This is a companion post to “You Can’t Help Failures.” Both posts can be read alone, but I recommend you read the first one as they fit well together.
In “You Can’t Help Failures” I wrote about how you need to find an employer or clients that actually value your work because sometimes the problem is them, and not you.
I gave an example of how I produced work that was 10/10 by every metric available, but a client still complained because their sales team couldn’t handle the epic results I was getting.
So that brings us to something I’ve been learning in life: DO IT YOURSELF.
“Do It Myself”
A year or two ago a friend recommended the song “Do It Myself” to me by Russ, and I didn’t like it so much. It sounded too negative.
Now? I love the song. So many things are happening in my life that are making me roll my eyes, roll up my sleeves, put my hands in the mud and say “fuck it I’ll do it myself.”
This has been happening in so many areas of my life: self-help, business, girls, and more!
Let’s go over some examples, and then I’m going to neatly wrap up this post in a summary of my thoughts.
Having Fun At Parties
Yesterday I realized that I was working on my new business project too hard, and so I decided consciously that I was going to go out, get fucked up, and have a great time.
The night started exciting. The dinner vibes were good. The first bar was fun. We laughed. I got everyone to start taking shots, and the energy started looking up. We played games.
But then I observed a block in my companions. They started making comments about my “youthful energy.” They couldn’t let-go, laugh, and have the fun that they wanted to have!
They were capping the fun. And I wasn’t asking us to do anything illegal, I just wanted the vibes & energy to keep moving up!
I could see they began to get stifled as the energy of the bars & clubs continued to get up. They couldn’t laugh, dance, and be free like so many others.
I tried to help loosen them up, but they acted old & mature by saying things like “wow that’s what I was like when I was 19.” These comments were probably intended nice, and I took it nicely, but a part of it made me scared.
One of the last things in my life I want is to let my youthful freedom go- I feel like being free, silly, dancing, and having fun is a human thing, not just a kid thing or early 20’s thing.
My companions were not too old either- in their late 20’s, but something had died a bit inside of them… I could just see it. I see it in a lot of people..
So many people want to have an epic party night, but then sit around afraid to be judged by the group. No one dances. Everyone gets stifled, and stays in their own group.
I realized last night that I’d have to more consciously find a better group of people to party with, a group that truly could let go and have fun. And by “let go and have fun” I don’t mean get fucked up or high, I just mean people that could go with the laughs & fun and don’t cap it at a certain point because they’re afraid of being judged or something stupid.
Dating, Self-Help
A lot of guys I’ve met are terrified to approach girls, which is only understandable as I used to be as well.
But the problem is that they don’t want to do anything… I have a friend in Montreal who 2 years ago when I was first there would always make excuses to not talk to girls, and was so surprised at all the girls that I would try to talk to.
When I re-visited Montreal some of my friends had matured and grown, but retained their youthful excitement for life. It was truly refreshing to see.
That friend… was still terrified to talk to girls. And then when I visited 2 years after that original visit.. Well, as they say in Thailand, “same same.”
Recently I’ve been meeting a lot of people that have mental blocks when it comes to dating & meeting girls. Perhaps I’ve been attracting this energy, as I’ve struggled for so long with getting over my ex (therefore I had my own internal blocks).
However I’ve observed these blocks and I’m trying to make plans to overcome them. I want to go meet girls. My problem is that I was trying to find people who also wanted to go to bars & clubs and have a great time, and meet new people.
But these people didn’t want to talk to girls. They wanted girls, they watched porn, but they weren’t willing to say “hello” out of the terrifying fear of the simple “no.”
I’m learning that I may have to just… Do It Myself. Instead of trying to find a group of people to grow with, I’ll just have to take this into my own hands.
I may have to go to bars and clubs alone to meet friends & girls. It’s not something that I want or don’t want to do- it just feels like the next stage in my life development…
Financial & Business Blocks
In the previous post I spoke about a client that just couldn’t get their shit right despite the amazing quality of work I was producing.
Same same, over here. The idea with this agency was that I’d launch Facebook Ads for free, and then they’d close the clients for me (as well as themselves). We’d all profit and live happily ever after.
But… I’m gonna have to do it myself. And I’m okay with that, and I was planning on doing that additionally anyways. It’s one of the reasons why I offered Facebook Ads for free!
They can’t get their shit together, despite me telling them exactly what they needed to do to nurture & close these sales.
Well, looks like I’ve gotta do everything myself. I’ve been hustling a lot recently on developing my own agency’s website, as well as figuring out the sales process.
The biggest problem I’m facing (which is what a U.S.-based agency would solve) is sales. My time zone is not ideal. But, with me considering adjusting my schedule so that I become a night person (so I can party every night and meet new friends & girls), it may not be a problem anyways!
Do It Yourself
It seems that in every area of my life, I’ve had to roll my eyes at the excuses of everyone else, roll up my sleeves, put my hands in the mud, and do it myself. Now I love Russ’s song “Do It Myself” because I understand where he’s coming from.
It’s not the happiest “omg we’re all happy together” vibe I prefer to be in, but this new energy is one I also feel content in. It’s responsibility. It’s actualizing myself to not need anyone else.
And… You should try the same. Is there a business, desire, girl, or something you’ve always wanted?
It’s SO EASY to be confident in a group. They say you’re the 5 people you spend the most time with, which I agree with, but what if you could just be yourself no matter what?
People will rub off on you to an extent, so even if you’re dead-set on finding other people to do XYZ with (which will make you more effective) you still have to find that new group alone.
Look, the whole point of this post is not to say “fuck all” and be a lone wolf. The group will always be stronger than the individual.
It’s to sit down and figure out what you want as an individual, and go for it directly, without waiting for some group of people. When you do find that group, great. Grow with them, as you will grow faster!
But until then, you’ve gotta do it yourself. And groups can be deceiving- they might actually be limiting your growth.
For example, a lot of entrepreneurship groups are nothing but circle-jerks of “oh look at me I worked 70 hours, oh yeah, well I worked 80 hours, oh yeah well I did 85 hours.” It’s not actual productivity!
You have to constantly re-evaluate whether you’re moving towards what you want, and which groups are helping and which groups are hindering.
Unfortunately too many people in the world don’t want to genuinely move forward. We all have our blocks, but few are willing to move through them.
Ultimately…
This is your life. You’ve gotta do it yourself. Sure it’s scary, but you have to.
I’ve found that recently I’ve been enjoying going things alone anyways as it helps me reconnect with myself as I get over my ex.
Again, this doesn’t mean you avoid groups or friends. A lot of those people I wrote about with mental blocks are still good friends and great for hanging out, just not for this one area of my life that I want to improve. That area gets done away from them!
I am personally so excited to return to Sofia, Bulgaria for example because I have so many friends that want to improve their finances, self-development, dating life, and more, so I know I’ll be able to grow with them.
In a way I’m grateful to not have so many close friends here in Asia because it makes me appreciate those close friends around the world even more, but more importantly it forces me to say, “Okay Michael what do YOU want from life?”
In business, so many people aren’t willing to do what it really takes to win (which is not braggin’ about that 85 hour work week).
In dating, everyone wants that beautiful girl, but then most Google their favorite pornstar and wank off.
Go for what you want. And, as I write this, know that I’m not judging anyone with blocks- I’ve had blocks, and been at a different place in different times in my life. Maybe some people are genuinely content with being single with porn.
All I’m saying is I’m not, and you shouldn’t kid yourself either. If you want something, you have to own that desire alone, and go do it yourself because you can’t rely on anyone else to support you all the way.
Done.
-Michael
