The Wildest Train Ride… (Funny Story)

Me & my girlfriend finally found the time to adventure to Plovdiv, Bulgaria. Plovdiv is a magical, artistic city in Bulgaria.

In fact, it’s what brought me to Bulgaria!!! I had watched a video of the ancient theater in Plovdiv, but I thought it was in Sofia, which is why I ended up choosing to live in Sofia, Bulgaria.

This train ride has to be the most hilarious public transport story of my whole life. Literally a new funny thing happened every 5 minutes for 3 hours straight.

I hope my writing can convey the hilarity of this comedy. A movie could truly be made of this single train ride!

A Romantic Train Ride?

We hopped on the train, and our first goal was to find an empty cabin. We couldn’t at first, so we settled for one other person in the cabin (8 seats per cabin).

I decided to get up and search for an empty cabin. I found one. I ran back, grabbed my girlfriend, and quickly we secured an empty cabin!

But how would we keep the cabin all to ourselves?

The answer: KISSING!!! 

We had a busy morning at a church thing and had been longing to kiss each other all day.

Minus well hit two birds with one stone. Our thought was that if we kissed passionately enough, no one would dare enter the cabin.

Unfortunately our strategy was not effective…

Meet The Guests

Our first guest was a shy, anxious young guy. We hoped for no one else because he listened to music and looked down at his phone.

We continued our “avoid-people” strategy, and it worked for some.

Then we met the most entertaining guests of the evening…

Two young football (American soccer) fanatics entered. They shook hands with everyone, and were quite hyper.

Me & my girlfriend stole a glance at each other. Somehow we just knew this was going to be fun…

After that a fat lady entered and silently sat at the edge of the cabin.

Stickers n’ Vodka

One of the football fanatics was hyper-active, and couldn’t stop moving around. The other was a bit chill.

The hyper-active one kept walking in and out of the cabin, standing up, standing down, while the other appeared to get more & more tired.

Mr. Hyper-active promptly stood up, and started talking about football. He pulled out some rather interesting stickers for his football team, and started placing it all over the cabin. 

When I say “all over the cabin,” I mean literally everywhere. Within minutes this cabin was decked out to be a football cabin.

Mr. Chill pulled out a bottle of vodka and orange juice. Without hesitation glasses were pulled and the drinking began.

“Наздраве,” I exclaimed while giggling. This means “cheers” in Bulgarian.

Without hesitation he offered us vodka, to which we declined. Mr. Stickers (hyper-active) drank his vodka straight and continued to paint the cabin.

Gypsies, Gypsies, & More Gypsies 

After a few moments, we thought the fun was over. Sleep time! Nope.

After no more than 10 minutes, the gypsies started yelling. They clearly had no ticket, and were getting into a fight with the inspector.

They were in the cabin next to us. Despite the inspect leaving, the gypsies continued to stand out of their cabin and scream.

The whole train would soon be aware of gypsies on the train that were trying to ride free because of their incessant screaming…

Now, for my non-Eastern-European friends, “gypsies” might come off as offensive.

When I first came to Bulgaria, many of my friends said, “beware of the gypsies.”

I was offended at first, and quite honestly judged them. “That’s RACIST,” I thought!

Wrong. Time & time again gypsies are the only problems here in Bulgaria. If you’re walking down the street and see a gypsy, run away. If you hop in a taxi and it’s a gypsy, jump out.

I could write a whole post on my experiences with fucking gypsies here. I have to make this very clear for Western friends: gypsies are not Indians or dark-skinned people. It’s a specific class of people that for whatever reason are the biggest nuisance in Eastern Europe. If you come here, I will now give you the same “racist” advice.

The Fight: Football Fans vs. Gypsies (and a Lazy Police Officer)

The fighting & screaming continued. The inspector would scream, “THIS STOP YOU ARE GETTING OFF!”

And the gypsies would fight back! Because we were stopping at small villages, police were never able to get these damn gypsies off the train.

Part of me was nervous, whereas the other kept laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

There was a police officer riding on the train on a cabin near to us. The inspector tried to get his help, but he was too scared! 

By peaking out of the window of our cabin, we could watch the madness unfold as the gypsies put up the hugest fight to illegally ride on this train. It was comical.

All the while, our football fanatics talked about how much they hated gypsies (most everyone does here in Bulgaria for reasons such as this).

As soon as our football fanatics heard that the police officer was TOO SCARED to help the inspector, they jumped right into action.

Drinking vodka really does make you confident!

Our football fanatics exclaimed, “let’s go fight the gypsies!” They ran off, and me & my girlfriend started laughing.

I peeped my head out the cabin, and watched as they helped the inspector confront the gypsies.

They pointed and screamed and pushed, it was hilarious.

At the next stop, these gypsies got off.

While watching the gypsies get kicked off, I looked the other way. The whole train was all outside of their cabins. Everyone appeared relieved that these fucking gypsies were getting kicked off.

Finally, some rest! Oh but it was just the beginning…

Gypsies: Part II

Either not all of the gypsies left, or there were more hiding on the train. After perhaps 10 minutes of relaxation, new screaming began, at the cabin right next to us. 

I watched as gypsies & the inspector fought yet again. These gypsies know how to put up a fight and really leech off of society (they were riding free).

The inspector decided he would call armed police (oh Lord), and our football fanatic friends were too drunk or too tired to fight again. But the hyper-active one would occasionally step out to engage in helping.

The inspect decided to give up. We all sat in our cabins, enjoying peace.

Nope. Despite the inspector giving the gypsies a break, this didn’t stop the leader from screaming.

She stepped out of the cabin, and started screaming at random people.

Remember the fat lady sitting silently in our cabin the whole time? The gypsy lady decided to stop by our cabin, and start screaming at her for no reason. 

It was ridiculous. The whole train was beginning to hate these gypsies. Besides not being able to sleep she was picking fights with all kinds of people.

Finally at the next stop, the last of the gypsies get kicked off. The fat old lady leaves our cabin in addition to the silent anxious guy.

I laid down on my girlfriend, now finally I was hoping to sleep. We only had one or two stops to Plovdiv from Sofia, so the gypsy situation lasted basically the whole train ride!

Mr. Fatso Anti-USA

The next addition to our cabin was Mr. Fatso. It was me, my girlfriend, the football fanatics, and Mr. Fatso.

Mr. Fatso was a middle age, chubby Bulgarian. I didn’t need to understand him to tell he was a bit whack.

He instantly began criticizing the stickers everywhere to the cabin. He did not know Football Fanatics placed them everywhere.

The Football Fanatics did their best to not burst out laughing. They jokingly agreed with Mr. Fatso as he criticized the childishness of the stickers.

He stopped, sat down, and I was talking to my girlfriend about gypsies. I was talking about how labeling one group of people in the USA as “bad” is racist, but how here in Bulgaria gypsies really are the problem.

Mr. Fatso heard “gypsies” and thought he’d join in.

“Gypsies,” he mumbled angrily. I laughed and agreed, да gypsies…” 

He started ranting about gypsies. I couldn’t understand everything he was saying, but I just nodded and kept saying “damn gypsies.”

Mr. Fatso was saying something about how gypsies were a huge problem in Bulgaria, Germany, and the UK. I agreed (though I only have reference for Bulgaria).

“От къде си?”
 He asked where I was from. I said, “Аз съм американец,” or “I am American.”

#REGRET! He exploded, and I could barely understand what he was saying.

My girlfriend decided to not translate, and the football fanatics started laughing.

I nodded and agreed, and the football fanatics burst out in laughter.

Turns out he was talking about how USA caused all of the gypsies in Europe! Apparently it is all USA’s fault because of some bombs in Syria!

And he hated me! ​​

He kept telling my girlfriend to translate, so eventually she did. He was mumbling the weirdest of rants, about how gypsies were evil (I wouldn’t go that far but they certainly are a huge problem here), but also how gypsies were caused by the USA.

​​​​​​I looked at my girlfriend, and only needed to say two words:  “Лека нощ!” 

It means “goodnight.” I was done talking with this crazy guy. We giggled, I rolled over, and laid my head on her. I closed my eyes, but couldn’t sleep for the last 10 minutes because I couldn’t stop giggling. ​​​

This train ride was the most absurd, ridiculous, and hilarious comedy ever. A whole movie could be made about the absurdity of every moment.

We tried to study. We tried to read. We tried to sleep. We couldn’t. Gypsies, football fanatics, Mr. Fatso, and all kinds of other funny ridiculousness hit us at every moment. ​​​​

Plovdiv, Bulgaria

I’m now writing this in Plovdiv, Bulgaria, while my girlfriend studies across from me <3.

This was one incredible way to start a trip. What an adventure! What a train ride!

I hope for the ride back to either be filled with restful sleep, a romantic cabin all alone, or just as exciting on the way back.

We will see what happens. You can’t always can’t what you want, but you can laugh n’ roll with life no matter how loud the gypsies scream (or how much a weirdo hates your country).

Have fun!
-Michael​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

Me & my girlfriend finally found the time to adventure to Plovdiv, Bulgaria. Plovdiv is a magical, artistic city in Bulgaria.

In fact, it’s what brought me to Bulgaria!!! I had watched a video of the ancient theater in Plovdiv, but I thought it was in Sofia, which is why I ended up choosing to live in Sofia, Bulgaria.

This train ride has to be the most hilarious public transport story of my whole life. Literally a new funny thing happened every 5 minutes for 3 hours straight.

I hope my writing can convey the hilarity of this comedy. A movie could truly be made of this single train ride!

A Romantic Train Ride?

We hopped on the train, and our first goal was to find an empty cabin. We couldn’t at first, so we settled for one other person in the cabin (8 seats per cabin).

I decided to get up and search for an empty cabin. I found one. I ran back, grabbed my girlfriend, and quickly we secured an empty cabin!

But how would we keep the cabin all to ourselves?

The answer: KISSING!!! 

We had a busy morning at a church thing and had been longing to kiss each other all day.

Minus well hit two birds with one stone. Our thought was that if we kissed passionately enough, no one would dare enter the cabin.

Unfortunately our strategy was not effective…

Meet The Guests

Our first guest was a shy, anxious young guy. We hoped for no one else because he listened to music and looked down at his phone.

We continued our “avoid-people” strategy, and it worked for some.

Then we met the most entertaining guests of the evening…

Two young football (American soccer) fanatics entered. They shook hands with everyone, and were quite hyper.

Me & my girlfriend stole a glance at each other. Somehow we just knew this was going to be fun…

After that a fat lady entered and silently sat at the edge of the cabin.

Stickers n’ Vodka

One of the football fanatics was hyper-active, and couldn’t stop moving around. The other was a bit chill.

The hyper-active one kept walking in and out of the cabin, standing up, standing down, while the other appeared to get more & more tired.

Mr. Hyper-active promptly stood up, and started talking about football. He pulled out some rather interesting stickers for his football team, and started placing it all over the cabin. 

When I say “all over the cabin,” I mean literally everywhere. Within minutes this cabin was decked out to be a football cabin.

Mr. Chill pulled out a bottle of vodka and orange juice. Without hesitation glasses were pulled and the drinking began.

“Наздраве,” I exclaimed while giggling. This means “cheers” in Bulgarian.

Without hesitation he offered us vodka, to which we declined. Mr. Stickers (hyper-active) drank his vodka straight and continued to paint the cabin.

Gypsies, Gypsies, & More Gypsies 

After a few moments, we thought the fun was over. Sleep time! Nope.

After no more than 10 minutes, the gypsies started yelling. They clearly had no ticket, and were getting into a fight with the inspector.

They were in the cabin next to us. Despite the inspect leaving, the gypsies continued to stand out of their cabin and scream.

The whole train would soon be aware of gypsies on the train that were trying to ride free because of their incessant screaming…

Now, for my non-Eastern-European friends, “gypsies” might come off as offensive.

When I first came to Bulgaria, many of my friends said, “beware of the gypsies.”

I was offended at first, and quite honestly judged them. “That’s RACIST,” I thought!

Wrong. Time & time again gypsies are the only problems here in Bulgaria. If you’re walking down the street and see a gypsy, run away. If you hop in a taxi and it’s a gypsy, jump out.

I could write a whole post on my experiences with fucking gypsies here. I have to make this very clear for Western friends: gypsies are not Indians or dark-skinned people. It’s a specific class of people that for whatever reason are the biggest nuisance in Eastern Europe. If you come here, I will now give you the same “racist” advice.

The Fight: Football Fans vs. Gypsies (and a Lazy Police Officer)

The fighting & screaming continued. The inspector would scream, “THIS STOP YOU ARE GETTING OFF!”

And the gypsies would fight back! Because we were stopping at small villages, police were never able to get these damn gypsies off the train.

Part of me was nervous, whereas the other kept laughing at the ridiculousness of it.

There was a police officer riding on the train on a cabin near to us. The inspector tried to get his help, but he was too scared! 

By peaking out of the window of our cabin, we could watch the madness unfold as the gypsies put up the hugest fight to illegally ride on this train. It was comical.

All the while, our football fanatics talked about how much they hated gypsies (most everyone does here in Bulgaria for reasons such as this).

As soon as our football fanatics heard that the police officer was TOO SCARED to help the inspector, they jumped right into action.

Drinking vodka really does make you confident!

Our football fanatics exclaimed, “let’s go fight the gypsies!” They ran off, and me & my girlfriend started laughing.

I peeped my head out the cabin, and watched as they helped the inspector confront the gypsies.

They pointed and screamed and pushed, it was hilarious.

At the next stop, these gypsies got off.

While watching the gypsies get kicked off, I looked the other way. The whole train was all outside of their cabins. Everyone appeared relieved that these fucking gypsies were getting kicked off.

Finally, some rest! Oh but it was just the beginning…

Gypsies: Part II

Either not all of the gypsies left, or there were more hiding on the train. After perhaps 10 minutes of relaxation, new screaming began, at the cabin right next to us. 

I watched as gypsies & the inspector fought yet again. These gypsies know how to put up a fight and really leech off of society (they were riding free).

The inspector decided he would call armed police (oh Lord), and our football fanatic friends were too drunk or too tired to fight again. But the hyper-active one would occasionally step out to engage in helping.

The inspect decided to give up. We all sat in our cabins, enjoying peace.

Nope. Despite the inspector giving the gypsies a break, this didn’t stop the leader from screaming.

She stepped out of the cabin, and started screaming at random people.

Remember the fat lady sitting silently in our cabin the whole time? The gypsy lady decided to stop by our cabin, and start screaming at her for no reason. 

It was ridiculous. The whole train was beginning to hate these gypsies. Besides not being able to sleep she was picking fights with all kinds of people.

Finally at the next stop, the last of the gypsies get kicked off. The fat old lady leaves our cabin in addition to the silent anxious guy.

I laid down on my girlfriend, now finally I was hoping to sleep. We only had one or two stops to Plovdiv from Sofia, so the gypsy situation lasted basically the whole train ride!

Mr. Fatso Anti-USA

The next addition to our cabin was Mr. Fatso. It was me, my girlfriend, the football fanatics, and Mr. Fatso.

Mr. Fatso was a middle age, chubby Bulgarian. I didn’t need to understand him to tell he was a bit whack.

He instantly began criticizing the stickers everywhere to the cabin. He did not know Football Fanatics placed them everywhere.

The Football Fanatics did their best to not burst out laughing. They jokingly agreed with Mr. Fatso as he criticized the childishness of the stickers.

He stopped, sat down, and I was talking to my girlfriend about gypsies. I was talking about how labeling one group of people in the USA as “bad” is racist, but how here in Bulgaria gypsies really are the problem.

Mr. Fatso heard “gypsies” and thought he’d join in.

“Gypsies,” he mumbled angrily. I laughed and agreed, да gypsies…” 

He started ranting about gypsies. I couldn’t understand everything he was saying, but I just nodded and kept saying “damn gypsies.”

Mr. Fatso was saying something about how gypsies were a huge problem in Bulgaria, Germany, and the UK. I agreed (though I only have reference for Bulgaria).

“От къде си?”
 He asked where I was from. I said, “Аз съм американец,” or “I am American.”

#REGRET! He exploded, and I could barely understand what he was saying.

My girlfriend decided to not translate, and the football fanatics started laughing.

I nodded and agreed, and the football fanatics burst out in laughter.

Turns out he was talking about how USA caused all of the gypsies in Europe! Apparently it is all USA’s fault because of some bombs in Syria!

And he hated me! ​​

He kept telling my girlfriend to translate, so eventually she did. He was mumbling the weirdest of rants, about how gypsies were evil (I wouldn’t go that far but they certainly are a huge problem here), but also how gypsies were caused by the USA.

​​​​​​I looked at my girlfriend, and only needed to say two words:  “Лека нощ!” 

It means “goodnight.” I was done talking with this crazy guy. We giggled, I rolled over, and laid my head on her. I closed my eyes, but couldn’t sleep for the last 10 minutes because I couldn’t stop giggling. ​​​

This train ride was the most absurd, ridiculous, and hilarious comedy ever. A whole movie could be made about the absurdity of every moment.

We tried to study. We tried to read. We tried to sleep. We couldn’t. Gypsies, football fanatics, Mr. Fatso, and all kinds of other funny ridiculousness hit us at every moment. ​​​​

Plovdiv, Bulgaria

I’m now writing this in Plovdiv, Bulgaria, while my girlfriend studies across from me <3.

This was one incredible way to start a trip. What an adventure! What a train ride!

I hope for the ride back to either be filled with restful sleep, a romantic cabin all alone, or just as exciting on the way back.

We will see what happens. You can’t always can’t what you want, but you can laugh n’ roll with life no matter how loud the gypsies scream (or how much a weirdo hates your country).

Have fun!
-Michael​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​