Category Archives: Finding Fulfillment

Good Research is Near-Impossible

In a world filled with endless information at your fingertips, you think that we’d be better off than ever- right?

I think it’s not true. Especially based on my experience with digital marketing.

It’s all too easy to forget how to properly research things. When was the last time you found yourself on the second, third, or even eighth search page for Google?

As I level up in life, I find that the questions I am asking are a lot more complicated than what a simple Google search can provide.

In fact what I’m discovering is that what you find on the first page of Google is triggering, useless, and completely unproductive.

It’s getting hard to do solid research. Proper learning still has to be done via the classic book-reading, or finding experts.

I don’t know if it’s always been this way for Google or not, but as my questions in life are becoming more complex, I’m discovering it quite difficult to find complex answers.

Keep in mind I’m not asking questions so absurd such as “what is the meaning of life” that we haven’t figured out for thousands of years. They also aren’t simple questions like “what does XYZ mean.”

One example of a recent thing I was trying to understand is the occurrence of white male – asian female relationships.

It’s been scientifically proven that this combination is popular, and often desired. It’s also a 2-way street- it’s not just “creepy men” desiring Asian women. The Asian women are doing the same. Believe me, I’ve lived in Thailand and had female Thai friends- for at least Thailand, white Westerners are certainly more desired by the local population.

But why?

This post isn’t about this question specifically, but of all the more complex questions I’ve had like this in life that Google seems to no longer be capable of answering.

For example, I’ve tried to research what it’s like to live in Vegas, why obesity is particularly high in the USA, and how to pick a solid home base.

The results are often triggering, useless, and massive time-sinks. Properly intaking solid information is now becoming less important than literally finding that information in the first place- and learning to disregard everything else.

SEO: Manipulation by Content Creators

With Google being a solid source for simple questions such as finding the address of a shop, locating a nearby yoga studio or bar, or defining a question or translating a word, it becomes easy to forget that Google (and all search engines) aren’t necessarily dependable for more complex questions.

As a digital marketer I’ve learned about something called “SEO.” This is “search engine optimization,” and it is the science of making your web page rank higher on Google.

For example, if when writing an article you include more of a certain keyword, Google’s bots will be more likely to rank your website higher for a particular search term.

You can also increase your SEO via a variety of other methods, one method being to have people spend more time on your website. This is why websites now are often filled with lengthy yet useless articles also filled with all kinds of pictures- it increases the length of time you spend on the page and thus increases their SEO.

The quality content creators are often geniuses in their respective fields such as psychology or science. The other content creators are focused on SEO and ranking higher because they are “gaming” Google’s algorithm to their advantage!

This creates a feedback loop. When your web page ranks higher because of SEO practices and not quality content, the creator is more likely to create SEO-focused articles and not quality content. Others start this as well.

Now we live in a day where many of the websites on the first page of Google for any search term are SEO-optimized, not quality or content optimized! You are discovering what is the equivalent of an online advertisement- NOT a genuine article.

Example: simply type in SSD vs HDD. This is a storage type on a laptop. The short answer is that “SSD is better than HDD.”

But the first article doesn’t say that. They write a lengthy, content-filled (yet for the most part impractical) article about all kinds of specifications and useless details that no one really cares about.

Even clear-cut research such as how much RAM you might need in a laptop is difficult because of these ridiculous SEO-focused articles that try to waste as much of your time as possible in order to rank higher on the Google search platform.

We can’t blame them or Google because that’s simply what they gotta do to get paid- so we have to take care of ourselves and realize that Google often sucks for more complex questions and make sure that we properly research or find the best sources for finding solutions to our problems.

The front page is often useless! In the example of me trying to research the white male – asian female combination all I could find were ridiculous articles of people triggered about this very real situation. I could only find one relevant video, but it wasn’t that useful.

In other research I’ve attempted, such as on sleep optimization, people fill articles with all kinds of generic fluff but the best information is difficult to access.

Reflective Walks are Better than Google

In many instances I am discovering that I learn less by hunting on Google than when I go for a walk in the city or around nature. I like to disconnect, turning off all stimulus and just go for a walk and let my mind do its thing.

Eventually my mind begins to quiet down, and I start to get reflective contemplations on things in life. I start to develop more creative, unique thought instead of repeating the useless jargon the mind repeats to itself.

Don’t get me wrong- I love Google and think it’s extremely powerful, and I am so grateful for it.

But sometimes for medium-level (or even high-level) problems or questions simply going on a walk has been more effective for me in discovering the solution. If it isn’t enough, then I often become a lot clearer in how I ask the question so I can narrow down the search criteria into what I absolutely need to solve the question.

The mind (ego) wants to get MORE information. It feels that it needs to understand and have a clear answer, especially as this is how low-level questions are solved.

For medium to high-level problems, this question for information often does more damage than it does good! This is because the articles on the first page (and even first five) are useless, triggering, SEO-focused articles that provide little value to you.

They often don’t solve a legitimate problem but instead just get you to read and engage with something lengthy. They get your click, your time, and then rank higher on SEO while all the legit articles fall deeper.

It’s much wiser just to let your own internal wisdom find the answer in a moment of silence…

Masterminds & Asking for Advice

Another avenue that tends to be quite effective is “masterminds.” They’re simple and super powerful for finding clarity. It’s simple.

You get a few friends, schedule a time to meet, and then meet in a quiet place where you can be undisturbed.

First one person talks for a defined period of time (ie. 2 minutes) about a specific problem.

Everyone must listen intently and take notes. Then everyone writes and creates solutions to the individual’s problem. Then everyone shares (one at a time, with one clear speaker at any given moment) their solutions or thoughts.

This continues for every member of the group, and it is an amazing experience. These are simple to organize and will give you some powerful insight.

Google is not intently listening to your specific problems! It can only take the search terms which you provide, whereas other humans can listen to a 2-minute speech on your problem. That is power.

You could also just ask a friend for advice, which is good too. But masterminds are better because you get multiple people’s advice at once and I’ve found that by listening intently to other people’s problems you get epiphanies on how to solve your own.

Learning How To Use Google

Another thing I’ve been doing recently is making sure I’m researching with the fullest capabilities possible. Google is extremely powerful- much more than a simple search!

For example if you put quotation marks such as “this” around a word, then Google will ensure that the article that pop up MUST contain this word. There may be other neat tricks I don’t know about.

Putting the “quotation” marks around words helps you find more relevant, detailed information, and I find that it narrows down the results list A TON. If you have 5-word search but your desired articles MUST contain one word, then Google will cut out all articles which don’t have that word- saves you a ton of time!

There’s perhaps more that can be done…

Curating a List of Solid References & Websites

Another thing which I’ve found effective is curating a list of effective websites for conducting research.

For example if I’m researching self-help I know that “Mark Manson” or “Steve Pavlina” may have the solution to my problem. If I need something more spiritual, I may include “” in the search as I’ve found this is an amazing website for spiritual-related content.

The key is to include the name of the desired website in your search term, or search for the content via the website. For example, maybe you Google “” how to meditate. Notice the quotations around the website- this ensures that Google only includes searches from THIS website. I can also search that website directly.

Courses & Paid Content

Courses and paid content still have the best information. More importantly, courses have a pre-curated list of content that you can access instantly.

Sure, you can technically “find everything online for free.” But you’ll get lost in all the bullshit on the internet as well.

Just paying for the content and saving yourself the time by getting a course which is content-packed with VALUABLE content is so much better and totally worth the spend.

Books- The Holy Grail

I still believe that books are the best source of information on Earth. Come to think of it, the vast majority of important things I’ve learned have been from a small list of solid websites, books, paid content, and then masterminds.

But books have been the key instrument in all of this. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for books.

Finding books is the most painful method of research because first you have to find the book, then you have a search through the book or even read the entire book in order to get your desired solution.

While the most painful & long method, I find it to be the most effective and as my questions in life becomes more complex, I’m noticing an innate desire for books over all kinds of other material!

Books are not SEO-focused. If they’re written right, then every page will be filled with or supporting some extremely useful content. Authors have little to gain by uselessly triggering you or wasting your time- it is instead in their best interest to provide maximum value on every page in order to get the best reviews possible!

Whereas on Google you are benefitted by lengthy, triggering, useless articles, on books you are benefited most by short, useful, and true + applicable content.

Improving Research to Improve Life

Alright so that’s all. I’ve just been reflecting today and realizing as I try to research various things online just how… ineffective Google and the other methods of today are becoming.

I’m all about improving my life as well as others, and Google is still epic- we just have to make sure we understand the machine and are using it properly! There is still some epic things we can discover on Google- for example it can be used to discover books on various topics.

Overall though we must be careful when using this platform because there are people writing SEO-focused articles that are gaming the Google system without providing real value to us.

Unfortunately Google is not yet capable of weeding out these articles, though I hope that one day Google will become more effective in its abilities so that it can provide to all of us for the better.

In the meantime conducting real research on any subject whether for entertainment or improving your life is still difficult, even with the advent of useful technologies like Google.

It’s important to do your research right, otherwise you may not find the desired answer- or worse get the wrong answer, but think that it is the right answer….


Thinking Bigger & Lifestyle Design

The great problem of thought is that it is often limited by that which is real and can be seen, felt, heard, or previously thought.

Take a moment, breathe, and listen to your thoughts to the next 30 seconds. I can bet with extremely high accuracy that your thoughts are not original; you had these same thoughts yesterday, and the day before, and the day even before that.

The way we perceive and organize are lives are often determined by our thoughts- and our thoughts are often created by other people or our environment, rather than truly unique and beneficial thoughts.

When you get into a certain “vibe,” you begin to experience a certain reality. The more you experience this reality and think about it, the more “solidified” and real to you it becomes- thus further perpetuating the reality.

Only now do I truly understand this. Me explaining it from the perspective of an “average person” would not make such a statement believable, so let me show you how it is become true for me and the implications of it.

The goal of this post is both for me and you to understand the limitations of thought & experience, and to find ways together to transcend our limited thinking so that we can create a better life we really want to live.

My Vibe, My Reality – The Absurdity of My Life From Outside Perspective

Earlier this year I relaxed in one of the top coffee shops in the entire world in Chiang Mai, Thailand. The coffee was some of the best I have ever tasted in my entire life. It was constantly packed and expensive for Thai standards.

I sat with my new friend from Finland. We shared stories from around the world, experiences in Thailand, and talked about relationships.

He had met an American woman, and they had near-instantly fallen in love. They video chatted from separate continents then decided to give it a go. So they flew across the world to travel together, and had been together passionately ever since.

We complained about some of the difficulties of our lives. Finding AirBNBs. Dealing with visas & currency exchanges. Finding WiFi to work from.

It dawned on both of us the absurdity of our conversation- it was good that we didn’t talk too loud, as the other patrons might have been offended as is often the case with those who complain about “first world problems.” And let’s be real, our problems are 0th world problems because we’re already in the top 1% of the first world.

You see, me and my Finnish friend, and his American girlfriend, we aren’t normal people. You already know why I’m “different.”

We are digital nomads. We work remotely while exploring the world. We live in cheaper countries to live bigger and save more, but also work on our online ventures passionately so that we can adventure to expensive countries as well.

Digital nomads do not typically have a “home base.” It’s quite normal for us to leave suitcases worth of belongings in different locations in the world.

At that day in the cafe, I had one suitcase worth of belongings with a friend in Sofia, another bag worth of clothes at a Bulgarian friend’s village, and the rest of my stuff in my parent’s home in the USA. “My stuff” was spread across three continents, and it wasn’t a big deal.

In the beginning of being a digital nomad, things were exciting and shocking. It felt like I had found the secret to life (as does every digital nomad). Suddenly you have the ability to be anywhere in the entire world, you can work from anywhere, you can work anytime, you can essentially create your life.

It is the epitome of the 4 hour work week. While the both of us were not quite financially successful, we had the ability to live a life freer than the majority of the world.

And there we sat, in one of the top cafes in the entire world, in Thailand, COMPLAINING!!!

The Self-Perpetuating Absurd Echo Chamber

I am often reminded when I speak to others about “what I do” of just how “lucky” or gifted I am to have this life. Actually, it isn’t that hard, but it is so different than most people can’t believe that it can actually be easy!

In the first year of this lifestyle, the difference in vibe and experience was so different that it was quite apparent to me how amazing it was to be able to live that life.

Throughout the second year, I had habituated to this way of life. It is certainly better for me than a 9-5 job or University path, but it is just a way of life filled with its own set of problems as well.

This life also doesn’t make me immune to normal people problems, such as relationship troubles. In fact it can amplify them- I spent a lot of my second year in pain over a relationship which ended.

Now here’s the point: me and my Finnish friend, and the rest of us “digital nomads,” live in such a vibe to where this is SO NORMAL that we often can’t even realize just how lucky or gifted we are!

It can seem absurd to most everyone else to complain about our problems, especially because on the outside a lot of the solutions seems to simple.

In the “digital nomad vibe,” it is hard to settle down because you are always craving more. You want a relationship but you also want to adventure and explore. You always want more experiences, and because you’ve had so many experiences it becomes harder to settle because you’ll always be acutely aware of the lack of any one place you are.

But in the “normal person vibe” the solution is simple: pick a damn city and settle there! Stop moving around. Build a life somewhere!

I am a digital nomad in this moment. And the longer that I spend in this vibe, the more solidified the identity becomes and thus the reality. After 2+ years of this, it’s become a way of living. It is normal to me, and I’ve disconnected from “normal ways of living” so much so that I can hardly fathom it, or relate to it entirely.

The “Vibe Blinders” & Conflicts Thereof

When you are on a certain “vibe,” you become blind to other realities. It becomes so normal for you to live and experience life in a certain way that you forget that there are other ways in which you can live. You get trapped to the very thing you jumped into.

This is why I gave the example of my life & my Finnish friend’s life. We are digital nomads and as absurd as it sounds have complained about problems that many people would love to have.

Living a life completely free to travel anywhere in the entire world has become so normal to us that we have disconnected from what it is like to have a 9-5 job somewhere like most people. Or to be struggling in other ways.

This is where the problem of a “vibe” comes in: you become “blind” to anything else BUT your vibe!

The digital nomad relates easiest to other digital nomads. We seem to find each other and “get” each other so much. This just reinforces our own reality.

Even if I am not around other digital nomads, the reality is still self-perpetuating. I can’t understand intimately the lives of my friends in Sofia, Bulgaria or anywhere. It’s simply out of my reality. It’s normal for me to be in airports, dealing with SIM cards and accommodation problems, and all these other things. It’s just my life.

Herein lies the problem with “vibes.” You develop “vibe blinders” and this creates conflicts because your problems also become self-perpetuating.

It was Einstein that said “we can’t solve a problem on the same level that created them.” But all too often everyone is trying to do just that!

Most people don’t believe that the digital nomad life or ANY other life is possible for that matter.

They are trapped in the vibe of the masses, which is to go to University, get a job, and then work and then retire. Not that it’s an inherently bad path, but it may not be ideal for an individual and there may be other lifestyle design for that person to do!

I recently met a beautiful girl- I’d love for her to be a part of my life. I hope that good things will come of it. She wants to travel and experience the world as I do. And to be honest if she can do it, then I may give up settling in a home base for a while and we would travel for a while.

But the problem is that this vibe is so far off from her current vibe that her “vibe blinders” prevent her from realizing just how easily possible it is.

It’s simple: get a remote job, travel. That’s it. I can teach anyone how to do it and within 3 months be location independent (assuming they also take massive action on what I say).

Let me restate this cleary: to ME in THIS VIBE, it’s EASY to work remotely while traveling. But she is in another vibe, and is blind to the fact that it is extremely easy and possible!

This is true of any skill or path which you want to take in life. I’m discovering more and more that things are really easy in life, especially if you pay someone to coach you or guide you.

You can learn how to be sociable, get girls (or guys for you ladies), create parties, travel, grow a business, whatever you want. The only problem is that your current vibe is in conflict with this and so you don’t believe it’s easily possible, and thus you don’t take action to create this reality.

I hope I explained clearly the absurdity of vibe blinders by using my own situation as an example.

To most people being a digital nomad and location-independent is absurd and completely out of their reality, and so when I show you just how “normal” it has become for me (and others) it should really outline the importance of recognizing vibe-blinders and what vibe you are currently in.

Restrictions in Thinking: Echo Chambers

When you are at a certain vibe, your thinking and reality become distorted in a way that perpetuates that reality.

You may be more fit for a certain type of life but you don’t even realize what is possible. You have been born into a certain life, had certain influences, and this created your thinking which sets the path of your life.

A lot of our thoughts in life is very non-original. It is provided by others and the situation we are born into.

“I am American and you are XYZ,” the proud American shouts, without realizing that humans are basically the same everywhere. And so does the Bulgarian, the Thai, the French- everyone shouts their country proudly as if it’s the only thing in the world, or as if there is some superiority to it when in fact there is nothing superior at all.

When you are in any vibe, this vibe often creates an echo chamber. I’ve switched vibes in different areas of life and this has become quite apparent to me now.

The digital nomad lives in such a way where they do not have a permanent home. They are struggling in certain ways. They are thriving in others. There are inherent problems and upsides, but it all becomes an echo chamber.

The same is true of the “beaten path” of University, 9-5, then retirement. When you follow that path, surround yourself with others on that path, and live that path then it becomes reinforced and you enter an “echo chamber.”

This is where the danger comes in: these echo chambers prevent you from switching to new, creative methods of thinking and being. You think in a certain way. You act in a certain way.

But is this productive to fixing your problems and creating the life you want?

Creative, Original Thought- Do We Have It?

It’s probable that creative, original thought is a rarity. I know for myself that the vast majority of my thoughts, as much as I’d like to proudly proclaim them as my own, are not from me.

My beliefs and experiences in location-independence and travel and business and all that are the direct result of the books and YouTube videos I watched. I simply picked up other people’s vibes and thought processes and started creating the same reality for myself.

Perhaps just 1% of thought is original. Or even less. Or slightly more. It’s hard to say, but it’s safe to say that most thought comes from others, your environment, and your biological drives (I’m hungry, I’m cold, I’m horny).

This is why most people follow the same path, and the hierarchy of life is shaped like a pyramid.

Most people don’t realize that they can consciously choose their influences, and so they just follow what everyone else is doing. They think that is “right” because everyone around them is doing it, so it becomes a self-perpetuating reality.

I’m sure that creative, original thought exists. Just way less than we imagine. It seems to come as an epiphany from silence, intense working out, or meditation in nature. Or when we “let go” from a problem.

The vast majority of other thoughts we can all agree on are not original. You have them day in and day out.

This is why books like “think and grow [you know this word, but I can’t type it because this Email might not deliver then thanks to Google’s spam detection]” exist.

The whole point of that book is to start thinking a certain way so that you can attract things to you in order to become more successful. It’s about taking conscious control of your thought patterns!

Unknown Unknowns

Now here is the problem of this whole vibe thing. When you have “vibe blinders” on, which we all do, your thoughts gets caught in an echo chamber and your reality becomes self-perpetuating.

This means that there are “unknown unknowns” outside of the loop you’re stuck in, and these things could help you meet unmet desires, achieve your dreams, and live the life you truly desire!

But how do you find these things? By definition “unknown unknowns” are difficult to discover.

For example, you may know that you don’t know how to cook. That’s an “known unknown,” meaning that you are certain that you know that you don’t know this.

Many people- myself included- have ways of thinking and opportunities that we don’t know, but we don’t even know that we don’t know them.

The problem then becomes that our life gets set by “initial conditions.” You are born into a certain reality. Then you embrace that vibe, as you don’t know anything else exists. Then you live a life based on this vibe.

Your life becomes dictated by the situations in which you were born into, things which you had no control over. Is that a life you want to live?

In the Hunt for Creative, Original Thought, Vibe, and Solutions

It was recently through a friend that I had an epiphany. I’ve recently been wanting to find more of a “home base” and start to relax instead of constantly traveling in the digital nomad life.

But the past week has actually been really awesome in Sofia, Bulgaria- and I’m kind of feeling inspired to travel again. The problem was that I wasn’t taking care of my social or dating needs.

It was an unknown unknown. I knew I had a problem, but I didn’t know what it was or how to solve it. This unknown unknown was causing a lot of pain in my life and the home base may not have fixed the problem.

Suddenly I’m feeling more self-confident, self-reliant, and happier. I feel like I can take on the world and go anywhere and be anything. Perhaps I could go back to Thailand, I think- or hell, I’ll be okay in USA also if I choose to live there.

An even greater epiphany which I had (as provided by a friend) was “fuck it why not have a home in all three locations?”

USA is awesome, Bulgaria is awesome, Thailand is awesome. Why choose? Why not just grow the business then have a home in each country and be completely free to choose?

Boom. Mind blown.

I was SO stuck on the “digital nomad vibe” or the “one home” vibe that it never occured to me that I could have multiple homes, or at the very least have a home in one place and then get a very fine AirBNB in another place.

The math behind it isn’t absurd either! The cost of getting a home base in Las Vegas or the Phoenix area would be roughly an extra $1,000 per month, perhaps a little less maybe a little more.

That’s just one extra client that I would have to close, and then suddenly I could have an awesome “main apartment” but my quality of life wouldn’t change at all if I wanted to travel to Bulgaria or Thailand.

The math is simple- close one more client. Easy. That can be done within 3 months. But why didn’t it occur to me earlier? Why was it so turbulent?

Well as I wrote earlier, it is the “vibe blinders” that prevented me from realizing that I could easily have multiple homes around the world, and have the best of all worlds.

Another thing which I realized was this: I love Sofia, Bulgaria for living but I’m also curious to live in the USA. Flights one-way from Vegas OR Phoenix to Frankfurt are quite cheap (less than $300 USD I think), and then one way from Frankfurt to Sofia is extremely cheap (like $50 or something).

I could easily have a home in both Sofia AND the USA, and switch between the two rather easily. Then take occasional 1-2 month vacations in Chiang Mai, Thailand.

Another epiphany that I’m having is that I could have multiple non-serious relationships around the world (ie. in Sofia, USA, and Thailand). And this way my dating life never suffers. Or I could meet a special girl that also would be motivated to live this life of freedom and adventure, and then BAM the need gets met anywhere.

The original motivations for having a home base have other solutions. My problem was that I could only think in terms of previous vibes that I had experienced.

Those two main vibes are: live in one city and create a life there, OR digital nomad life.

It is an entirely new vibe to have 2 home bases, or a traveling girlfriend, or multiple open relationships that fulfill my needs anywhere I go.

I think it would still be wise for me to have one main home base for other reasons, but as you can see by this writing I have discovered new solutions to a problem which I did not previously know.

The problem of a consistent dating life that the home base was intended to solve can be solved via other methods. The problem was “vibe blinders” preventing me from seeing it.

It is in the digital nomad vibe to struggle with dating because you always have to move due to visa regulations. I’m only allowed to stay in Bulgaria for max 3 months per 6 month period, for example.

Thinking Bigger & Lifestyle Design

The truth is that there are MANY solutions to our problems, but we are blind to the vast majority of them due to our vibe blinders. We exist on a certain vibe, but this same vibe does not solve the problems that exist on that vibe.

The way we think bigger is by making new connections, being open to new ways of thinking, and actively trying to reflect upon and discover solutions (ie. via dreams, meditation, journalling, reflection).

It is so key that we discover unique solutions to our problems otherwise “initial conditions” (that is, the life we were born into) will take over and we will never realize live an authentic life where all of our needs are met.

I am reconnecting recently with the idea of “Lifestyle Design.” That is, the idea that you can design your life exactly as you want.

One of the keys then becomes to define your life as it is now, and then define it exactly how you would like it to be. You can’t find solutions if you don’t know the problem. But once you know the problem, you can start to discover solutions.

Remember to try to search out new vibes though, and new solutions. For example, a more consistent dating life is something I would desire, and having a singular home that I live in is one way to solve that problem, but there are multiple ways to solve the problem.

I am discovering these other solutions by meeting others in different vibes, consciously reflecting, and taking care of myself the best I can (when you’re happy you become more creative).

We live in a Universe filled with infinite potential. We have foundations that we need to break.

There are creative solutions to problems, but first we need to define the problems and the desired outcomes. Only then can solutions come- but be open to new thoughts, both from yourself and from others.

Beware getting too entrenched in a certain vibe or way of thinking because then you may become limited. For example, becoming a “digital nomad” has become a normal vibe for me and it comes with its own set of problems. These problems can’t easily be solved on the same vibe.

There are many more vibes and realities than we can imagine! Living free is about trying to consciously design your life rather than letting initial conditions dictate it, as most people do.

When all else fails, think bigger. In my case this means considering that I could have “multiple homes,” or at the very least have one main home base but still be able to travel from there.

When you think bigger and consciously design your life, you start to already entered a mental state called “abundance.” You don’t solve your problems from scarcity and limited thinking. You realize there are many solutions and nothing is really that big of a deal after all.

Now, what will you create? What will you do? How will you live. Pick the path consciously because believe it or not, you have the power to create your life exactly as you want.


Embracing Balance for Growth

When I returned to Bulgaria from Thailand, I made a huge mistake- I neglected a big area of my life and sacrificed it in hopes of making progress in other areas of life.

My life in Thailand was much more balanced than it was when returning to Bulgaria.

In Thailand I would hardly work past 5PM, it was my rule to go out, hangout, date, have fun, whatever. I would also hangout with friends quite a bit in the weekend.

I made good progress on my business and dating / social life. Things were good- though I was curious to go back to Bulgaria.

When I returned to Bulgaria, I started to work longer and harder. My business goals are ambitious and I want to bring them to fruition.

In doing so I sacrificed a huge area of my life- dating. I stopped making it such a priority, and thought “I don’t need girls” and started working longer and harder. I neglected taking care of that aspect of life.

For example, I would work so long and hard until I burnt out, by which point I had no energy to figure out who to date or what to do.

This was okay for a month, but then it all started to snap after a while.

A week before last Thursday (9 days ago) something happened. I couldn’t work. It just wasn’t working. I decided to take a day to relax.

At the end of the day, my friend announced he was having a birthday party THAT day. He would pay for everyone’s meals, alcohol, everything so of course I couldn’t deny this. Not to mention I was working too hard- it was the perfect release.

We partied into the night, smoked, drank, and ate. It was a great celebration. I slept in on Friday.

On Friday I had many obligations to take care of, and work got kind of pushed aside. I was also having problems with a laptop, so work was already getting slightly delayed.

Somehow this problem compounded over the weekend, and the last week was one of my least productive weeks ever.

Only now am I realizing that I was slightly a workaholic, as observed by a previous post I wrote about trying to optimize my energy and focus ability as best as possible.

I neglected one huge aspect of focus and hard work- the other side of the coin!

I was treating myself like a soldier, trying to work so hard and keep pushing pushing pushing but I wasn’t allowing myself to release. It was a lonely way to live.

Many of my friends back here in Bulgaria weren’t productive for my growth either. Many are still trapped in their same problems and habits. I really could only care and want to be around my best friends back here- I realized that having such a big social network here wasn’t so useful.

Recently I started going to events, parties, and stuff like that as I was also inspired by a new friend which I made via a mutual friend. It’s been incredible.

It made me realize that again I was missing balance- like in Thailand. I was burning out on work, spinning my wheels but not really going anywhere!

The thing which I didn’t realize when I wrote that previous blog post was that you really do have to acknowledge the yin/yang of life.

Many of the most successful people in the world (think Charles Darwin, for example) would only work 5 hours per day. The rest of the time they spent enjoying their life, going on walks, doing whatever they want.

In my case I was neglecting my social and dating needs in order to charge forward on work. You can only do this for so long!

Now that I’ve started dating again and going out with girls, my mental health has improved tenfold (probably by an even greater factor).

I’m just so much more relaxed, confident, and happy. I don’t feel so stressed and in a need to find a home base NOW.

In fact, the relaxation has allowed me to achieve so much more! I’ve fixed my broken laptop, cleaned/organize my apartment, upgraded my style, met all kinds of cool people, and more.

It’s even allowed me to relax on the whole “home base” thingy. Before I was writing so intensely and so worried about “where should I live.”

Should it be Thailand? Bulgaria? USA? Somewhere else? Once again I am relaxed, and okay with the flow. In fact, I’m even okay if I have to travel again.

I’m starting to believe in myself again. My “vibe” is raising.

The problem back here in Bulgaria (which was simply “hidden” in Thailand) was that I didn’t believe in myself. For some reason I stopped believing that I could easily attract girls and social situations, and I made things harder on myself.

What I’m discovering is that things are… the same. In a way. It’s just as easy to go on dates here as it was in Thailand, it’s just that the method you go about it is different.

For example in Bangkok tinder is super easy for white guys with blue eyes like myself. That doesn’t mean here in Sofia dating is harder- it’s just that the methods are different. Instead of using Tinder to meet girls you can simply go to an event, and it’s surprisingly quite easy.

And because I’ve been relaxing and trying to enjoy things a bit more, I’ve been meeting girls/people in unexpected places. I met one girl at one of my most favorite hangout places.

She was pretty, we looked at each other, somehow we had an instant connection, started talking, then decided that we should go out. Perhaps it was even easier than in Thailand.

Here’s what I’m learning: where you go doesn’t matter so much, it’s more-so about what you’re doing wherever you are.

If you move abroad and then decide to suddenly start living authentically and dating whereas in your previous place you were not, then of course you will love the new place and not enjoy the previous!

The opposite is true as well- you won’t like any place in which you restrict yourself, consciously or unconsciously, because what you really need is not so much a place but a way of living.

What I’ve really learned since returning to Bulgaria is the key importance of balance, and especially socializing. It’s not hard to meet anyone, but you have to put in the work to find some events on Facebook or whatever and then start saying “hello” to people.

It’s actually really easy! The hardest part is the 5 minutes it takes to find the events and figure out the directions to the event. Once you have that figured out, it all becomes really simple.

Why do we complicate things so much in our mind? I work with Facebook Ads, and I see that many if not all clients are completely complicating the matter.

But the same is true of our personal and social lives. Dating is made to be so complicated when it is in fact so simple. Same for living.

The key thing I’ve learned here is balance. Work hard, sure. Make sure you get your solid 4 hours of focus work per day done. But then enjoy life because you aren’t alive to work, you’re working so that you can enjoy the best life possible- right?

I suppose everyone falls on a different range here. Some people work too hard, some people not hard enough. Or sometimes you may lack in every area.

Make sure that you’re working hard 4-6 hours per day, but then make sure that you’re “playing hard” and having a great social/dating life for the rest of the day. Or pursuing hobbies or passions or whatever it is you want to do.

What do you need to improve on? The rest of the post will be more journal-style focusing on me but you’ll learn a few things if you continue to read.

Personal Growth from This

I’ve just rediscovered this side of myself. It’s causing me to believe in myself more.

You see when I first started “traveling the world,” I kind of- kind of– had this figured out.

I was all about the “4 hour work week,” so I made sure to focus hard for my work but then go out and have fun. When I had just started traveling I had gone through half a year of really hard work to get my business going, and then I was going through a period in which I was more-so prioritizing socializing and whatnot.

Whenever I landed in a new city, I made sure to set up social events and things to do. I really prioritized meeting people.

In Montreal I said “yes” to everything, and joined a self-improvement group. This brought me many friends which I met and could hangout with. In London I stayed in a hostel and met a friend that lived there.

In Belgium I met an awesome girl I met in Montreal. In Budapest & Sofia I joined the same self-improvement group, but for the local cities.

Something changed in me sometime in Bulgaria that first time around. I got into a relationship and became so attached to that. I ignored many of the HUGE red flags in her. And to be fair she did the same also.

When my visa finally expired and I had to leave for Cyprus, I wasn’t so motivated to meet people and take care of myself. I just wanted her, which wasn’t healthy.

It led to me staying with her despite MASSIVE boundaries being crossed, that involve life or death. Cheating would’ve been preferred to what happened. If I could go back and do it all over, I would’ve broken up immediately while I was in Cyprus. It would’ve saved me a ton of hassle, and her as well.

That’s when a downward spiral started for me. You see, the problem is not that she crossed the boundary. People can do whatever they want. It’s up to you to withhold your own boundaries and take care of yourself.

In a guided meditation with a new awesome friend yesterday, I realized at least 90% of the pain I feel isn’t even from her. It’s the fact that I stayed 4 months longer in that relationship and gave so much when it was a no-brainer to walk away. Even after we broke up I chased her sometimes- why?

The reason for this was due to personal issues. Perhaps not feeling worthy of love, or something like that. I’m still meditating and going deeper and deeper into the feelings, learning what it is, and healing.

What I just wrote may sound like a complete 180 from the topic of balance, but it is through balance that I started to have these epiphanies. I met people, girls, and new friends that helped me understand this.

I realized that A LOT of my unhappiness in the past year was not caused by her or even travel, but from the simple fact that I was not taking care of myself and finding balance.

I had always been too focused on meeting girls, OR partying, OR doing business, OR health, OR something. The key word is here “or,” not “and.”

Anytime I lacked something, I would sacrifice everything I had to attain that thing. Then I would lack the thing which I sacrificed to obtain that other thing.

When you sacrifice something to attain something else, you attain that thing much faster than if you had not sacrificed that original thing.

For example, if you’re in a (happy, let’s say) relationship and you start working 12 hours a day your partner will likely not be fulfilled. They will feel neglected and the relationship will dissolve because you’re not investing time into them.

Well one day you’ll have all kinds of financial abundance, but at what cost? You lost a relationship. Then you’d have to go find a new relationship which is just a waste of time because you already had something successful!

The same is true, inversed. You shouldn’t sacrifice your business and health to go pick up girls 8 hours a day. Which I’ve done, by the way.

Self-Belief and Happiness in Balance

What I’m discovering by finding this balance in my life and taking care of my needs is that I’m believing in myself A LOT more. I feel significantly more authentic and “okay” with everything.

If you dive deep on ONE thing, you can go fast on that thing. But if you live a diverse and rich life, then you can go far in everything. Do you follow?

In the short-term you can tackle your wealth, your health, or your dating, or whatever, and you can make a ton of progress, but it’s a lot more wise to tackle these things in such a way that it is sustainable long-term because then you’ll make true, long-term progress.

For example, I hustled a ton in the past couple months, but with hardly any productivity in the past week (I’d say I had at most 3-5 hours focused work, and even that is high) I undid a lot of the progress I made.

Had I just worked a little less, I could’ve handled my social life, and then I’d probably still be at the same place as I am now except with some balance between dating, socializing, parties, AND business. Instead I fucked up a lot of the sales progress I made in this past week. Luckily my new client has been understanding, but that may not be true of the next deal I close.

Back on track:

I’m believing in myself a ton more, in every which way possible. I realized another key just now:

When you focus on one area obsessively, it’s kind of like saying you don’t believe that you can achieve it. Instead of chasing it from passion and joy, you’re chasing your goal from a neediness which screams “I need this now,” or “I don’t believe I can have this so I’m going to suffer and sacrifice in my best attempt to get it!”

And usually, it works. You do get it. You do succeed. And thus begins the never-ending cycle of lack of fulfillment because you believe that in order to succeed you have to sacrifice, and so you constantly sacrifice other happy points in your life to get other happy points- the net positive remains the same!

I’m finding that I believe in myself a ton more now in every area of life because I learned that “yes, I CAN have it all. I just have to put equal weight on every area of my life.”

I also discovered that my self-belief & confidence with women went down slightly when working like a workaholic. Suddenly it became a special, new event to go on a date, rather than a way of living.

Now that I’ve had the past week filled with dates, I’m relaxed- I’m calm. It’s okay, everything is alright.

Relaxation & Implications for My Home Base

And in taking care of myself, I find myself more relaxed. As you would, also.

With new (amazing) friends, pretty girls I have the opportunity to meet, and a better daily flow I simply feel more relaxed and fulfilled on a day to day basis. I woke up today feeling “chill” if you will. I’ve got things to do, but it’s okay- one step at a time, you know?

My “mission” for the past week was to NOT think about my “home base” or where I should live, as this had been a source of anxiety for me. I was so focused on the “place where I can feel like I belong,” that I neglected that I could find my people HERE AND NOW.

While I still don’t know with certainty where I’d like my temporary home base of a year to be, I’m totally okay with that now. It’s alright.

In fact, I previously alluded to the fact that I might be totally okay remaining a digital nomad for a little longer.

I’m not sure how true that is, but in this moment, more socially fulfilled, I am okay with the prospect of it and also okay with wherever my “home base” ends up being.

There really is pros/cons everywhere, so I’m deciding to slowly experience places and then live somewhere. Anyways, it probably won’t be forever anyways, so minus well go with the flow.

By taking care of my social needs and living in a more balanced way, I am finding that I am more naturally fulfilled, and actually excited with life itself.

It’s EPIC to live in Bulgaria, USA, or Thailand, or anywhere for now. The desire to have a primary home base is still there, but it’s less of a need and more of just that- a desire that will be fulfilled with time.

Ultimately living more balanced allows you to be okay with the journey because you’re meeting your immediate needs immediately, and then tackling a long game as well.

Sacrificing anything- for example health, wealth, or your social life, leads to short-term massive progress but really fucks you up and prevents you from going above and beyond.

I’m noticing for myself this more balanced method of living gives me more inspiration, relaxation, and “okay-ness” with the flow of life. The problems that are long-term are less urgent and I’ll be okay either way. I’ll be okay in any home base, as long as I live like this, anywhere.


Repeating Childhood Trauma

Is it true that we really repeat our childhood traumas over and over throughout our adult lives?

For the past year, I have recently become to believe this is true, both in my observations of my parents but more importantly myself.

This post will be focused mainly on myself but you can easily apply the reflections to your own life.

Healing it is something I’m not entirely sure how to do, but I am certain that it is possible. It’s just a matter of navigating said path and transforming yourself into a person that is free of the trauma.

The childhood trauma could be anything. In extreme cases people that have extremely abusive parents tend to have extremely abusive partners that also treat them the same.

The theory is that patterns we have learned and experienced in childhood become patterns that we unconsciously get drawn to in our adult lives because we are attracted to what is familiar.

The Destined To Be Lost: The Cause

Growing up I suffered from a sense of “not belonging” quite often. I felt like an outsider.

I’m not exactly where this came from. Perhaps being the first born makes you feel like this especially when my parents had to be busy with something. Maybe it was unconscious energy passed down from generation to generation.

Or it could even just be “bad luck.” I remember one girl saying I was “weird” when I was about 4 years old, and that stuck with me for quite some time. I always felt a bit “weird.”

In reflection I don’t think I was that different (if at all) but more so the problem was the bad luck in who I was initially surrounded with. We are all dealt cards early on in life, and never are these cards fair!

Growing up in my childhood became more difficult with a series of moves that were made.

In the 6 years of schooling before middle school, I went to four different high schools. One switch was due to a move of homes, but the other two were simply due to the ridiculousness of Omaha’s changing development.

Each time I made friends in one school, I was destined to lose them and say goodbye. Sure I had some stable neighborhood friends (thank goodness), but never did I have a group (as a child) for long in school.

I went to Katherine, Rower, Reeder, and Reagan Elementary schools. The first two I spent one year, and then two years in Reeder and two in Reagan. I believe it was even worse it happened like this because I was younger for Katherine/Rower schools, so the transition was more difficult to deal with.

By the time I was in middle school I felt like an outsider and associated myself with those. I spent too much time alone. I was angry and in grief often. I felt frustrated. I felt disconnected and alone.

Worse yet I had unconsciously embraced the identity of being “different” and “weird.” The bullies like vultures smelled this and used me as their punching bag.

On one occasion at least 20 kids created an elaborate plan to trap me and attack me. I tried to leave school on one hallway where 5 kids blocked. Then I tried another where another 5 blocked it. So there was only one exit to go down- where 10 kids waited outside and they all got me.

No wonder that in America we have a shooting problem with such cruelty. Little kid me was angry and it weren’t for video games and athletics, I would’ve lost my mind (let’s be real, I was already losing my mind and filled with violent, deadly RAGE).

If it weren’t for inspiring YouTubers I started to watch that promised me a better future, I likely would have crossed over to the dark side because I would’ve believed that all there is to reality is that.

In High School I improved but only by a short margin. I felt like an outsider and felt broken by this point.

When I finally got a girlfriend, we had to break up because I was moving to Phoenix.

Did this set the stage for my adult life?

Reflecting on the Past 3 Years

It’s scary to see the similarities between my childhood and the past few years. Don’t get me wrong it’s 100x better (no, tens of thousands of times better) but there’s one recurring theme:

The Outsider. The Traveler.

I’ve often felt like an outsider in many countries, and disconnected from my own country. I’ve struggled to find a place that felt like home, except when in love with my ex.

Perhaps it’s not the place anyways, but the people you are with?

Regardless, I’ve been addicted to travel and it felt like I lost a bit of control over it in 2018. Even now it feels hard to get a grip sometimes.

I know logically that I need a “home base,” but now I’m at a point where I’ve traveled so much that it’s super difficult to imagine staying in one place for even 6 months straight nonetheless a year or years!

Only recently have I considered that to solve this problem I must go inward- instead of going outward. The problem isn’t outside me. It’s inside me. I unconsciously choose all of this.

Every time I start to adjust to a place, it seems I have to go because my visa expires. Or something happens. Or I already have bought a flight.

When I finally felt some peace in Bulgaria in mid 2018, my visa “expired” and I had to get going. That was the longest I ever spent in one place (about 6-7 months) in the past 2.5-ish years.

That moment felt cruel because I had a girlfriend… But we were both young and each other’s firsts, we had no maturity or capability to handle the problems that were tossed our way.

Was it a surprise that we broke up? I could hate her for her faults and myself for my faults, but as I reflect on it more and more I feel compassion for both her and me and us as it were.

Every relationship has problems but fighting visas and money and immigration all at the same time dulls every strong flame. At least in a dramatic argument there is passion and fire and make up sex. But there is no such passion with paperwork and long distance suffering.

Alas, it is so. I am in many ways held bondage by this past identity so unconscious that it took me years to realize it.

I am unconsciously sabotaging my own happiness by traveling, but now I’ve dug myself in so deep that settling and building a home and building a real life seem so far out of reach!

Should it be in Sofia, where I have the most friends and life is walkable and good? Or should it be somewhere where people speak English, and that’s better for my hobbies and business?

In any case, I must break the “outsider” and “traveler” identity. Already in Thailand I let go of the former, and told people I LIVE in Thailand and that I’m MOVING to Sofia. I LIVE in Sofia now, and NOT TRAVEL through it.

The outsider is harder to break, for it has deeper roots, and is the core issue which led me to aimlessly wander in the first place.

Breaking the Circle of Suffering

Through reflection and awareness, already I can feel the patterns of the past dissolving. You can only get more of what you have by doing what you’ve always done, so I intend to take different action to get better results.

At first, my goal was to have a home base by March or so of 2020- but as I feel a detached neuroticism taking over me again, as it did in December of 2018, it becomes ever more apparent that I locate this place to call home “ASAP.”

Unconscious Pain, Re-Manifested Repeatedly

The way that I realized this is I spoke with another long-term traveler digital nomad friend- we met in Bulgaria, traveled to different continents, then met again in Southeast Asia.

What I realized was this: we both likely suffered CPTSD as children, and were repeating it in our travels!

PTSD as you know is a singular traumatic event (ie. getting robbed and beaten) that causes significant emotional distress.

CPTSD (or complex PTSD) is repeated, subtle to mid level trauma (or high) over a period of years.

For example, getting bullied in middle school severely and constantly switching schools and losing friends was not as traumatic as war to me, but a state of little periods of stress that kept re-manifesting over and over.

Every day going to school felt like war. I identified as a soldier in a way, never certain whether I’d enjoy a day of peace or this way the day I got pushed around.

This type of stress creates a state of depersonalization, derealization, and feeling of detachment as the consistent stress begins to wear on you. You get accustomed to the constant pain, it becomes the norm but in it becoming the norm you lose yourself to detachment.

Me and my friend both realized that we were entering states of detachment again- when you know you’re gonna be leaving a place, what’s the point in connecting with people?

In the beginning I had no such problem. I connected easily in Montreal, Budapest, Belgium, London, and Sofia. But after I left Sofia that first time (likely because of a strong relationship attachment) it all began to feel meaningless.

I was leaving Cyprus, so what was the point of connecting with anyone there? Instead of engaging with life, I detached from life. Of course if you’re somewhere and you’ll leave there is still a point to engaging with the people there, but the problem is the sense of detachment prevents you from doing exactly what you need to do to be happy.

Travel has likely re-induced a subtle state of CPTSD to me and my friend over and over.

Where will you work? How will you meet girls? How will you make friends? When will you say goodbye? Where to eat? Where to workout? How to get around the city? Jet lag? Client calls? Visas? Immigration?

Me and my good friend are highly adjusted to states of constant stress. In some ways this makes us powerful. Drop me randomly in any city in the world and I’ll find a way to get by (well maybe not North Korea or ISIS-held areas please).

The Key is in Perpetuation…

But the problem becomes that the ENERGY wants to PERPETUATE itself! When you are happy you want to share that energy. And when angry, you wish others to be angry too!

So we’d adjust to stress better than most, but the problem is that we find ways to perpetuate it at the same time.

The problem would be that if you dropped me in a random country I’d probably unconsciously decide to go explore all the countries around it in an unsustainable fashion such so that this CPTSD energy keeps living on within.

We wouldn’t relax when we have a girlfriend, job, and stable life in the new city. We would claw for more.

Releasing and Transforming

This is why I’ve been believing in a lot of transformational stuff recently. The fact is that “I” am not capable of achieving “XYZ” because “I” am not someone who HAS “XYZ.”

You have to become exactly that which you want to receive- transformation must take place in order for change to happen, otherwise you will perpetuate the past.

I can’t say with certainty how to release the shackles of the past, but via meditation, conscious action, and reflection, I feel that it is possible.

Ultimately it also takes place in the present moment. I am choosing to feel belonged, and choosing to enjoy each moment as best as I can. What other choice is there?

Finally in each pain there is a positive.

In becoming an outsider, I thought independently and realized that success was incredibly easy to achieve. Most people are chained by the shackles of others. I am chained by a shackle nonetheless, but at least I got to live an epic past 2 years.

Ultimately no shackle is worth holding onto, it is against the essence of true freedom!

So I intend to release my shackles, break the cycle, and redesign my life and fulfillment as I see fit instead of letting the past run me.

And you can do this, too 😉



Embracing Internal Abundance & Gratitude

The ego is never satisfied. Quickly it habituates to each new level achieved, and forgets the beauty of the present moment in favor of a better future.

It never ends. It doesn’t matter if you have the power to live anywhere in the world, or be financially free- It. Never. Ends.

Years ago when I first started working on my goals, I found myself compelled with intention and action.

When I wanted to meet girls, I went to malls to meet girls- alone. I worked passionately on my business and had a clear vision for what I wanted the future to look like.

At some point, I forgot this. And likely it is so that you have forgotten this as well.

The paradox of achievement is that with each new achievement you lose a bit of your purpose.

If it is your goal to become great with women, but then you get a girlfriend, then by gaining a girlfriend you lose out on the excitement of hitting the clubs with your friends in hunt of a pretty face.

Two steps forward, one step back. If you’re not careful, two or three steps back.

At some point in all of this, as I sit here in a cafe in Bulgaria drinking a cappuccino without checking the prices, and ordering completely in Bulgarian, I have forgotten to measure just how far I’ve gone and more importantly what I’d like to do next.

The ego is quick to point out all of the desires and things I have not, but what of the things I have done and have now?

Is it not wonderful that I can speak enough Bulgarian to order, and am I not blessed to live in a cheap country abroad?

At some point the passion turned to dullness. The joy of routine became the mundane of routine. Desire took over, pointing out “wants.” A gap between the next goal and this moment was created, and in this gap I lost all my happiness.

It is sometimes useful to reflect on the past realistically. 3 years ago I had chronic pains, wasn’t working out hard, was a virgin, never had a super deep relationship, had no independence, didn’t live alone, was struggling to make sales online, and lacked self-esteem. In some moments I was suicidal.

Now I’ve been to Bali, lived in Thailand and learned enough Thai to order my food in Thai, to avoid the “foreigner fees” because I spoke enough Thai, lived in Bulgaria, fell in love and lost (but it’s better than nothing), and so much more.

Somehow in the process of all of this though I lost a bit of myself. My conscientiousness. Only now am I reclaiming this.

The first time in Montreal I was careful with my cash, on some days fasting across unnecessary meals and then eating $1 mac n’ cheese so that I could save up.

Somehow in 2018 lifestyle creep started to eat me. I lost myself in the joys but gave up some of my conscientiousness.

In the end I was always improving, just in different metrics. The total sum is going up but in some ways I have lacked.

The biggest lack I see in myself and others is that we forget to embrace internal abundance & gratitude and we forget to stick to our roots.

It is through the law of attraction that greatness came to me, not through a needy craving for more wealth or more girls. I met my ex only after an intuitive sensation that I would spend more time in Sofia.

Today, and the more recent days, I have been trying to reconnect with some of these roots.

For example, “Reality Transurfing” and “The Science of Getting Rich” has been two of the most powerful books I ever read in my life on manifesting goals. I’ve been reconnecting with these mentalities and beliefs, and already “remembering” that I can choose to be happy- right now.

Instead of walking to my work this morning with a sense of needy desperation for new clients I embraced the beauty of Sofia, expressed gratitude for all the scenery and experiences, and played some positive scenes in my mind.

My thoughts sometimes can become so negative. Why? It is as if it is programmed by another person!

I chose instead to play some positive “slides” or visualizations in my mind, of people respecting me and girls checking me out. Instantly I felt better, a good energy uplifted me, and I caught the eye of the prettiest girl in the cafe.

I feel that success and growth changes you- in the end you are a net positive, but there is a core part of your past that can be too easily lost to the past.

I’m better, I won’t deny that. I would never, ever go back.

I’m just saying that even though I’m better, there are key things in my past that I have forgotten to take with me. There is now a “remembering” taking place.

The passionate fire of the past must be integrated into the maturity of the present moment.

When I was 18 I recall going to the party streets of Phoenix to meet girls and practice my social skills. In one instance, me and some friends were kissing girls on the street.

Even in Sofia, before my ex, I had done this on the main walking street in the evening! I had approached a girl with such charm we kissed then and there, and hung out later.

Now I am a better man, and girls can sense that, but in some way I’ve forgotten my passion to take action and face rejection! I do not go out to meet girls alone so often as I did in the past.

It scares me less, but it still scares me the most of all that I do.

And is the same for my wealth- my skills are better, but there are actions and habits I have forgotten from the past.

Now is better, but there are integrations to the past that must be done.

Ultimately too you must become grateful for THIS moment, present to THIS moment, and enjoy everything as it is. You have already come a long way- why not celebrate it while moving to the next?

The tricky mind forgets how far it has come, always searching for the next thing to get, go, or be, but do try to remember where you came from. You’ve almost certainly improved.

Regardless of whether you have or not, be grateful for what you do have. Embrace that internal abundance within you and share it with the world.

Approach each situation with the most positive mentality you can, for no other reason than it will give you the best possible outcome.

On one hand, life is a bit fucked up in a way- but what use is it to perpetuate these beliefs if all they do is shackle you to more pain?

You’ve already been born, you have no choice but to embrace it. To give into life fully. To live!

But let’s start simply. You may write down now- what are three things you are grateful for?

For me:

  • My remote work which allows me to live anywhere and travel
  • My amazing friends all around the world which have guided me, helped me, and celebrated with me
  • My mentors online that have inspired me with endless possibility
  • And a fourth, extra: the fact that I take care of myself via fitness for the past year despite having been in so many countries and time zones.

When you are grateful, play positive mental slides, think good thoughts, and embrace life with abundance only more greatness can come.

It starts however with that initial decision to be in a state of abundance, which really is a choice.

I would like to start giving more, not only just for that sake, but to create this sense of abundance for myself and to share it with others…