“Don’t be angry. Calm down. No need to rage. Anger is unhealthy, and it kills!”
WRONG.
I’ve learned in the past few years of my life that is anger is neither good nor bad; it simply is. No emotion is anything- it just is as it is.
Most people don’t know what anger is because they react so quickly to the feeling. For most people there is no difference between the emotion of anger & punching someone, for example.
In today’s post, let’s uncover the mystery of the emotion of anger & the truth behind it.
What is Anger?
First we must define what anger is.
Google would define it as a “strong feeling of displeasure, annoyance, or hostility.” This means that anger is felt within, and not inherently any action.
To better define what anger is, we must first define what is is not: anger is not punching someone, yelling, screaming, hurting people, crying, or any other physical act.
Anger itself is an emotion or feeling. It is a slight change in your physiology but it is not an act caused from anger, just a feeling responding to certain events.
Is it Good or Bad?
Most people would say that anger is a “bad emotion.” It’s not comfortable to experience for most people, and for those who revel in the power of anger it usually leads to unhealthy action (such as hurting others, killing, etc.).
However I would argue that anger isn’t a “bad” emotion, but what’s “bad” is how people react to feeling anger.
By learning to become more mindful/aware of one’s emotions, people can release themselves of the control that emotions such as anger have over them.
The strange thing here is that you have to get better at feeling & being comfortable with anger in order to free yourself of it controlling you; you must first become more emotional to later be less reactive.
Anger is good. Most people are typically mad or upset when someone does something to violate their boundaries. This includes these: pushing for unwanted sex, spreading lies, stealing, physically harming, emotionally harming, etc. & anything else people would consider a violation of their boundaries.
Anger & Transmutation
The feeling of anger is simply an emotional, uncontrollable response to your boundaries being violated. It is neither good nor bad. It is an indicator, much like how the thermometer keeps the temperature.
I think we’d all love to live without anger. This implies a world in which all of our needs are met, our boundaries are never crossed, and everything goes exactly how we want it to!
Unfortunately, welcome to Earth. This isn’t the case.
When you feel anger, recognize that it’s a signal and nothing else. Learn to feel into it completely. Feel the powerful energy, and don’t let it control you.
You have to let go of trying to control the emotion, but do control your actions. This is a bit of a hard thing to explain and you’ll get it as you practice.
You have to let go of the need to control the feeling- you can’t control how you feel, but you can control how you act. Feel it completely, and breath into the emotion.
Ask yourself: why am I feeling angry? Some surprising answers might come up.
I’ve observed several friends with “anger problems” that, because they never observed their anger & “breathed into it,” figured out why they were angry and so their anger resulted in “unhealthy” physical manifestations.
For example, they may be too aggressive towards their friends & peers in school. They may explode at a police officer or teacher for no reason.
Because they never lean into the anger, they never discover the true cause. This is the great shame of our society, that we are trying so hard to “not be emotional,” when in fact we need only not to be reactive.
Note: I define “emotional” as feeling your emotions completely. Your ability to be mindful & “breath into” your emotions is your ability to be emotional. “Reactive” is how people respond to the emotions that arise. When someone says “don’t be emotional,” they actually mean “don’t be reactive,” but saying “don’t be emotional” is bad because it puts the focus on the emotions, which can’t be controlled, instead of the reaction, which can.
Many of these friends should be angry. It is absolutely wrong to deny people their anger. Anger is a powerful tool.
For example, they may be getting bullied by someone. May their family situation sucks & they’re being abused. Maybe they aren’t getting well-fed.
Why should they deny themselves their emotions? They can’t. It’s impossible. Holding in the anger will only hurt them.
What these people (and everyone) needs to do is learn how to feel emotions without reacting to them instantly. Be more emotional, while being less reactive to your emotions.
Warning: some shocking truths may arise. You may discover your “best friend” actually violates your boundaries. Maybe your partner is a piece of shit. Who knows, but becoming more conscious of your feelings will reveal the truth of said feelings.
Anger as a Tool
This brings us to what anger truly is. It’s a tool. It’s like a thermometer just telling us some info, but it also gives us a powerful energy which we can use.
The purpose for anger is to change our location, state, surroundings, etc. whatever is needed in order for the negative stimulus to be removed from our lives.
If we are angry about our financial state, is it right to vent to others, blame the rich, and complain? Absolutely not. This is a poor reaction to the feeling of anger, which you can’t control as a result of your situation.
What you could instead do is channel the emotion into building a business, getting a better job, and aggressively working to better yourself.
Anger becomes a tool rather than a hindrance which needs to be repressed.
Many of the top-performing athletes & entrepreneurs of our times leverage anger to slingshot them further than they could ever go without it.
Rockefeller is an infamous example of this. He used his aggression to become the wealthiest man to have ever lived on planet Earth in his time.
Whatever you feel- sadness, anger, rage, disappointment, or even apathy can all be transformed for a higher purpose.
First you must become more emotional. Learn how to feel into the emotion without letting it consume you. Then discover the cause. Then adjust course with your actions.
Past Traumas & Anger
It should be added that all of this post has been referring to present-moment anger. For example, a friend violates a boundary, and then you feel hostility.
In everyone there are past emotional traumas & wounds & neural pathways which “trigger” you.
It’s very well possible to feel anger when the situation does not call for it.
As I have wrote, keep in mind that all because you feel anger doesn’t necessarily mean it’s justified in the present moment. Don’t be so quick to react!
The remedy here is the same: learn to feel into it. Stay mindful & aware of what’s going on inside you while also staying aware of what’s going on “out there.”
Consciously you’ll begin to realize a disconnect. Some days your emotions are justifiable. Other times you’re being reactive. Other times you feel even more anger than what a situation calls for.
Feel into it, and soon blips of past memories will begin to arise. Let them.
I just wanted to add this note at the end so that you don’t assume every time you feel anger it means it’s 100% justifiable. Your significant other could make a small mistake, but it doesn’t mean you break up if you feel intense anger.
You have to learn to become conscious, feel into the emotion, and stay aware of the situation to make better decisions and be less reactive.
Also, even if you are overly emotional and have too much anger over a situation in which you shouldn’t, that still doesn’t mean you should try repress the emotion.
The emotional energy can still be transmuted towards manifesting whatever you want.
Perhaps you go for a work out- it will no doubt be a better work out if you leverage your emotional power than if you try hold back.
That’s the point of this post: to remind you that you have the power to transmute your energy however you desire. There is a positive & negative manifestation for each emotion, but it’s your choice how it manifests.
Good luck.
-Michael
