Alright, so I wrote THIS POST about a week ago. It sat in my “drafts” folder of the blog, even though it was completely written. I didn’t want to hit “publish.”
It makes me feel very, very vulnerable. Plus, it’s kind of a sad story to be honest, though I guess it kind of ends on a positive note.
Today I’m writing a much more positive story. Things are coming together in ways which are blowing me away. You’ll see today’s post tomorrow, and last week’s post today (if you click the link).
As I sat down to write the positive story, I realized that it would be completely fake of me to only post the positive stories. It would be inauthentic of me, un-truthful.
That’s not why I made this blog. This isn’t why I post anything for the world to see. I post to share the truth. Sometimes that’s riding motorcycles on Thai mountains living the dream life. Other times it’s eating banana bread while crying in a car.
So I’ll be honest: I don’t want to share this with anyone. I resisted pressing “publish.” I am resisting sending this Email. Writing this now? Resistance.
But it’s authentic. And more than anything else in today’s world, I think people need to be more fucking authentic.
Anyone can post a fucking smile or “happy story” on their social media/blog and pretend like the world is all sunshine n’ rainbows. It takes true balls to admit your weak points.
I also think it’s important for everyone to see that is also on their own life’s path.
I’ve posted a lot of dark, sad posts recently. One day when I’m super rich, healthy, got the girl, whatever, no one can call me fake. There will be THIS STORY to prove that I kept true to who I was.
MORE IMPORTANTLY, this story is supposed to reveal THE TRUTH.
The truth being that IT’S OKAY TO STRUGGLE, FEEL SAD, FEEL ANGRY, FEEL UPSET, AND NOT BE PERFECT.
And EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER BEEN SUCCESSFUL HAS STRUGGLED, AND STILL STRUGGLES IN SOME WAYS.
It’s easy to be fooled by the endless stream of bullshit on Instagram. Constant smiles, constant cool islands, cool mountains, epic parties, but pray tell, where’s the truth in these stories?
Where are the years of hard work? Where are the tears? Where is the pain?
It is the bullshittery which makes people feel inadequate and worthless. They compare their pain to the 2 second snapshots of “happy parties,” which are really a ton of people awkwardly sitting on their phones too afraid to socialize with each other.
If someone is genuinely successful, people feel small & envious by the snapshots of cool cars n’ hot girls. They don’t realize that successful people live highly “normal” lives. They cry. They suffer. They sometimes get super angry and scream obscenities.
I have now “traveled the world.” I have done what many people could only dream of. I don’t feel successful in any way, in fact far from my end goals, but to those that think I am a “great” based on my snapshots, this is for you: a reminder that I am indeed nothing, and that if you’re struggling, it’s OK because we’re all in this together.
So against this tense feeling in stomach going “nooooo,” here it is. Here is “Banana Bread Tears,” a story of how I very emotionally ate banana bread because it reminded me of a better time in my life I’ve struggled to let go of.