useful life-things I’ve learned, and then share some updates on what’s been going on in my roller-coaster of a life.

I’m now in Sofia, Bulgaria, and a bit dazed to be honest. The culture shock every time I come back here hits me, perhaps because I don’t have a girlfriend here anymore to help ease me in.

I also partied it up + jet lagged myself AF in Amsterdam, which is why I’ve been feeling quite fatigued.

This experience has led me to realize some self-things, which I can share with you to your benefit. This first thing has been on my mind for a while.

The Distraction Addiction

I recently read a book called “The Distraction Addiction.” It was great, though quite lengthy, with fascinating tangents.

Reading it is a true test to one’s ability to focus. I’d say it’s an excellent book, but only if you can hang in there long enough for the all the pieces to epically come together.

In today’s society, we are filled with so many distractions: video games, TV, YouTube, social media, this, that, whatever.

I’ve blamed in the past many problems from this surge of internet usage, however now I am doubtful of the degree to which the internet has actually damaged us.

Simply put: now I believe, as realized from the book, that “distraction” comes from within. We simply find outlets to fuel that distraction.

I wouldn’t argue against the point that certain internet sites can inhibit your ability to focus. They are literally designed to distract you, and keep you on their sites.

However, I realized that the “need for distraction” came from within. It was “ego,” in a sense.

Even without the internet, your mind wanders everywhere. It can hardly stay focused on even the breath in meditation.

We must learn to use the internet consciously- to not go down endless loopholes, get triggered by keyboard warriors, or get distracted when we’re supposed to be working or studying.

You can download some software to help with that (I use BlockSite for Chrome), cut out some sites, and try to use the internet less…

But ultimately your ability to focus is reliant primarily on your mindfulness. If you are aware of what you are focusing on, and aware of those tempting feelings that make you distracted, then you can let go of them… And focus.

I think this is becoming increasingly important. I know that for myself, distraction addiction is a huge problem hindering my success in life.

It prevents me from self-connection, identifying my own needs, growing my business, getting dates, and ultimately doing what would make me truly fulfilled.

Distractions are low-hanging fruit that temporarily ease the pain of being a human. Embracing the pain and handling the situation is what’s better for you, though harder in the short-term.

Speaking of this, I recently downloaded video games and started playing again. Oops…

Know Yourself

Now I’ve learned a self-lesson. I play video games to self-medicate the pain of jet lag, culture shock, emotional pain, and well… Fear.

I typically have video games deleted completely off of my computer, but during intense periods of my life, I tend to re-download them.

The gaming is typically great at first. My recent go-to game has been CS:GO, but I’ve played all kinds of other games.

At first dying or losing doesn’t bother me. Then, I get on an epic win streak. Because I haven’t played the game in a long time my focus is razor-sharp & the game pairs me with new players that I can easily defeat.

The wins are exhilarating. Sometimes I save the game for my team, eliminating 3 enemies and defusing the bomb all on my own with no help!

Then the high/low cycles start… Maybe I get angry at a teammate for not playing with the team and costing us the game. Or I rage when I lose focus (Distraction Addiction?) and miss some otherwise easy shots.

The truth is that for all humans we have these patterns & habits, and I think it’s very important to know them.

You can make more conscious decisions when you know what your patterns & weaknesses are, to prevent yourself from falling into a trap.

For example, when I am jet lagged all I want to do is sleep. So I’ve set up a 2-alarm system that wakes me up from one alarm, then I must enter another room for the second, besides which is an open window shining light in, and a large glass of water.

The past 2 mornings were rough. I wanted more than anything to return to bed. But I out-smarted my tired-self, the sunlight + water was too stimulating for me to return to sleep!

When you know your patterns, you can also be more self-compassionate. I am more accepting and not self-hating for my sudden video game habit.

My brain is just like “WTF is going on, I’m in Bulgaria,” and I’m also incredibly tired. I let myself play video games on flights too, which likely primes my brain for more video game playing when I arrive in new destinations far away.

In the end understanding yourself allows you more self-compassion, you can better set up life for success (instead of deluding yourself), and you can prepare for what you know will be an inevitable desire.

2 Weeks of… Woah

Speaking of travel, I’m now in Sofia, Bulgaria. The past 2-3 weeks have been much more hectic than I would’ve liked. In fact, the past 1-2 months have been fairly brutal.

In the past 2 weeks I’ve been in Montreal (which was incredible), Texas (business), Phoenix (family), Tucson (Gov. stuff), Phoenix, Amsterdam (2-day layover), and Sofia. I’m tired!

It’s good that I understand myself better, as normally I’d be getting down on myself for my constant fatigue, hunger, exhaustion, distraction addiction, and all around feeling weird.

Now I just know that I’ve burnt out on a lot of travel.

This isn’t something I’d like to continue. My goal of “traveling less” for 2020 is off to a rough start!

The problem can be traced all the way back into December or even November of 2019 though- I was optimistic to return to Phoenix to see family, however I didn’t create a plan for what’s next.

I was enjoying life, going with the flow, whatever, so I thought it would be great when I arrived. I was wrong.

The jet lag & reverse culture shock hit me. Turns out I really don’t like the city of Phoenix either, primarily due to the long commutes from where my family lives. It’s also not THAT social of a city when compared to Montreal, Sofia, Chiang Mai.

I thought I’d “make the next decision when I arrive,” but what actually ended up happening was a lot of confusion & procrastinating.

This led to a mess of events that leads to where I am now. Derp.

Important self-lesson: consequences you are experiencing today were unlikely from actions you took today. The things you do MONTHS AGO affect you RIGHT NOW.

So make sure you’re making good decisions- it’ll make or break your future you!

So… Bulgaria: How Are You?

To be honest, I’m struggling over here. It was a hard decision to come.

Go back to Chiang Mai- November 2019. I had just left Bulgaria. I felt sad to leave, but visa rules and all that.

At that time my intention was to return to Bulgaria- either to get a long-term visa, OR to do half Bulgaria half Thailand.

Something changed though… I don’t know what it was.

I learned a lot more Thai. I went deeper into relationships there. My heart opened up. I found some Thai friends to go running with. I ate more Thai food. I partied. I got work done. I had such an incredible time.

When I returned to Phoenix, my intention was to still get back to Bulgaria as soon as my visa fixed itself.

One day, I went into a Thai restaurant. I spoke Thai. The waitress asked when I would return to Thailand, and I said… 1 month.

Did I lie? I don’t know. It just happened. I wasn’t sure to make of what I said.

At some point, I don’t know when, my heart started desiring Thailand more and more. Perhaps that could be the place where I could live longer-term, it thought? And by that, I mean 1 year commitment to start?

I’m feeling drawn there. It’s good there. And I don’t have to leave every 3 fucking months.

Visas are easy and affordable. They make sense. The visa-extension takes an hour at most, most of which is spent waiting. You don’t even need to speak with someone- as long as you provide the right documents, which is CLEARLY LISTED & WRITTEN IN ENGLISH, you can get a visa.

Compare that to Bulgaria, with one of the most confusing & unclear immigration systems. The rules are not clear. The rule is to not speak anything but Bulgarian- even to fellow EU passport holders.

At some point in my stay in Montreal, I wrote a super long blog post that I never published. It was left hidden, just for me. I might publish it later.

It was just me ranting about the ridiculousness of the immigration here, when compared to most other countries in the world. Of every nation I’ve been to, Bulgaria is very likely the hardest country to move to.

It would cost thousands of Euros, AND a flight to Chicago, + 1 month waiting, AND YET ANOTHER flight to Chicago.

No wonder Bulgaria is losing population – it’s near-impossible for non-EU members to move there!

Waiting for the Truth

I guess the way I could describe it is a sense of meaninglessness. Like, “what the fuck am I even doing here?”

If I’m being completely honest, I wanted to return to Chiang Mai first, but they have a 1-2 month burning season which is going on right now. This is when pollution gets bad due to wildfires + farmers burning their crops (among other reasons).

Of course, this feeling of dullness is amplified by my sleep deprivation & jet lag, which is taking a bit too long to pass.

That + culture shock is a recipe for bleh. Not to mention derping too long on video games fries the brain!

I “know myself,” so I’m gonna wait it out before I accurately assess the situation. I do truly appreciate my friends here, I just don’t feel good yet due to my travel fatigue.

That being said, I’ve calculated the cost of loss if I decide to leave Bulgaria early for Thailand.

It is manageable. So there is that chance that I might decide to leave early and go to Thailand.

I didn’t want to go anywhere new in 2020. But I still have to take care of my happiness, so I’ll go to a new city in Thailand until the burning season in the North passes.

While there are some legitimate downsides to Bulgaria that ignite this feeling, a big source of it is just the knowing that I must leave in May anyways. For yet another 3 months.

It’s not healthy to say “I’m not going to enjoy where I’m at because I’ll be going soon,” but if I really am internally seriously about living in Thailand, then it would indeed make more sense to rip this band-aid off now instead of letting myself meet some girls here, get new friends, and all that just to say good-bye when that time could be spent creating something that’ll stay at least a bit longer.

“Why Not Stay Right Here…?”

A couple weeks ago in Montreal I also had an interesting feeling: why not just move to Montreal?

I was enjoying it. Hanging out with an awesome group of international & diverse friends. Dating really cool girls.

Sure Montreal is cold, but people don’t let that stop them. People live life to the fullest there- go out, eat some food, drink cafe, hangout at the bar, go for a walk!

And… Immigration is likely easier. I don’t even know if I’d “have” to (it might be possible literally just to go and stay without much paperwork).

Also in Montreal I planned out the next year or so- I have a general plan with contingencies included for the rest of 2020.

It was good doing that, but I think I’ll add another contingency: the “stay where I’m at” contingency, where if I’m really liking a place, maybe I’ll just move there.

Things change quickly. When you only have 3 months to make friends, many don’t stay too attached when you’re gone for yet another 3 months. Even if I do.

So why not just stay where you’re at, and develop that further? I was seriously considering that in Montreal. I love those friends. They were incredible. I felt so good.

I’d say the experience of Montreal was 9/10, maybe even 10/10. And I want that clearly written for my own reference, in case I forget that.

Every time I go back, my same old awesome friends are there for me, and so are new friends & girls. It’s incredible. Things happen in Montreal. And it’s diverse!

My mentality is simplifying these days. Instead of analyzing so much, I’m trying to be in more of a productive, action-orientated mode. “Just go” or “just do XYZ” is more common of a thought nwo for me.

Why complicate it?

I would like to see what’s in Thailand, so I shall do that. And if that doesn’t work out, then I’ll likely move to Montreal.

Unless things suddenly change for Bulgaria, the prospect of me living here long-term is starting to dim out. Which makes me sad. Which makes me want to buy the next flight out and get it over with now, because goddamnit I have too many awesome friends here and I would truly enjoy living here for a year straight to go deep on it… But the fucking government..

It’s kind of funny. Bulgaria makes it so hard to immigrate, that now I’ve spent too much time in other places (Montreal & Thailand), so much so that they’re taking my heart away.

We’re gonna see where the wind takes me.

For now, I’m gonna try to sleep off this jet lag. It’s possible that I may feel better and suddenly I may be convinced this is my one and only place, worth fighting for. Or not.

A clear mind is needed to tell.



Stop Learning!

I want to STOP learning. Yes, you read that right..

“The possession of Knowledge, unless accompanied by a manifestation and expression in Action, is like the hoarding of precious metals — a vain and foolish thing. Knowledge, like Wealth, is intended for Use. The Law of Use is Universal, and he who violates it suffers by reason of his conflict with natural forces.” — The Kybalion.

This quote, along with other writings in The Kybalion have painfully stuck with me for years.

The Kybalion is a book about the ancient Hermetic teachings that came out of Ancient Egypt.

It’s quite hard to understand, but once you “get it,” it’ll hit you deep. However, this last part is extremely clear, and applies to all facets of life.

Avoiding Learning… At Painful Costs

Today I had to drive from Phoenix to Tucson (and back), which was easily more than 4 hours.

I also went to another town 45 minutes from my town in the Phoenix area for a business event, and now I’m writing this at (yet another town) Arizona State University so I can rest & relax before driving some more.

I’ve spent A LOT of time driving. And what better use of that time than to listen to podcasts & content on how to better myself?


I could emotionally feel it. I wanted to, by instinct, turn on podcasts, self-help material, and learn, but I just couldn’t do it.

As fucking boring & awful as it was, I listened to one painful song after another, or even no music, as I drove hour after hour.

I did listen a bit to a business program that I had purchased, but I was re-listening to content I had learned before. Now I was re-listening so I could solidify it.

Needless to say, it was a boring trip, and most people would be perplexed as to why I didn’t turn on some self-help or business podcast to put that use to “good time!”

But WHY Avoid Learning?

I didn’t take that quote from the Kybalion seriously when I first read it. I was in a period of my life where I was growing fast, and that meant absorbing all kinds of information.

My first long road-trip from Nebraska to Arizona was filled with valuable self-help content, and one of the videos I listened to was so inspiring I permanently downloaded & backed it up so I can always have it.

Learning is necessary, up to a point. I won’t argue with that; the point of this post isn’t to say “never” learn, but instead to “stop learning once you’ve learned enough.”

There comes a time when you need to stop talking & take action. Otherwise, you get jammed on endless information-gathering, which eventually paralyzes you.

Right now I’ve taken more action, but I still have a ways to go to catch up with my knowledge level.

I “know” many things in the brain, but I don’t “know” them in the body because I haven’t applied them in reality.

I’ve been tortured for years about business and self-help information that I have not yet applied.

Once you’ve learned something, it’s impossible to sleep well until you apply it. I can’t think of anyone I know that learns how to succeed in business or with dating or this or that and can go to sleep calmly without putting it to action!

This is a dangerous habit to break: YouTube is one click away, begging to share more information.

Friends and entrepreneurial circles are constantly trying to share books, blogs, podcasts, authors, events, speakers, programs, etc…

Now, in reflection, I realize that I know quite a bit. When I apply things, my theories are either proven correct or adjusted to fit reality, but each day I apply things I can sleep a bit easier.

Stop Learning, Start Acting

I really like this blog’s description of the Kybalion quote, as well as his examples of Analysis Paralysis and the deeply negative effects it has.

The author writes about something called “Rapid Practical Integration,” which is a fancy way of saying that you should only research the next critical thing you need to accomplish.

For example, don’t research how to hire employees, unless you actually need to hire employees (I’m writing this to myself).

This applies for whatever you’re going for. Don’t research “how to meet women” unless you’ve actually tried to meet women and are experiencing a specific problem.

First, experiencing a SPECIFIC problem is MUCH easier to solve than a generic problem. Second, if you apply everything you learn in a program, you’ll have a foundation of reality to work from, instead of getting stuck in the brain.

All the time I hear absolutely ridiculous theories about social dynamics, travel, and business, and I know they’re ridiculous because of my extensive experience in the subjects (less so in business, but you get the point).

Base Yourself In Reality

In the end, life is meant to be lived, not thought of.

Do you really want to think about business, about fitness, about attracting that ideal partner?

Probably not.

So go get it! Go out and actually apply something, as that’s how you succeed!

You’ll have to ‘fail’ a bit at first, but that’s okay, because in the long-term you will succeed.

No More Learning!

That is why I’m avoiding learning, even when it seems obvious to do so. I simply see no more value in mindlessly “learning” more information.

All it will do is cause me more restless nights as I process the information and think of ways I can apply it.

In a world where you can be and do and learn anything, it’s important to stop entertaining the options at a certain point.

You need to take action. Bring ONE thing into reality, and if that isn’t satisfying, then go onto the next!


What is Reality? Embrace it.

Earlier this year I watched an epic video by Ray Dalio, and it made me write something down that has been quite impactful since:

“What is Reality? Embrace it.”

In the morning & night I recite 3 things I feel grateful for, but then also read this.

Reality is yin & yang, truth is there’s a lot more you could be grateful for, and by reciting some gratitude stuff and affirmations you’d be a lot happier.

At the same time, reality faces us with some difficult situations sometimes.

A cause of a lot of your suffering is just from resisting the situation, instead of embracing it fully.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting recently, and MOST problems that I’ve had were never too complicated when I thought about it… And same for my problems moving forward.

The problem was that I was stuck in my head of how things “should be,” or I just didn’t accept the situation fully.

When you stop telling stories about everything that is happening in your life, you can actually find a solution rather easily.

Earlier this year, I was telling a victim story about how my travels went out of control, my visa for Bulgaria fucked up, and I broke up with my ex.

The thing was that to move forward I had to stop telling a story. I had to take off the victim hat, analyze the situation, and then start moving forward.

Eventually I embraced reality, woke up, and realized that I had wasted a couple months just being sad, and not really doing anything meaningful.

Note: alternatively we could say that those months of sadness were necessary to get over the heart-break, who knows.

Still, had I boiled things down into the simplest explanation, then I would’ve been able to take care of myself much better. Without embracing reality, you have no clarity, and with no clarity comes no good decision.

Some things that help you become clear are meditation, quitting social media, quitting video games, walking in nature, talking or writing about your problem, and exercise.

Now that I’ve started doing this, I’ve been writing a lot less on here because a lot more has been happening in my own life.

My next business steps are obvious, same for personal life, and even for travel or where to live.

Just try to boil everything down to a simple sentence, as hard as it may be. Then it becomes easier to ask others for advice, and you don’t get a huge variance in responses.

Back when I told stories, people would understand different parts of the story, and then give different parts of advice. It was highly varied and thus not actionable.

Now when I explain a simple sentence with a, “my current situation is this, but I would like this desired situation,” the answer(s) become rather obvious for others to provide me, or me to provide myself.

You can do this yourself as well. When you’ve got a problem, just start writing in your journal or reflecting until you can boil this down into a simple sentence.

Anyways, that’s all for now. Have a great day!


Fresh Winds Among Chaos: Upgrading for 2020

Do you want to make 2020 the best year ever? It starts now, by preparing before we all get wasted for New Year’s and spend the first week of 2020 in a hungover daze.

A Fresh Wind Among Chaos

Yesterday I did something out of the ordinary and really incredible:

With my phone off, I went to a low-key cafe, drank coffee, and just sat there. It was quiet. It was boring. I felt restless.

I had my journal in front of me.

Suddenly, I started writing. A lot.

I went from “a bit confused about life” to “extremely clear on what exactly needs to be done, how I feel about things, and where I’m headed.”

It was awesome. You should try it.

I came to quite a few realizations…

But First… A Story

I’m beginning to feel more and more a distaste to our modern technologies.

Today I went on a date with a beautiful girl. She couldn’t keep off her phone for more than 10 minutes at a time.

Minus ten points!

Ugh, it’s really starting to become a problem. And when my hot date hops on her phone, it tempts me to do the same also.

Also, I don’t think I’m boring. I could be wrong. Not all people are meant to mix.

It just seems that you have to dance like a wild monkey more and more to keep people’s attention these days.

I’ll be the first to admit I have a phone problem, but at least I can refrain from whipping out my phone when the conversation hits a 1.7618 second silence!

Dating aside, phones specifically are starting to becoming an annoyance for me.

Turn off notifications, and opening apps becomes addictive because you never know if you’ll have a message or not.

Turn on notifications, and you will get distracted every time you get a new buzz.

There’s no winning this fucking game.

I don’t know about you, but my phone and technology in general has become a problem in my life.

Both in how it’s affected others, but also, how it has affected me…

Embracing the Eye of the Storm

Back to my realizations from earlier. I was in a cafe, phone off, just me, a quiet vibe, and a pen n’ paper.

Just an hour before my moment of clarity, I felt tired, sluggish, confused, anxious, and generally out of it.

I had multiple things I “needed to do,” but for weeks they just couldn’t seem to get done… Which is ridiculous, because even the most time-consuming (extending my visa) would take just 1-2 hours on a bad day (this is Thailand, the most efficient visa extension in the world).

Maybe it was partly due to the coffee… But I can attest now as I write at 23:24 / 11:24 PM having gone over 9 hours without coffee, it’s the non-phone thing.

You see, in that cafe free of my phone, my brain did something a bit strange.

The Self-Solving Puzzle

Hours before that moment in the cafe, I had multiple situations that needed solving.

For example one of the many puzzles I had to solve was whether I should travel to the islands down South, extend my stay in Chiang Mai, visit Bangkok again, or have a really awesome Bangkok girl come up to visit me.

Clouded by endless notifications, YouTube videos, and IG bullshit, my mind couldn’t think.

When I cut off the madness, powered myself with coffee, and just sat there, SOMETHING solved everything for me.

My unconscious brain (or something) beautifully solved every problem without a single conscious thought from me!

I still marvel at that moment- I just fucking SAT THERE with a PEN AND PAPER, primed my unconscious mind with “I need this solved,” and then magically the ideal solution came to mind!

With the solution clear, my next steps became obvious. I created a simple action plan for the rest of 2020 as to my travel situation.

I also became clear as to my emotions regarding Bulgaria, Thailand, USA, where to live, all that good stuff (more on that later, plus more goodies for you).

Peace as the Default?

I’ll list some of the other realizations I had in a moment. Something else magical happened.

This newfound clarity brought with it a sense of wonder & joy. Then looking at the cafe, I noticed the paintings, subtle design elements, and other nuances that went unnoticed due to the phone capturing my attention!

In Thailand there is a BTS station called “ASOK,” which translates to “without sadness,” roughly speaking.

By just sitting there, I felt “without sadness.” I wasn’t particularly happy, but at peace, I was.

Why do I so desperately feel the need to be entertained by YouTube?

For the first 5 minutes it is more painful to just sit there, but the next hour is filled with wonderful peace, a sense of wonder, and extreme mental clarity!

Removing the Gas Pedal

I am reminded of a lesson I learned on a spiritual blog I used to read when I was 14 or 15 or 16 or something.

The author at wrote on one article something along the lines of:

“The mind is like a moving car, and when you meditate, you are taking your foot off the gas pedal. The car does not instantly stop moving, for it has inertia. With time, this car will begin to slow, and then stop. You will have the inner peace you’ve always had.”

This really is what I can see happening within myself!

Sometimes I feel compelled to watch YouTube because the content is truly fascinating. For example, I LOVE “Ownage Pranks.” Every week he releases a hilarious new video!

But other times I watch out of boredom, or a craving, or I even start from a good place but then find my way down the rabbit hole. You know, when you start at 9PM, and next thing you know it’s 2AM.

I’m finding more and more that for my own mental health it is often better just to sit and do nothing.

At first I may have some uncomfortable/derpy thoughts that I don’t like being with.

More often I may have some uncomfortable emotions. For example, I may have just been around someone I do not like.

What I’ve learned is when you just sit there in awareness, and feel, let go, relax, you often end up letting go of whatever it is that bothers you.

The first few minutes (or dozen minutes) suck… Don’t get me wrong. It feels much better short-term to pop over to YouTube.

Long term? Sitting there, literally doing nothing feels so much better!

The Solutions Come From Within

It seems that most of the answers I need come from within. There is no research that needs to be done, second opinions required, or data needed.

I just need to reflect- and perhaps so do you- and let the unconscious mind sort itself out.

This spiritual talk is rather practical. It’s simple: when you stop feeding your brain with new bullshit, it can sort out everything it has already taken in!

Some Of My Realizations

As promised, I’d like to share a few of the realizations that I had, as an example of what’s possible.

First, I figured out what my travel plans should be for the rest of 2020. I will remain in Chiang Mai until Dec 15, spend a couple days in Bangkok, then return to Phoenix.

In Phoenix I will decide what to do next, after first spending a little time with family + friends.

Currently it looks like I will either acquire a visa for Bulgaria, or live half my time in Thailand and half my time in Bulgaria for 2020.

Second, I realized how I truly feel about various things/places/etc.

For Bulgaria, I love the city of Sofia and how it’s laid out. I hate the customer service and general selection of products (not so good for business, shopping, cafes, etc.).

But what’s best about Bulgaria are my friends there. It’s easy to stay connected with them also because of the way Sofia is designed. The parks are incredible too.

Third, I’ve become a lot more aware of my financial situation and just how far behind I would’ve liked to be by now.

There were other, secret realizations. The most important thing you should take-away is that the experience made me feel CLEAR!

MANY answers came to me! I did not need to search online for the answers, ask friends or random people, or DO anything but SIT in a QUIET PLACE with NO DISTRACTIONS.

By feeling more clear now on what I want, I feel that I need to better optimize my time. I want to make sure I live every minute authentically chasing my goals or living fully, not derping around on YouTube…

And the Biggest… My Addiction: YouTube

The biggest realization is that I have a severe functional addiction: the phone/technology/YouTube.

I listed a few different things because it has shape-shifted over the years.

Sometimes I was indulging in video games. For example, in mid-2018 I once played Fortnite for like… 12 hours straight. Ugh, imagine if I had WORKED 12 hours straight- that’d probably be one new client!

Other times it was Reddit. Reddit is particularly toxic, with a high potential for drama. There are a few golden nuggets, but you need thick skin… And it’s a rabbit hole even if you never post.

Sometimes it’s even just going down an internet rabbit hole. 5 hours went by, I’ve researched a lot, but I have nothing to show for it…

MOST of the time, it was YouTube. It’s always been YouTube to an extent.

For nearly a decade since YouTube’s birth I can recite my fascination and enjoyment of YouTube.

When I was in Middle School (age 11-14), I recall watching YouTube on my iPod 4 (remember that?).

I distinctly remember my first favorite YouTube channel “MinnesotaBurns.” He would play Call of Duty and “troll” people. It inspired me to do the same, and cause a lot of havoc on Xbox + PC games.

Over the years I watched all types of content: informational, pranks, funny, sad, motivating, SO many different things.

At certain periods of my life, it was net-positive. In fact, I believe that of all the social media networks, YouTube has HIGH potential for positivity due to its educational + uplifting nature.

At age 14 I became inspired to become more socially confident + get girls, setting me on a path that would inevitably lead me towards self-development, and then business, creating my current “digital nomad” life!

Sometimes I watched YouTube to cope, like when I was sad, needed a friend, or even just needed some inspiration.

Anyways, let’s cut the story. You probably have a similar one.

Somehow over the years I began to watch more and more, sometimes addictively, sometimes not so additively.

It wasn’t a problem when I was 16 to indulge until midnight in hilarious videos. Or to watch YouTube while eating a meal.

Now, it is. Something has changed either in the platform, or how I use the platform.

The Dangers of the Internet (Particularly YouTube)

Please note that I’m not personally attacking YouTube. I love it. It’s still incredibly useful!

What I’m writing applies to the internet in general- Twitter, IG, Facebook, Blogs (like mine, too), YouTube, etc.!

Somehow over the years it became harmful. I watched a little too much. I began to crave it, like an addict.

And I have time. We all have time. So I gave in. I still worked, achieved my goals, whatever.

But instead of watching it because it was truly the best thing to do at the time, I began to watch it to “pass the time” out of boredom. I wanted to “get to the future.” Or the pull was just too intense!

Now it’s not all bad. For example, it sure is nice when waiting in airport queues to watch a nice, funny video to lighten things up.

However it’s also just as easy to open up YouTube when you’re eating a nice, delicious meal.

Just last week I was eating some incredible Italian food (the diversity here in Thailand is amazing!) yet I felt myself compelled to watch YouTube while eating.

I believe that is a key marker of an addict… Right?

At the very least, WHY?!? The flavors of the meal were wonderful!

Why did I need to also watch a YouTube video? You can only focus on one thing, the video or the food. So as I watched another video, my meal disappeared and all that remained was the good after-taste of it all.

In watching YouTube during my meal, I robbed myself of the great experience of enjoying that meal!

And fucking everyone is doing this now! For you it’s Facebook, for her it’s Instagram, for him it’s Twitter- but it’s fucking SOMETHING.

Walk into a restaurant and tell me what you see these days. It’s awful. It’s becoming a massive problem. We’re forgetting how to… Human.

Date Resistance

And I can see in myself too these negative effects spreading EVERYWHERE.

I am dating a great girl here in Chiang Mai. But when I first met her, I prematurely judged her.

The first 30 minutes of our first date were not particularly exciting. Like all first dates, it was slightly awkward, we struggled to find a good conversation topic + flow, etc.

A part of me was thinking “maybe I should just leave after drinking my coffee.”

Thank goodness I didn’t! After an hour we found our connection, went to the waterfall, ate delicious Thai food, and then enjoyed some exciting times together.

This is a dangerous time, instant gratification from YouTube for me and perhaps something else for you makes it tempting to “dip out” of awkward encounters with new people because it’s more pleasing short-term to derp-out to that little screen of yours!

The girl I went on a date with today lost a bit of my respect with her obsessive phone usage.

Emotional Turmoil

One time I went to eat at a restaurant- a delicious fruit bowl. I felt so compelled to whip out my phone while waiting for my meal, but I decided against it.

I realized I felt emotionally bad. Why?

I was previously hanging out with someone I did not like! It was draining.

So I sat there with my feelings, and soon they dissolved. Then I felt better, and could eat my fruit bowl with full attention.

My mind now is so tempted to whip out YouTube every time I feel bad, or am bored, or whatever… But this just builds up the pain as it never gets processed.

An Unclear Mind + The Last Unknown

And as I have written so much about already, my mind doesn’t feel clear.

That simple exercise of just fucking SITTING and DOING NOTHING allowed my uncoscious mind to lay out a VERY clear path up to 2020, as well as an “if-then” system for deciding my 2020 plans!

There is one last unknown- what I’d like to do for my work. Should I keep doing what I’m doing, develop an online course, switch niches, etc.?

I don’t know yet. But I know how to find the answer now.

The Ticking Clock

Worst of all, the clock is ticking. Tick tock, the clock.

How much time have I wasted in 2019 alone to bullshit internet stuff? Is it really okay to indulge “even just a little?”

Sure, maybe a little is okay. I dated this girl earlier this year and we played Minecraft together one time for a while.

That was a ton of fun. It was an exciting experience to combine a pretty girl with one of my favorite childhood games.

I guess what’s most important is defining what kind of life I really want to have- and I ask you too, what kind of life do you want to live?

I do concede that playing video games with some real life friends (ie. laptop meeting at a friend’s place) can be a lot of fun. It’s a shared experience with friends.

But doing it alone? Not fun. It’s just a distraction from doing the necessary yet hard or boring tasks needed to live a great life.

Meeting new friends is awkward and annoying. It’s a lot easier to whip out that phone or play that online game short-term.

But the growing pains of such a task is necessary, otherwise you will be faced with greater long-term pain.

Ultimately what scares me is just how much time, and thus progress, I have lost in 2019 already.

Already the idea of quitting YouTube even for a month (and limiting other network usage) is terrifying. That feeling is the end of the delusion of it not being that much of a problem.

The fact is I have NOT made the business progress I intended to make earlier this year.

The biggest business thing I learned this year was that, as quoted by Sam Ovens:

“People don’t have business problems. People have personal problems that show up in their business.”

I’m filling my mind with derpy YouTube bullshit. Even the self-help stuff I listen to nowadays is highly unnecessary! I don’t need anymore “information.” I need to chill and take some proper action.

As above, so below. With a derpy mind comes derpy work. It needs to end.

Even if this is not true, the fact is that dedicating 50% of my YouTube/video game time this year alone would drastically change my business & financial life.

The clock is ticking. I do not want to live my life on YouTube, and the negative effects are extending farther out than just the time I waste on YouTube.

A New Path Forward

The phone has got to go. Yet I can’t. It’s too valuable to throw away, it’s necessary in our modern times.

The mind needs to be upgraded. I need to upgrade for 2020, as I would encourage you to do as well.

I could write for so much more about the dangers of the internet, distraction-addiction, YouTube, video games, whatever.

At this point, the message should be more than clear: it’s a huge waste of time, and boredom has its merits.

I want 2020 to be the best year ever, and I know that starts with taking back control over my mind.

As demonstrated to me in my no-phone chilling at a cafe with a pen n’ paper, a whole lot is possible of the mind I never knew to be possible.

The conscious ego need not do anything. Just relax, chill out, and wait for the solutions to be solved from your unconscious mind. Then act.

I am resolving now to vastly reduce my internet derp time, and instead replace it with productive action, meditation, or just chilling out.

Many of my goals are not where they need to be, and I can see now it’s not that I didn’t work hard enough- it’s that my energy, time, and attention were being crippled by the wrong things.

“Sam Ovens” also has another amazing business quote:

“It’s not about playing to your strengths, but about fixing your weaknesses.”

I can clearly see this to be true. My great mind (as is yours) is useless if polluted by internet nonsense.

Most of all, your time here is limited. Even as I secretly hope for “Immortality” I know that it is unlikely, and thus every moment must be optimized for success or fulfillment.

This means actively making new friends, nurturing current friends, meeting dating partners or actively dating, working out, eating right, working on the business / income, OR if not moving towards a goal, actively enjoying life by exploring, hanging out, napping, ANYTHING that is TRULY fulfilling.

This is the beginning of my new path: a life free of the hooks of the internet.

I’d like to free up my time from the internet (excluding work-stuff or legitimate research), and live REAL LIFE!

No more derping for endless hours on YouTube, mindlessly scrolling on IG, or ending up on some silly internet rabbit hole.

Time is too precious to waste. There’s a whole lot to create.

What do you think about all this?

Let me know. (:


-Michael Keller

Embracing Freedom as a Lifestyle

Recently, I believe that one of the most dangerous words in the English language is “should.”

In many ways it is egoic, guilt-filled, and you “shouldn’t” force yourself into undesired action with the word “should.” Yet this is how we are trained as kids.

This past year has been filled with epiphany and personal growth, and one recent lesson I’m about to share with you is embracing freedom as a lifestyle- and removing “should” from my vocabulary, except when absolutely necessary.

For example, in my recent dilemma of whether I should go to Thailand then USA or straight to the USA I had in my mind that I “should” go to USA because “that was the plan” and “I am American and thus should try out living there.”

Note that I “must” (should) leave Bulgaria because of my visa expiring- that is a practical, truthful use of the word “should.”

But the second use- that I “should go” to America- was not fair to myself and let to an egoic split within my mind that made it harder to follow what my heart really wanted to go, which was to go to Thailand.

Eventually I came to the conclusion (thanks to the support of some friends) that it would be wiser to go to Thailand, and save my “mind energy” for dealing with the logistical issues of Thailand such as the difference in time zone, instead of living somewhere I don’t truly want to live!

Another example of this (and even better) is last night I was at a party. I wasn’t sure if I should go or not as I was feeling tired and a bit sad to be leaving Bulgaria.

I ended up going, and was having a blast. I then decided to leave, when some friends came together and one suggested we go to a club playing some great electronic music.

My mind said “I should go home and get some rest.” So when we left, I promptly excused myself and started walking home.

During my walk home I began to feel this sense of nagging… My heart was saying “no, let’s go to the club and party all night.”

Keep in mind North American readers, this was at 2 or 3 AM, and clubs in Bulgaria go until the sun rises! When I say “party all night” I mean literally party until 5 or 6 in the morning.

During my walk I reflected on this feeling- I asked myself, “Why should I go home?” No answer came up.

I was saying that I “should” go home because it’s “healthier,” but I also had nothing to do all day Saturday! If I stayed out, I could sleep in as late as I want, and allow myself to recover.

Furthermore I loved the party, the group of friends, and my days in Bulgaria are numbered. Why not enjoy some time at an awesome Bulgarian club?

I turned around and went back to the club, and partied past 5 AM. It was a ton of fun. The music was great, the dancing awesome, the club filled with great vibes and attractive women.

Today (the next evening) I slept in late, ate some food, drank coffee, and I feel good.

Deep down I know that had I eaten a sandwich then went home at 3AM, I would’ve been more tired than staying up until past 5 AM partying with no food. I could feel it in my heart.

When you follow your heart, you are gifted with more energy than is required to do what you want to do.

I feel incredible today- why? I should, by all standards, be more fucked up… But I’m not. I lived authentically. I’m not hungover, despite being hardly able to walk straight earlier today at 5AM.

Today I was talking with an awesome friend I made via a mutual friend about life stuff- travel, where to live, adventure, our jobs, dating, all that stuff.

She was very authentic and down to Earth, and in being in that energy field it made me reflect on my own lessons that I’ve been learning and applying in life.

For example, she had a very specific type of guy that she liked- and she was totally okay with that.

Deep down I know that I’ve felt more attracted to Asian girls and Bulgarian-looking girls, but I never admitted it publicly. I always felt some discomfort in admitting it.

But part of embracing freedom as a lifestyle is in being okay with the way you are. You have to know who you are, and what you want, and when you know that, you should just go for it.

Don’t over-complicate things with the whole “should.”

I had a friend suggested I live in Las Vegas to “learn how to pick up girls,” but what’s the point in going all the way there? It’s just a useless “should.” I know that what I like is in Eastern Europe + Asia, why “should” I follow a path to there?

In reflection, it is actually strange to not have a type, in the dating example. Most everyone I’ve met has common denominators in all of their past partners.

Yet due to society we feel scared to admit it. We don’t want to admit what we like or want, and thus we never chase our true dreams and goals. We get stuck in the loop of “should” rather than truly living our authentic lives!

When I write, I am thinking of the YouTuber Nomad Capitalist who says something along the lines of:

“Go where you’re treated best.”

He was saying this in reference to other countries in which you can enjoy a better cost of living, but also where you might actually be treated better in certain regards.

When examined though, and in a deeper video upon his life quote, it is revealed that the meaning of this is to be completely free. Just follow your dreams, your heart, whatever you want to do.

Stop worrying about other people, or getting stuck in the egoic notion of “should.”

It should be said also that this also means being careful about creating unnecessary life steps for success in your life.

The biggest example of this I can give is that sometimes people recommended that I go to a certain city for a certain thing, but the two things are vaguely related.

Example: “you should go to XYZ City because it’s great for business… Or because you can network, etc.”

People have suggested to me to move to a certain city or check it out just because the city has made a loose association with business or the type of work that I do.

This is a huge way I see people fucking themselves up- when I’ve observed friends doing these things, they usually shoot themselves in the foot.

Now, I’m not saying that moving to a new city doesn’t carry certain benefits. Obviously if Asian girls is your thing Asia is better than Eastern Europe, so on and so forth everywhere.

What I am saying is when there’s not a clear-cut statistical relationship between two data points and you make a decision on that, that’s basically just you creating extra steps in your life for no reason.

Some people say that Sofia, Bulgaria is not that good for business. Often times I am believing this as well- I would likely not have clients here as they can’t afford my rates, and when it comes to the EU you minus well sell to countries like Germany, Sweden, or Finland that are much more abundant.

However in reflection we can see that my work is online, and thus I can work from anywhere. I could have German clients but live in Bulgaria, or American clients and live in Thailand.

The biggest problem with this is that I am in a different time zone, and also unable to meet people in person. These are the two biggest disadvantages to such a thing, which are real, measurable disadvantages.

Does that mean I should move to another city? I don’t know, but I don’t think so.

There are ways to overcome this problem that allow me to maintain my life of freedom and adventure. There are still clients that I can close, and remote work is starting to become the norm slowly but surely.

In short, what I’m trying to describe here is that a loose association between two cities (ie. New York and business) is often made in people’s minds, and then people make decisions based on that when in reality they might be able to succeed in business (or whatever) right where they are.

This is the hardest “should” to overcome because as I mentioned earlier there are several cases in which moving to a new city will have tangible benefits.

Again Asia has Asian girls, if you’re into that. Moving out of the Middle East provides you with a safer political environment, as another example. These are tangible benefits associated with moving.

But many people confuse tangible benefits with general associations that are drawn up, so people say they “should” go here or there or do this or that when in fact they have not personally measured whether this particular action will tangibly help them!

Just Be Free

It sounds almost ridiculous to write those 3 words as you’ve seen similar stuff everywhere, but when actively applied it is completely true- and I understand it can be harder to apply at some times over others.

There are societal pressures, your own ego, friend pressures, family pressures, etc. but ultimately you have to follow your own path in life.

This is the big mindset shift that I’ve been making in 2019, and it’s been reconnecting me with the original dreamer I had inside me in 2017. In 2018 I took a slightly different path that was necessary for my growth, but now I’m finally coming full circle, integrating both sides of the coin.

If my heart decides that I should live in Thailand and not in the USA, then I should just follow that- I can always check out USA later! Same is true for Bulgaria.

No need to overthink it or burden myself with “shoulds.” You should (pun intended) save the shoulds for when they’re genuinely necessary, ie. I must leave Bulgaria because my visa is expiring and if I don’t leave there will be trouble.

If you want to work a certain job, just do it. If you want to go somewhere, go there. If you want to date a certain type, then just date that type and stop holding yourself back from what you truly want deep down!

Last night I really wanted to party- I wanted to party like that for a long time, but every time the opportunity came up I passed it up with a “I should rest” or some other bullshit. But no, I wanted to party. So I did it. And now I feel better, I feel more energized than had I gone home at 2 or 3AM like all the other nights!

To live this life of freedom, you have to know who you are and what you want. Then you need to just take steps for getting what you want.

I know that my heart enjoys living in Bulgaria & Thailand, so I’ll just live there. If my heart decides to live in the USA, I’ll do that- but for a large part of the past year it’s been a “mind thing” to want to go back there- it’s been something in my mind, not my true, authentic & free self!

There are still places I want to travel and adventure, and living in Thailand and/or Bulgaria make it easier to do so. It’s cheaper, why spend more and have to work harder when my heart wants to live out here anyways?

Like I said I might later this year be “all in” for the USA- or I might not. But I’m writing this now both to you and to me, just to follow your damn fucking heart.

Live a life of freedom! Go for what you want! It’s okay to have a dating type, or want to go somewhere, or create a business or whatever.

Stop bogging yourself down with “should this should that,” when really you SHOULD just follow your heart and make it into a reality.

As sad as I am to leave Bulgaria, I feel excited to head back to wild Bangkok and beautiful Chaing Mai. I’m highly considering- especially if I get a girlfriend- to skip attempting to live in America, and instead just fly back for the holidays then back to Thailand… Or even just stay there during?

There are other things I’ve considered doing out of the norm recently, such as playing video games or going skydiving. Instead of rationalizing these things away, I’m now embracing the freedom lifestyle, and saying “why not?”

“Why not?” is such a powerful thing to ask because it reveals just how silly your rationalizations actually are.

One way or another, just do what you want. Stop complicating things. Follow your heart! Be free and happy!

Finally, I will add that this doesn’t mean neglecting important responsibilities such as your finances- it’s wiser then to reflect on these things so that your heart truly wants it.

When I live more in tune with my heart, I feel more motivated to work harder and longer because I’m actually producing wealth to spend and save for things I genuinely want to do!

What does your heart want?

Go follow it (:


-Michael Keller