What’s up? Nov 2019 has been a packed month for me, primarily because of my visa for Bulgaria expiring, and me choosing to go to Thailand.
Here’s what’s been good, as well as some stuff I’ve learned along the way:
Note: I am shifting around the order in which this article was written, moving sections around so the flow might not be as natural! Reason being I feel certain things are more important, others a bit rambly.
On Dec 18th I will arrive in Phoenix, Arizona to celebrate Christmas + New Years with family + PHX friends. If you’re in the area, let’s meet up!
Not sure what to do from there… With me learning Thai, I’m enjoying Thailand 50x more than last year when I first came here.
Also, I’m dating a really cool girl.. So I feel compelled to return to Thailand quickly after the holidays are over, in early January.
My heart still misses Bulgaria, well mainly my deep friends. Let’s be real, a lot of the aspects of Bulgaria are… Less than appealing to say the least.
However I have deep friends there, and our mentality is kind of “fuck the fucked up stuff, we’re awesome let’s have fun.” And those deep connections are SO fulfilling!
Sofia (the city) is extremely walkable, tons of nature, etc. so it’s great for living when combined with my awesome friends there.
It’s looking more and more like I WON’T be even TRYING to live in the USA, as I had written previously about.
I’m really just happy to be going to see my family + a couple close friends I have in Phoenix.
Plus USA is great for things like buying tech (Bulgaria + Thailand more expensive due to import tax or something), books, etc.
I know in my heart that I’ll know what to do next after I arrive in Phoenix. Will I stay and create a life there? Or swing over to L.A. and get a visa for Bulgaria? Or return to Thailand and live there? Or half Thailand, half Bulgaria for 2020?
I don’t know now, and that’s okay- my heart will know what to do when I get back in PHX, so I’m looking forward to it, but also sad that my time here in Thailand is again short-lived it feels.
Revisiting Original Intentions…
Why did I set out to live abroad, travel, and do the whole “digital nomad” thing?
As ridiculous as it may sound, even “world travelers” can get caught in a routine. Especially because being a “world traveler” makes me attract other such people, thus losing perspective of how wonderful this life can be.
Since returning to Thailand, and even a bit before, I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out on work.
Instead of just taking some time off to reflect and figure out what to do, I kept working, except in a non-focused way.
Something I’ve remembered recently is you must be “all in or all out.” Focus or not. Work and be productive, or don’t work at all- then celebrate and enjoy life!
So today, instead of derping on my typical routine, I broke it by driving to a temple far out in an area I’ve never been before.
It was beautiful. Being as it was farther out, there were almost no tourists. I got to kneel in front of the Buddhist Shrines without anyone else there but me. I felt a deep, powerful energy in bowing before it.
Walking around, I actually felt nervous. It was a nervous excitement. True travel is uncomfortable.
I decided to go to a new, random cafe after, even further out from my typical areas.
The coffee was incredible- a unique taste I never would have imagined. The beans were sourced from West Thailand. Thai coffee is amazing (probably the best), but no one realizes how amazing it is because many (if not all?) of the producers only sell locally.
I then decided to take the day off of work. I ate, met a very cute/awesome girl I’ve been seeing, and we spent the majority of the rest of the day being lazy.
Now I am doing some derp-work at a cafe at 22H / 10PM, but will get a massage very soon.
It’s been a really, really good day, and quite necessary.
Also, last weekend I visited Bangkok on a somewhat spontaneous adventure trip.
Forgetting… Then Remembering
I guess the monotony of the 9-5 can be had in this life too. In fact, it is equally as likely, because with no boss I can choose to work myself to death (which is all too easy an option).
When I’m stressed, I tend to become a workaholic (see: returning to Bulgaria 4 months ago).
But, I don’t need to work that hard. I need to be productive, not work hard. The two things are different. And too often, I’m working hard, not being productive.
I’ve been really derpy recently. Not really making progress or being productive. I’ve probably been derpy for months, if not years.
At least in the beginning I was hardly working but being productive, but now I’ve worked a lot more without the productivity. I have produced some things (ie. my website www.marketingtheuniverse.com), but it has been of little utility to me in the grand scheme of things.
I’m asking myself now “am I being productive, or busy?”
I’m also unplugging from my phone, avoiding social media, and preferring deeper social contact.
Everything is so fucking distracting. Everyone’s got something to sell but few can back up their claims!
I want to be a producer, but also live a great life.
The key thing is: a great life. And the ridiculous routines I’ve trapped myself in is NOT great.
I still haven’t visited the elephants after 4 months in Thailand for example. I have the time, I’m just not prioritizing everything perfectly.
I’m making sure that things are more quality in every manner.
For example, some of the former acquaintances I had here were dramatic or not near as deep as I would’ve liked.
I made a new friend recently, and we enjoyed a deep conversation and late night walk last night.
Oh, that late night walk was amazing. We walked down roads and discovered things we never knew existed in Chiang Mai.
I think part of the reason my work got so derpy was that I stopped living life to the fullest.
Remnants of a Lost Love
Actually, I think a part of my stagnation is still break up residue. I did a meditation provided by a friend which helped me heal a ton, and I moved on a lot, but I still am regaining my assertiveness.
That break up was awful, spanning across several months. I was too dependent on her, and probably vice versa. It wasn’t a healthy relationship, but like a heroin addict, the heart can’t help but crave.
I’m a much better person than before the break up, but there are parts of myself I’d still like to update.
For example, I feel that a lot of my time is not being properly optimized. I feel that part of my work boredom is that I’m not living a great life, thus I have nothing to work for.
From the outside I’m living a great life, but there are many vices I have, the biggest being phone-related (YouTube, social media).
Instead of doing what I did today- going out to see Buddhist Shrines & temples far away from the tourist zones and making myself feel truly excited, I’ve spent months and months on repeat, doing for the most part the same thing.
I can feel again in my heart a bit of pain about my ex. Just a little craving my heart has.
I intend to meditate on it, see what it has to tell me. Because I’m glad I’m moving on, and I have- just a few last parts of me need reconnecting with.
I feel grateful for life, and am actively practicing more gratitude.
I’m remembering that life is a choice to be happy. Now. You can’t always control circumstances, but you can control your attitude to an extent!
So enjoy the dance, because it’s all you’ve got until it’s over.
I’m rambling a bit on these first few sections, but the short version is this:
- I don’t feel I’m living life fully enough
- I’m feeling stagnate in work, and finally decided to cut back on my work instead of derp-working
- By doing exciting things + making deeper social connections (which I miss from Bulgaria) I’m feeling better
- I have some ideas to regain passion in work, or at least get things improving again, but for now I’m accepting the much-needed break and not forcing myself to do anything.
- By not forcing myself to work, I feel more productive. When I do work, I fucking work, and then DONE. Also, my mind is coming up with important ideas related to my work that I need to do.
Anyways, that’s all. I wrote these last few sections first but moved it to the last as I felt it was rambly. Most people don’t read all of this, so I wanted to make sure my upcoming travel plans were seen first, then other more relevant stuff!
What’s up with you? What do you think of all this?