So I’ve been back in Phoenix for almost a month now- on the day I leave again, it will have been exactly so. Something has been off though..
There’s been this feeling inside of me which I can’t really explain. I started searching things into Google and checking my favorite travel BLOGs, when I realized something shocking:
Coming home after traveling is…. depressing AF.. and not for the reasons you’d think.
After Guelph, I was kinda excited to swing back by Phoenix before Europe. I thought we’d have several parties, adventures, and I had a myriad of amazing stories to tell.
I was excited to re-visit my friends, see what’s been new, and just have a good time. It didn’t go like that.
In fact, nothing changed at all- my friendships actually began dissipating. My first 1-2 weeks in Phoenix were spent with an entirely new friend group, the experience of Phoenix had completely evolved! My life paradigm switched, and so did my social circle!
When I finally was able to get my old friends out, it just wasn’t the same. I was ready to reconnect like we did initially, but many of them were not. They were in their routine, which I had fallen out of.
My “deep friendships” I thought I had weren’t so deep. Traveling put it all to the test, and I was only invited out a few times, by people I wouldn’t expect it from. I was always the one pushing the invites, events, and adventures, and I often found myself doing these adventures with new people I met.
“Home” faded away.. I was in my “home,” but it didn’t feel right. Home feels like Montreal. No- home feels like travel and independence.
I changed so much so fast, only perhaps 1 MAYBE 2 friendships could withstand the simple 2 months I was gone.
This is what I felt when I walked out of the airport. 5 minutes being in the car, the initial “hellos” faded out, and I could just feel everything was the same- and weaker. I ate at one of my favorite restaurants, picked up the phone, and called every contact I had in Phoenix and snapped everyone else.
I couldn’t put it into words then, but I could feel it. People weren’t making time for me- I was ready to press “GO” on my friendships, but others had walked out of the stage.
This is my last weekend in Phoenix. I celebrated it with new friends. I can’t say now I’m excited to come back again. My flight to Montreal was a one-way-trip, literally and figuratively.
When you’re just dreaming of traveling the world, you don’t read those hidden articles on travel BLOGs about the downsides. They exist though. I wouldn’t give up my experience for anything. I’ve changed, and now home is in my own heart, wherever that is.
My one-way flight to London leaves early Tuesday, and this time I won’t disappoint myself with fantasies of old friends and memories in Phoenix. It’s gone; dead. Only one or two- maybe none- of my best friendships will withstand the burden of my next adventure. London, Brussels, Budapest. Who knows where next..
I feel more grateful for everything now that I can accept the fleeting-ness of every moment. Every moment is fleeting, so enjoy the best of it while you can. Stay present, enjoy the moment. I love who I’ve become. This shocking experience back “home” has awakened me to the reality of traveling.
Only a lucky few will ever see the truth of traveling. It is me, and I am it. Now I am ready for true travel and adventure. I see the whole picture. It’s a one-way trip, deeper into life. Most of it it can’t be explained. It is a feeling, deep inside of me.
You’ll hear from me next in London- peace out everyone!
P.S. I understand now why “travel BLOGs” exist. It’s not to jerk off your ego. It’s to write your stories for memories. Nobody at home truly wants to hear your stories of travel sadly. Some people are just like that. I’ll be making a travel BLOG soon so I can get the stories out hahah 🙂