Sometimes in life, there are only 2 options: little pain now, big pain long-term, or big pain now but heal long-term.
Going through the very painful short-term period can really suck. “Short-term” can also mean months or years, and long-term meaning years or decades!
Because me and so many friends are going through break ups now this post will mainly be focused around that, but you could also apply it to something like getting good business skills.
Break Ups & Pain
Sometimes someone close to us (a lover, family member, or close friend) may cross a boundary or do something to hurt us so bad, or it may not simply be meant to be.
Human emotions get tricky at this point: we really want to stick around because we care for that person, but we also know that for ourselves we need to move on.
The problem comes with moving on- it’s also painful! Even in the most physically abusive relationships, the victim often struggles with moving on because of those nagging feelings of caring for the bad guy or girl.
What’s really hard too is when the pain is so long that you can’t really see the light at the end of the tunnel.
If you had a quick 2 month relationship, it won’t be so hard to get over as a 1 year relationship that also had a rocky break up with intermittent contact following.
Getting over the break up in that case could almost take a whole year! Even if the biggest of boundaries were crossed, that literally involved life or death, it’s only human to still care and want the best for that person (and not want to go).
Well I’m here to say to keep going and push through those break up feelings. Cry, release, then do something awesome or commit to a new skill or goal. Work out and upgrade your body.
Whether you broke up or were broken up with, or it was mutual, or something complicated and in between you need to move on because the past is in the past!
You are not the person you were in the relationship. You are changing and so are they. You can be better than you were before, and find something better…
Of course it doesn’t feel that way. It sucks. When you’ve been sad for so long, you don’t really remember what “normal” feels like.
Those happy times fade into blissful memories. It feels as if the world is ending, and you’ll never have anything like that again.
Then one day, you’ll have a quick moment of clarity… the pain will subside. Will you be finally over them?
Moments after the feelings of pain and suffering will resurface. It was just a trick of the mind, perhaps.
Then one day it’ll occur again, this time for a few seconds longer. Maybe you’ll start to get this every single day.
You’ll still cry, you’ll still hurt, and only God knows why this is all happening as it is…
You’ll still never understand it… but that’ll be okay. Some things in life are a mystery. Some things can’t really be explained or understood.
Why must we experience break ups? Why did they cross that boundary? Why didn’t it work out?
Maybe if you did this, or they just didn’t do that, or the Universe would’ve given you two a BIT better luck…
This is the hardest part to go through. I’ve tried so hard to understand my own break up. I’ve self-attacked so much, and combed through my every mistake and personality flaw.
I’ve tried to focus on every one of her flaws, and the boundaries crossed. I’ve made myself angry and bitter.
I’ve focused on the bad luck, the bad timing, how the Universe which seemed to put us together so perfectly tore us apart with such ferocity. I felt like a leaf in the wind, as if this was all some cosmic joke.
The truth is we’ll never understand why these horrible, painful, and devastating things happen.
The best we can do is pick up the pieces and go search for something new- a new memory, a new place, a new person, a new you.
It really sucks, and even as you move on you won’t really understand it. I know I don’t.
Even though I have those moments of feeling normal and good, I still often feel that pain in my stomach, the tears in my eyes, and the confusion of… why?
As I write this now it all comes up, this endless pit of pain… Yet at the same time, I’m somehow healing. I don’t really understand it.
What was so perfect, what felt meant to be, is now gone. Those happy memories will always have a space in my mind. I felt so young and fresh, and even though it’s been just a year, I feel so much more mature and rough around the edges.
I’m trying to retain the joy, the free spirit, and determination and all other good things… but let’s be real, sometimes you just need to cry on your bed while listening to sad music all curled up.
It happened as it did, as fucked up as it is. Sometimes shit just happens. It’s all too easy to keep your mind in the past, as if reliving the memories and re-thinking it over and over will change how it is now.
In the end, you will move on. I’m moving on. It feels good. Then the pain will come back.
Recovery is not linear. It’s not easy. It’s not fun. Somehow, for some reason we may only know in death, this pain has to be walked through.
Keep walking. Keep crying. Stay true. Upgrade yourself. Live an awesome life.
Just keep walking through it, as hard as it is. One day I promise it’ll all be better.
-Michael
