Have you ever stumbled across a decision in life that was rather tough to make?
Tough decisions come in all shapes and sizes. For example, pizza or burgers tonight?
Don’t lie, we’ve all been hungry on a budget before and struggled between two categories of food.
The bigger-sized tough decisions can be even scarier: should you move to France & learn French or to Hungary and learn Hungarian? Which career should you choose? Whom shall you marry?
Choices, choices! How do you choose the right one??
First, a Quick Story
When I first arrived in Sofia, Bulgaria there were quite a few apartments to choose from. I arrived in the beginning of Winter so of course there were countless apartments to stay at.
After reviewing several options in-person, I came down to two choices.
One was in the center, smaller, more expensive, but there was just something about it. The second was perhaps more logical- one stop out of the center but several hundred dollars cheaper, bigger, and the owner was very nice.
The owner of the more logical one messaged me something: “just follow your heart.. :)”
So I sat down, meditated for 5 minutes, and decided that as soon as the alarm would go off I instantly choose one.
I chose the less obvious option- more expensive, smaller, etc.
It was just 1 month later that I met my amazing girlfriend, and her school turned out to be literally a 55 second walk from the apartment. Every single day after school she could come over, and I could easily visit her on breaks.
6 months later I by chance met with the owner of the more logical choice and discovered that after a month an issue had happened with the apartment and I would’ve had to leave anyways.
Somehow my intuition knew that the less obvious choice would lead to great logistics in terms of meeting my girlfriend often, and prevent the danger that would’ve came with the other apartment (I would’ve had to leave and find a new apartment anyways).
This experience has happened repeatedly to me in the past year.
The very act of traveling to Sofia, Bulgaria was one of those “intuitive” decisions that I still can’t logically explain, but it turned out to be the best decision of my life.
Introducing The “Mind” and The “Heart”
I’ve been reading this book recently called “Reality Transurfing” and it’s been absolutely amazing. I’m not yet finished.
In it he talks about “choosing your own reality,” but one of the most important take-aways of the book is that there is a “mind” and a “heart.”
The heart is your true desire, and it can in many cases predict the future. The mind is the socially conditioned thoughts you have, “logic,” etc.
The mind is not you, and oftentimes people rationalize away their heart’s desires because they want to be “safe” or “socially acceptable.”
When it comes to what you want out of life, you must listen only to the heart, and use the mind to help you realize the heart’s desires. When the mind & heart are not synced, inner & outer chaos manifest.
One example of this would be rationalizing away your true desire (ie. being a chef) because your parents don’t want you to or it’s not “the safe path.”
The heart knows that the soul is meant to manifest in this life as a wonderful & abundant chef, but the mind throws away the heart to live a passionless “socially acceptable” life.
Can you see where this is going?
Decisions Can’t Always Be Made Rationally
When it comes to making life decisions as simple as where to eat and as big as what to be, logic can not always work.
If this were so, then certainly we would’ve already found the secret to an amazing life!
The truth is that no one but you can feel & listen to your heart, and only the mind can listen to others. You can listen to others and persuade your mind but your heart can’t be persuaded or convinced of anything other than what it truly wants.
The “heart” is the reason why one person can be fulfilled as a chef, and the next person fulfilled by being a businessman.
What you are meant to do or be is meant uniquely for you. All because your entire family is something doesn’t mean you should become it, unless your heart truly wants it.
Furthermore the point that not all decisions can be made logically is proven by the fact that if one profession were really better than the other then everyone would try do it, or if one food type was better than the other then everyone would eat that food type.
When choosing between pizza and hamburgers (hypothetically speaking), you get to choose who you are.
There is no right or wrong choice in terms of what others may think, there is only right or wrong based on how authentically you are living.
By the way, I’ve been doing a lot of writing on authenticity recently. Check out my other post “The Road To Authenticy or Loneliness” by clicking HERE.
How To Listen To The Heart
Silencing the mind through meditation is one way to help you listen to the whispers of the heart.
I have found visualization & feeling “in the body” to be powerful as well.
For example, I once had a choice between eating burgers or sushi.
I visualized the act of eating the sushi, how it would taste, and how I’d feel after. I did the same for burgers.
When I really felt about it, I could sense a slight discomfort when the thought of burgers came up, whereas I felt light when I thought about sushi.
The answer then became obvious: I must eat sushi!
Listening to the whispers of the heart is rather difficult because “feelings” are not the heart, and neither are “thoughts.” Thoughts of course from the mind, and feelings are a result of the mind’s attitude or perception.
For example, you may feel angered at someone cutting you off in traffic but this feeling is not your inner intuition speaking- this is your attitude towards driving, your ridiculous wish for everyone to drive perfectly. When people don’t drive perfectly, you become enraged.
By the way, in the above case going with the flow and not expecting others to drive perfectly will help you not react so negatively in the situation. It is your attitude, nothing else!
Practicing Listening To The Heart
This is not an easy task. In fact, this is a dangerous task because you might just realize your entire life was a lie.
If it is truly the heart you are listening to, then it will always be right. It will always whisper the truth about your life and what you should do.
You can start with basic things like what to eat. Instead of rationalizing away every decision or making impulsive decisions based on sugar cravings & hunger you could ask your heart what it thinks you should eat, then silence your mind and feel.
Sometimes there isn’t always a “right” answer. In the example of pizza or hamburgers, you may feel light with either decision. In that case no decision is right or wrong and you’re okay with either!
The main thing to be attentive to is inner feelings of discomfort. Feelings of lightness are not as common, though they will come if the decision is particularly authentic.
Uncomfortable feelings will always arise from decisions, thoughts, or visualizations which are not authentic to you. Again these will be very subtle. It’s not like the feeling you get during a work-out, it’s a much deeper and certain feeling.
Honestly it takes a ton of practice. You will make mistakes, and if you’re like me you’ll make some inauthentic decisions but the important thing is to start listening to your heart.
For example I once consciously made an inauthentic decision but rather than rationalizing it away I decided to stay aware and see what happens. I watched my energy & mood plummet.
It really is a practice, and a hard one at that. Who you really are or what you really want is known to you deep down but sometimes you will rationalize something away because you want to be “socially acceptable.”
Don’t get down on yourself. Just accept wherever you’re at and start making authentic decisions as best as you can.
Make a practice to always listen to your heart. It knows what you want, and the only purpose of the mind is to open its comfort zone (ie. don’t get stuck in poverty mentality) and help the heart achieve what it really wants.
Only You Have Your Heart
Only you can know your true decisions and wishes, so don’t make decisions based on the logic of others. Others often mean well but can’t know what’s meant for you in life.
Some psychologists and expert “readers” are good at helping you realize what you want through helping you self-analyze yourself.
This can be beneficial but I urge you to develop the skill of awareness & listening yourself.
If you need a psychologist or “reader” it can be beneficial though, as long as these people are truly helping you find your inner heart. Some may try to implant ideas in you, or suggest things to you.
A truly good psychologist, therapist, or “reader” will never do such a thing, but instead let you reach every conclusion yourself. They should ask the questions, and you should be providing the answers, and only you should be giving advice to yourself.
I can’t stress this enough. Any input from others, unless it’s helping you realize what you truly want, is likely BS because it’s coming from their mind and more importantly getting stuck in your mind too.
The heart can’t be convinced to choose another career or like something else. The heart is what it is, and so you must remain authentic to it.
It Gets Easier
This “authenticity” stuff gets easier with time. Don’t worry about being perfect 100% of the time.
Just keep practicing and making authentic decisions when you know what your heart really wants, no matter how hard it is.
If you follow your heart, everything will work out. It’s just the following of the heart in the first place that’s difficult.
The more you do it, the stronger this muscle gets.
This is generally good but I do warn you that it then gets harder to make inauthentic decisions.
For example if I were to make an inauthentic decision it would hurt me quite a bit emotionally, and I would physically feel a lot worse.
Since I’ve been practicing authenticity, I’ve been feeling much better, but you feel even worse once you make a mistake.
It is how it is. I urge you to listen to your heart and silence your mind.
If this article helped you, please let me know!
Discovering What You Really Want in Life
Have you ever stumbled across a decision in life that was rather tough to make?