By attempting to engage and live life, you will encounter a lot of people that try to give “advice.”
99% of it is bullshit.
Want to start an online business?
I bet your mom, random homeless guy, and best friend all shit advice for you.
Get into a relationship? Want to meet the one?
Ooooohh people love to give relationship advice.
Me & my girlfriend have both noticed that a lot of people like to give advice in our relationship, and 99% of it is bullshit.
It’s gotten to the point where it’s just plain annoying.
Everyone Loves Giving Advice
For most of the advice I’ve gotten in life, I had not first requested it.
I was once hanging out with friends at a cool place.
A random guy met me. I mentioned my incredible relationship, and he was so quick to tell me “things change.”
He didn’t get to know me, my girlfriend, or even listen in on the situation.
He heard “girlfriend” and “love” and the advice started without request like a disease.
Having done this song n’ dance before, I tuned out, and returned to reality after the blabbering was done.
This seems to happen again, and again, and again…
The Truth about Unsolicited Advice
Being curious, I began to observe the people that were giving this advice.
In this case, I observed that this guy was a fucking loser.
He wasn’t present in the moment, he slouched over, and he just gave loser vibes.
Through a bit more conversation, it became apparent that his life was a disappointment.
He never gave anything enough effort. He let life slip him by.
He was in his 30’s or 40’s, clearly single, unfulfilled, and lost!
I’ve also met people that met the love of their life. They connect perfectly, and are meant to be.
When I speak of my incredible relationship, they give positive advice about how amazing it will be, etc. etc.
While this is more pleasing to my ears, I realized that they too did not listen about anything in my relationship.
They have not met my girlfriend. They heard “girlfriend” and “love” and “the one” and projected their own life experiences onto myself.
I’ve met everyone in between.
The advice I will receive is becoming quite predictable these days.
People Project Themselves Onto YOU
What does everyone have in common?
They take their own life situation, and project it onto me.
If their relationship turned south, they negatively assume the same for me.
If they had an amazing relationship, they positively assume the same for me.
If they don’t believe in commitment, they assume we will struggle with commitment.
Instead of analyzing the situation for what it is, they take their own life situation and assume the same will happen to me.
There is no regard for different circumstances!
No wonder many people’s lives do not change. The unconscious assumption here is that the same will always happen with no regard to individual situations!
Thankfully I have friends that analyze every situation for what it is.
If you don’t, you are better off following your intuition!
Why People Project Their Lives Onto You Through Advice
A man that is a loser- a boy in a man’s body- will experience massive emotional pain by confronting this.
He unconsciously defends his failures by assuming the same negativity will happen to others.
He is quick to spread negativity because misery loves company.
People do not realize they are doing this!
This guy clearly wasted decades of his life. He could’ve met “the one,” had he been doing what he was supposed to be doing.
By assuming something “could change” in my relationship, he’s reinforcing his beliefs to avoid confronting the harsh reality that his life fell apart because of him.
He is not accepting responsibility for the damage he did to himself.
On the flip side, you have to be careful of the opposite: selectively listening to one type of advice and ignoring the rest.
Many people listen to positive things and advice as music to their ears, without confronting reality.
For example, many “spiritual people” obsessively think that the “Law of Attraction” literally requires 0 effort.
So they sit around on the couch, hoping for a million dollars to show up.
They take advice on visualization techniques because it is music to their ears. Rather than getting up and working while visualizing, they lay in bed all day.
In my case, it is dangerous to accept advice from any of these people.
No one cares. They’re projecting their lives onto me.
If I listen to “things change,” I may become anxious and start acting differently. The relationship could be harmed, and it would be a roadblock to becoming close and deepening our bond.
If I listen to “omg everything is magical,” I may get unrealistic expectations and set myself up for disappointment.
Even though the latter is music to my ears, I have to realize that it is not grounded advice.
Only I can make this decision. So far, my relationship is magical and is only getting better.
This is a conclusion I’ve reached without random people’s advice or even advice from friends.
Be careful that you aren’t validating insecurities or fantasies. In my case, I know I’m not, so I can easily disregard anything anyone says- I know what I know, and fuck everyone else!
How to Get Good Advice
1) Determine who the person is that is giving it
A homeless guy on the street is not qualified to talk about digital marketing. Someone who has never traveled the world is not qualified to give advice on world travel.
This is harder said than done. If you don’t know who the person is and about their life, they aren’t qualified to give you advice.
Investigate them. Ask questions throughout the conversation. If they’re a loser, I can almost guarantee you they’re going to have a “you can’t” attitude.
2) Ask yourself if you’re just looking for music for your ears
The homeless guy can be inspiring. A successful person can inspire you.
On the flip side of the above point, make sure you aren’t vibing with advice just because it validates your current belief system.
You see this a lot in politics where people on both ends of the left/right spectrum only listen to podcasts validating their own beliefs. They dare not confront that they might be wrong.
3) Did you even ask for advice?
If you didn’t explicitly ask for advice, then someone’s opinion doesn’t mean shit.
There are a few exceptions to this, but if you’re walking down the street and some fucker tells you “things change” in a relationship, they aren’t qualified.
And no, the guy that gave me advice doesn’t care for me. He was validating his own insecurities and pain.
4) Does the person understand the full situation?
The most hilarious thing about everyone that tries to give me relationship advice is that they’ve not even seen my girlfriend. They haven’t even let me talk about our relationship!
There’s always a trigger word that activates a knee-jerk reaction , like a belief-protection automation system.
For relationship advice, it’s usually the following: “girlfriend, love, the one, soulmates, commitment, trust, bond.”
Someone should have an in-depth understanding of your situation before they give you advice. It should be fresh, unique, and objective.
This is easier said than done, and you should always expect some tainting of the advice due to personal experience.
I’m sure I do this too, even when I try to be very objective.
5) Does the person have a vested interest in your following of the advice?
If they benefit directly or in-directly from you following the advice, you should be careful.
A direct benefit example would be financial compensation. Or, it could be that they get to hangout with you more (ie. sabotaging a relationship).
An in-direct benefit example includes protecting an unconscious belief pattern. Like in my first example, this person will not benefit no matter how my relationship goes.
He is clearly protecting a negative belief system.
Moving Forward: Non-Judgement & Silence
Don’t judge the people that are doing this. Don’t start fights.
Odds are you’ve done this at one point, and I’m sure I have too.
Let’s be aware that most people’s advice is bullshit.
But we have to apply this to ourselves too. We need to be better individuals, and stop giving advice for things we can’t help on.
We also have to observe ourselves and ask if we are only trying to validate our own thoughts/opinions/beliefs.
If you believe in Christianity, pick up a book on Atheism. If you’re an atheist pick up a book about being religious.
The most important thing here is to be objective to yourself in your own life.
In my case, I’m not taking one word of relationship advice.
I’m keeping things between me and my soulmate.
For everything in my life, I will first be following my intuition. It always knows best.
Analyze your own life for what it is. Keep what’s useful, disregard what isn’t, and grow what’s good.
At the end of the day, most people aren’t qualified to help you out.
It’s a bit scary accepting that most advice is bullshit, but it’s critical for you to become a fully matured adult.
We- that is, everyone that’s reading this- are not kids anymore. We are adults.
So listen to what others have to say, but only let it sink in if it’s applicable.
The hint here is that only you know the real answer. Objectively analyze your life, and deep down you will know what to do.
You know your life. So make choices for yourself (and get advice from the right sources!!!).